Parenting After Miscarriage or Loss - January 2010

[Michelle71]

Well - life certainly is crud at the moment Parents are on their way down after Dad cut his hand with a chainsaw. Not critically bad but needing surgery. I sorted out specialist and plan but because there is no bed they wanted to go somewhere else where the local hospital had arranged (being the *good* patients ) Small dummy spit from me saying go wherever and 2 phone calls from 2 different bed managers and they are driving down for me to sort out. Day off work today but I will be out there to do my *thang* and get him ready for surgery tomorrow.

Not to mention I am yet to talk to Mum about the NT results. Told Dad due to the past history of her acopia with stuff outside her experience. That should be fun.

As for Omar - hoping and praying I won't need to consider the alternate side of the coin. I am still swaying between options despite our *plans* due to many, many other factors. It is going to be a long few weeks.

Janie - take the meds, rest and look after yourself I'll chat to you soon to see how you are going.

Kel - It is tough when they don't really get it. And many don't unfortunately. Thinking of you and make sure you put your needs up the top of that list.

BBL. Stuff to do.

[mako]

Oh Michelle I hope your dad is ok and good luck with his surgery tomorrow. Lucky you work in the "industry"

Sending you more

Janie How are you doing?

AFM I'm really struggling today. Its 4 weeks to the day since my little bub grew wings I just wish I could move on and get over it like I'm being told I should but far out its hard. And to top it off I posted a little thing on my FB status and my boss replied with ?? as she hasn't got a clue and I'm not sure if I should tell her cos I think she's pregnant after a comment from her husband on her status...saying "hope its a girl" she has 3 boys so I'm guessing that is what he's talking about...she hasn't said anything but I just know

Sorry for the rant..just needed to get it off my chest. I know there are more important things going on here without my sh*t too

[Willow]

Mako - Oi you, stop that immediately. It's not 'sh*t' at all!! All of what you are feeling is very normal, very valid and very sucky I wish I could make it better

Kelly -

Michelle - I hope your dad will be OK and his surgery isn't too painful

I am around but not in a good headspace and not knowing what to say to all of you that are having such a rough time

[Spring Angel]

Kelly: You are an amazing friend to put yourself in that situation. I'm sorry your friends don't 'get it'. I hope they realise how lucky they are to have a friend like you.

Michelle: Far out babe, time for some good luck to come your way. Sorry to hear about your Dad but by the sounds of it you've got it sorted. Hope all goes will with the surgery.

Mako: Listen here woman 'spring says in her stern voice' your s*hit is just as important as anyone elses. No matter if it's been 4 weeks or 4 years it still bloody hurts so please don't feel you need to censor your emotions. Sorry to hear about DH. Been in a similar situation before. Men don't seem to realise it's the lie that hurts the most. Hope you guys can talk through it and sort it out.

Willow: Sounds like you could do with a also.

Big big love to all of you.

Spring xx

[BekZ]

I am around but not in a good headspace and not knowing what to say to all of you that are having such a rough time

Yep I feel the same way atm hun. I can't explain what is happening to me but I am on the verge of tears most days lately.

Mako - I am giving FB a big miss lately because I find myself getting angry with my SIL and her perfect life and stupid comments. I really can't be bothered atm.

Just letting everyone know that I am thinking of you all and praying like crazy that the universe smiles nicely on our little thread.

[Lee]

Hi my lovelies...........

Dropping in to have a check on you all - and feel the same way as Bek and Willow - but at least we know we are all still here, even if no valuable words of wisdom are forthcoming, it doesn't matter really.

Michelle, Janie, Kelly, Mako - how are you girls? Been thinking of you, hugs xoxoxo

Bek - I know what you mean about FB - I really love some things about it - i.e. it helps me keep in touch with very special people in my life - but it also gives me the irrits, do I really want to know that my brother (gay bro) woke up with bruises in out of the way places ... probably not!

Having said that - I just posted some recent pictures of my wee Flynn and all my 4 babies at Christmas time - I don't have you all in my "Friends" - if you want to check out my little clan, happy for you to pm me.

Hope you are all finding some peace over the weekend. I've actually caught up on some sleep - my god that helps - I have been teary and emotional for what seems an eternity, but sleep is such an imortant mood lifter.

Bun - are you home yet with that gorgeous little man - and when will we see some piccies?

Love to all,

Lee xoxo

[~Jayne~]

LEE _ I can't find you on facebook! I know we were 'friends' but now you are gone? :-(

BEK _ oh no Chook, what's happening? I hate hearing you are close to tears all the time? Do you feel like telling me what's happening? I'm always hear to listen?

Had a great time at the movies today, then took the girls to a salon to have their toe nails painted - think I may have started something with that one. Oh well!

[Laney]

Hi Ladies

I have been following this thread for a while now. I really haven't known what to say to everyone that has been having such a difficult time. I only know a couple of people in here from previous forums. I just wanted to send out a really big

Lee- i am going to PM you. I would love to see some pictures of your growing family.

