Firstly as always you have shown enormous & unfathomable courage & strength throughout these past weeks since Greg passed over. I know we humans have an amazing ability to rally unknown resources in terrible crisis but you my friend are that way by nature. It's a beauitful gift.
I understand that when we are the ones used to dishing up the support it can be very challenging & foreign to receive it. Please open yourself to that right now. This is your time again to be supported in love...
I also understand that it can feel like everyone else has taken over your life. Others are stepping in and doing the things that you did only a few weeks ago automatically and without thought. It might feel like someone else is completely in the drivers seat & you are not "allowed" to make decisions or own your own home etc. Someone else folds the washing differently or cooks spag bog with a foreign taste. I know those things alone can feel like you have lost complete control of your life. If that is so, just remind yourself that this is your time to receive & it will pass. It truly will honey.
Everything that happens in our lives is a teaching and learning experience no matter how horrid. I say this as as you are the beautiful Mama of Oscar & Lily you are teaching them how to grieve. It's important to cry with them - it shows them that tears & crying are very okay & part of our living experience. It's important to say: "Im just really sad as I miss your Daddy so much"... Then teach them that there are beautiful things, happiness and joy yet to experience also. Look at that beautiful butterfly! "Isn't iggle piggle silly!"... It's a way to show them that sadness, grief is very real. But there is a yin and yang & there is much that will still be here. In time if it hasn't happened already they will dream about their daddy perhaps being home or hearing his voice. Its importatnt to hear that as they see it & affirm their experience. It's important for them to know they can talk to you & you want to hear all about their feelings about this. Even though this will be so painful for you.
It's not static & it will change. In time & I so hate that saying, but in time gradually the grief won't be as physically debilitating.
I think the way you grieve - in honesty teaches your kids that death is a sad & lonely part of life, but we do survive it. We survive it with the support of our friends, our family, our kids. With the balm of time & dealing with it in process. You really need some professional support now darling - a good solid psychologist who specialises in grief who will gently lead you through this.
Those two children of yours that are Earthside have lost their Daddy & the pain is intense and so very very sharp. But they are learning that emotions, that sadness is okay to see and feel. That is a gift that many don't receive. They are also seeing how amazing it is to be loved so deeply as you love Greg & he you. They are witnessing this outpouring of loving support on you because you are so incredibly important to so many of us. What a wonderful wonderful thing - they are learning how to support others, how to be supported. It's all happening around them.
So, don't you think twice about crying, about sobbing, about sitting in the middle of the floor and letting go.
The hard part is that nothing can salve this for you - that this is a journey of time, support & love that we can only hold your hand in.
Just know that your beautiful beautiful heart is safe with us - & it's broken pieces will eventually merge again - always leaving a space for your Greg.
Your heart is growing bigger with this & I don't know why this has happened to one so beautiful but I am sure your amazing beautiful Being is meant for wonderful things. For you are a woman who through so much loss has so much to give, so much knowledge and compassion. Look at those stars & know that in them dance those two beloved Souls who left too soon - but also know that you are still here. You and Oscar, Lily & Omar - you are here & you can do this. Some days you will need a wheelchair (figuritively) to walk this path, and we will be there to push it. Other days you will dance along.
This is the start of this painful leg of your life journey & your beautiful loving Soul will lead you with a little help from us.
I love you my sweet & my tears are crying with you - so very often.
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