Missy Moo honey my thoughts are with you.

I've been there and seen what you have seen and over 9 years later it still brings tears to my eyes.
Please let yourself grieve it's SO important. I would only let myself cry in the shower when no one would know, I felt like I was being silly grieving but honestly it catches up to you. I hit the wall months later and didn't know why i couldn't stop crying and it eventually all came out. Then came the guilt of not acknowledging them earlier.

I'm still grieving 9 years after loosing the twins and they will always be a part of our family.
I acknowledge them now and talk about them with their brother and sister. We light candles on their due date and christmas etc. We planted a gorgeous rose bush for them that grows beautifully in a garden that doesn't do well otherwise and we pick the flowers and bring them inside and enjoy them.

I guess all I'm trying to say is that IF your baby has gone, let yourself cry and don't let what you hear from others dictate to you what you feel. I heard some amazingly cruel things from people who should know better. Just follow your heart.

All the best,
Missy