[Janie]

Oh Mako hun, that's what we're here for! Getting through anniversaries is really hard, and our heart sometimes picks them for us, we can't just decide logically when to grieve and not. We know how difficult it is when you spend your day thinking about 'the' day, and all the what ifs it's horrible. I wish I could be there with you in person to give you a hug and take you out for a coffee and cake. Man, I wish I could have a word with whoever is telling you that you need to move on and get over it!!! They've clearly not been where you are, it is not that easy. Oh if it were! Don't let those words into your head hun, know that you can take as much time as you need, this is not something you can measure out and say 'right, I will be over this on day......' It just doesn't work like that. Look after you hun, and lean on us when you need to .

Michelle, that is soooo crap, and not what any of you need right now! Oh god, I hear you on the 'good' patient thing, that's what my ILs would be like, it drives me nuts. I really hope your dad is okay, sounds like he'll be in good hands . I hope too (even more so!) that the telling of the news is okay.........for you . I'm guessing that it's going to be tough for you. I'm not quite sure what to say, cos I can sort of understand the fear you must be feeling at bringing it up.......but also know that it is important for you to share this with your family. I hope it goes well hun, know that we're here if you need us afterwards Oh, and L told me that she PMd you......but is now worried because she has read your post and knows you have your own dramas. I've assured her that you won't be bothered, and that you will be happy to chat to her when things have settled for you .

You know, I'm pretty sure I just bake little babies. No one in either of our families has big ones, not one over 7.5lbs that anyone can remember! No one gets to 40 weeks either. But they all grow 'well rounded' babies, mine are the only ones that are somewhat stunted . I think I'm secretly really worried about the impact this will have on this bub outside of the uterus. But I can only prepare, and do what I think is best with the info that I have! So we'll wait and see. Hopefully all the measurements on the scan will look good, and we can relax! As for the 'contractions', I have had some more this morning, so I've decided to get the script filled today and start it tonight. Apparently it might make me feel a bit off for a couple of days, so I'd rather get started while DH is at home etc. Discussed it with DH this morning, and said I was unsure......I don't want to feel crappy, and TBH even filling the script feels like admitting that there's something wrong (which I know is COMPLETELY ridiculous!). But I DO NOT want to go into labour and wished that I'd paid more attention to my body. I said to DH that I wish Max had just told me what to do! But that I understand that I'm the best judge of what my body is doing etc, and I'm glad he trusts that.

I'm sorry to go soooo completely OTT venting about all of this, but I know I need to get it out or I'm going to burst into tears at some inappropriate time. My mum looked after DS yesterday while we had our appt, cos I knew we'd be hanging around for the GCT etc. I love my mum, she is soooooo good to us. But she is convinced that I'm going to go early this time (like, at a similar time to DS) and that I really need to take it easy. That I should have stopped work already etc etc. I know she is genuinely worried about it (particularly as she gets to help pick up the pieces), even thought I have reassured her that I'm not doing anything against Max's instructions. He is fine with the activities I have on for now. So......I told DH yesterday that I didn't want to tell my mum about the 'ctx' and that he'd given me a script. He agreed, and said that we would tell her if I had to start the meds. Now the thing is, I know that I need to tell her. I don't like keeping a secret from her, and it's not really fair considering that she is the one who mostly looks after DS, is helping me to get organised, and will be looking after DS while we're in hospital. So I'm going to tell her, but I don't want to, and I'm not looking forward to it (Michelle, you might empathise). She is going to freak out, and I don't want to deal with that. I need minimal freaking out around me right now LOL I'm doing enough of it.

Anyway, I'm also second guessing myself about what to do........it's ridiculous. I have Max looking after us, I've contacted my LC, I will speak to my Naturopath next week, so we are well covered with plans. But I've been wondering if I should go back to AP too, or is that just OTT? She told me I could go back at 34 weeks to have a couple of visits to get me to term, and bub in a good possy etc. I've been thinking that I might wait until 32 weeks, and see what's happening then. I'm all for alternative therapies, but is there such a thing as too much attention? I know I'm worrying about it way too much - but I don't want to have bub early and wish I'd worried more!

Sorry for the loooooong post.

[Michelle71]

Okily dokily - I was hoping a new thread would bring good things

Firstly for Mako - a very big forehead slap followed by a bigger hug No person and no problem is bigger OR more important than yours!!!! It sucks. It's hard. And it won't stop just because someone tells you to *get over it* Just understand that we love and support you because of and despite our own problems We are here for you to talk to, vent to and just let it all hang out. Why?? Because we care, we have (unfortunately) been there, and we understand the pain. Let us support you xx

Janie - oh I feel that anxiety I am sure Dad will have told Mum but until she is ready it will not be talked about and TBH I am ok with that. Much better than the alternative!! As for your treatment I would go for the acupuncture too. It will help with managing your stress and they may be able to get the points to decrease the uterine activity as opposed to stimulating it. My opinion is the more the better You can never be looked after too much when they are practitioners with your best interest at heart. Max sounds like he trusts you and you need to as well. The medication is not a failure (hey, if it was then I have *failed* many times now ) but an adjunct to getting you through this pregnancy to a more optimal time. As for work - if it is increasing the contractions then it is time to stop.

