Wow- I could have written this exact post 6 months ago. The guilt that comes from having to choose which child you are going to spend time with is awful! also, the guilt that comes from the lack of bonding as well. I went through the same thing when DS was in the PICU. At one stage he was so ill I couldn't touch him for two weeks, I think part of the lack of bonding for me was self preservation as well- if things don't go well, maybe I'll cope better if I'm not 100% bonded. Not logical but I think subconsciously that was what was going on.

I agree that dd1 will be fine during this time while you are with your baby. My DD coped amazingly well and she was left almost daily for the 9 weeks we were in hospital. You and your baby need each other.

I am sending you huge cyber hugs as I know exactly how you feel. It's an awful situation that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. x