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Thread: Why is life so cruel?

  1. #1

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    Default Why is life so cruel?

    One of my mates just had to have a D&C at 12 weeks. I feel so horrible for her. She has a 2yo DS & had a lot of trouble getting pregnant with him. She was in the middle of doing the hormone/fertility needle things (Sorry, don't know much about this) when she had a D&C & finally got preggers with him & put it down to the D&C. This time she tried by herself for a few months saying that maybe she should organise another D&C & see if that helps. Well she didn't need to. She fell all by herself & being such a small town we were all so excited & happy for her. Then I got to DD's school this morning to find out she went for her ultra sound which she's been excited about for 3 weeks now to find out that the baby had no heart beat. She was all by herself in there.
    It's not fair. I know there are alot of people in here who've been through the same thing & more, but I just feel so horrible for her. Especially since I'm 10 weeks ahead of where she would be. I don't know how she'll feel watching me go through pregnancy & have my baby. I had tears in my eyes when I found out - then reminded myself that I was at a primary school. Not the best place to get carried away with my pregnancy emotions!
    Why is life so cruel? & only to the nicest people.


  2. #2

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    sorry to hear what your friend is going through, life is so cruel. Give your friend a bug hug and be there for her.

  3. #3

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    Sorry to hear your friends very sad news.

    Sending lots of hugs to your dear friend.

  4. #4

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    oh I am so sorry to hear of your friends angel.... sending her hugs and to you too...

  5. #5
    mummacassdy Guest

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    Hi BJRose
    life isn't fair sometimes. I lost a baby 5 weeks ago when I terminated due to Trisomy 21 and bleak outlook for baby. At the time I was involved in another pregnancy website and met a girl who was a week ahead of me. We became quite good friends over email and the website and she was hit hard when my news came. Although she is 19 years younger than me she has been so supportive and sweet and she asked me how I felt about her and her pregnancy now. I said I felt the same way, that I was happy for her and I wanted her to continue telling me about it, but deep down, I do get pangs of jealousy when I hear how wonderfully it is all going for her. At times I wonder if her happiness will be shattered like mine was - out of the blue. I have 3 children already, and even when pregnant with them, I never took a day of the pregnancy for granted. It might help to ask her truly how she feels about details of your pregnancy but get her to be honest. You sound like a wonderful friend. When people found out my news, they would come around and just hug me and cry with me, but there was one girl who I am really good friends with who is always running over here when she has problems who stayed away and just texted me her one time only support, and still hasn't just come around, that I feel our friendship will suffer for it. She feels bad because she didn't come around and I really felt her absence. I am not sure our friendship will ever be the same. And another friend of mine has called me every week, just for a chat and she isn't afraid to ask questions. As a result, I feel much closer to her because she has bothered to ask, and bothered to listen and also talk about day to day stuff which was great.
    Anyway I hope that helps and I wish you and your friend all the best

  6. #6

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    Bjrose - So sorry for your friend. Its not fair at all.

    Mummacassady - I'm very sorry for your loss also. I cant imagine what its like to lose a baby. And you are so right, I didnt ever take a day of my pregnancy for granted and I am so thankful for Madeline. :hugs:

  7. #7

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    Thanks mummacassdy. I have tears in my eyes. I can't imagine what it'd be like to lose a baby in any way. I had a termination 7 years ago when I was 17 & I still think about it. And that was something I did by choice - well kind of. My parents pushed me to do it.
    I did see her on Saturday, but I think it was all to fresh for her to see me with my belly as she didn't speak to me & left 5 minutes after I showed up - I was at work at the pub & she was there for an 80th. She's not a close friend, but living in a town of around 100 - 200 people & being pregnant at the same time we talked babies every time we saw each other. I know she has close friends around her & if she wants to avoid me for now thats fine by me. I don't want her hurting anymore than she would already be. I just hope she is OK soon.

    I know she doesn't hate me or wish bad things on me, but I will leave it up to her. Then I will ask her how she is. I'm not planning to say anything about Bub unless she asks first. If she says 'how was the u/s', or 'hows things going' Then I will tell her. I won't avoid it if she brings it up, but I don't want to push her yet.

  8. #8
    mummacassdy Guest

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    Thanks Hayley, congratulations on the birth of your baby. You must be so proud. It was shocking to get the news that there was something potentially wrong and then there was something wrong, but I try to stay in the present moment and life is pretty busy so no time to sit and dwell. Besides nothing I do, say or feel will bring my only son back and make life different. I mind children for a living so I am surrounded by them. Well thanks for the hooroo and enjoy your baby. Mummacassdy

  9. #9

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    I'd love to know why life is so cruel too - we've been trying and not trying to conceive over the last ten years. we have two sons, now aged 15 and 10, and PCOS. a close family friend was killed in sept, that was really hard to cope with, then i fell pregnant a few weeks later, we all thought here is the light at the end of the tunnel, then last thursday i began to spot, (i had done this with my 2nd son as well), hoped it was just the same i was 8 weeks, i had an ultrasound on the friday, which showed up the size of a 6 week old, but we still had a heartbeat. I miscarried sunday morn. I have a friend who is about 3 weeks ahead of me, yet to see her, but i'm happy for her, just sad for us

  10. #10

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    Sorry to hear about your friends sad news.

  11. #11
    mummacassdy Guest

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    so sorry to hear about your conception problems and recent miscarriage. It seems to be so random.. Why me? Especially when others are breezing through life. Hang in there, Mollycat

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