Willow - just keep us company!! No need to feel like you need to say something profound. Just being there with us is the most important gift you can give us.

BBL - a late dinner for the little people has just finished. Now to decide what to do with them while I wait for the parents to arrive. Probably closer to 9pm now. Nothing like a late night, an early morning AND having to work tomorrow!!! Oh well, at least will be at my work and I can do the needful and make sure it is sorted.

Love to you all. I am doing ok. Omar is moving around and I am at a peaceful crossroad waiting for the test and the result. Little people don't allow you to be too self absorbed too often LOL

[Inanna]

Mako big big cuddles honey.... I can't say anything eloquent to describe how thoughtless & insensitive it is to treat you this way. We are here - we understand & more than that we want to support you, love you and be here for you through this time... And there will be good times again darling woman - just for now though it's sucky, it hurts like there are no words to describe... We are here.

Michelle: Bloody Norah if it doesn't rain it pours... I am sorry about your Dad - chain saws are merciless. I am glad you're on the job - I do get "the good patient" syndrome & I am glad you're there for him. Just make sure someones there for you honey. I hope your Dad copes well with Omars news & that you cope with his coping...

Janie - good luck with your Mum darling I hope she manages to keep it together so you are not unnecessarily stressed...
Sending everyone love & cuddles... xxx

[JCE0810]

all round ladies it seems a few of us are in need of them

[~Jayne~]

MAKO _ Dammit, I now wish I had put something in your FB status because I read your status & also the '??' & I wasn't very happy, but I didn't know who the person was in relation to you so I didn't. Grrr to them & I sometimes you just have the intuition that something is happening & I'm sorry your boss is possibly pg again, sorry for you that is. I can only imagine how tough this has been to you, it's just not fair. How is DH been just lately?

WILLOW _ I too have no clue what to contribute in here just lately, so I have only been lurking because I just feel as though I can't make any difference. I hope that makes sense? On a brighter note is V excited about school F I V E days per week? hehehe, I bet you are! LOL. Does she have a school uniform all waiting & the shoes, etc...? I'm not sure what you call the grades in NSW, but last year Jess did Kindy which was 2 days per week & this year she is in Pre-Primary which is 5 days per week & next year she hits Year 1. Is this the same for you?

KELLY _ I'm sorry your friend just didn't get it today, it's a really sinking feeling to know that the closest people to you, just don't get how things feel. Not that you wish a m/c upon anybody else, but sometimes you just wish they knew the hurt. My MIL often said off-course things about my m/c & even my own sister just doesn't understand either, but I just shut down over it now & pretend I didn't hear a thing. I agree with Janie, you need to take some YOU time! Go get a new style @ Maurice Mead or go to the movies & see Avatar & take advantage (not the mean advantage), of the help your mum is offering. Do some things for you, even buy a few housey nick nacks for Mel so you can connect it with buying them in Perth if that will help??

MICHELLE _ I'm so sorry to hear about your dad, I really hope everything goes well with his surgery. I sent you a text today, but have now read about your dad, so just press delete for me. Have you told your parents? What time is the amnio booked for? Is Greg going to that with you? I'm glad the kidlets are a somewhat distraction for you though, as frustrating as it can be at times.

BW _ I wish you were in my class at High School, my mum would have been so happy if you were my friend. Numbers & me just don't mix. LOL. How are you going lately? Everything good?

JANIE _ I think you should tell your mum, for reasons that you stated yourself, but you know your mum & your body, so you will know what's best. How little are they talking with little about bubs? How little was Nicholas? I really, really hope you don't go into early labour, so you need to rest, relax, take your chill pills & let DH be the hunter/gatherer & all the things in between! LOL

FREYA _ I was thinking about you so much the other night, the post you wrote about either being the pg or newborn mummy really hit home. That's how I felt for a loooooooong time after Claudia, when she hit the age that Jess was when I fell pg, I kept on thinking something was 'missing' & it was because I wasn't pg again. Then when she hit 2y3m which was the age Jess was when she was born, I felt naked again, like I should be giving birth again. I did second-guess myself for a long time, & I wish I could talk myself into another baby, because I would love a spontaneous birth, rather than being induced, but I'm very happy where things are right now. I have no nappies, no breast feeding, no waking during the night, the kids can put their shoes on & are becoming more independant each day, so I just hang onto that! LOL

Hope you all have wonderful saturday nights!

Love Jayne x