Which Parenting books do you recommend?

[OldMate]

A little disappointed that there are no male oriented books on the suggested lists. When we found out DW was pregnant, we bought a couple of books, one directly aimed at me. I was the first one to finish reading mine, and the first one to finish one of hers too. DW really enjoyed Kaz Cook, but I would have to agree with the sentiment that it shows that other people go through this, but doesn't supply much solid advice.

I recommend:

Not Rocket Science: DADS (because bringing up kids ain't hard)

[Smoke Jaguar]

Yep, OldMate, there IS the title, "So, you're going to be a dad", and we hated it. Well, most of it. It's supposed to be a funny spin on pregnancy and early parenthood. Not a lot of it applied to us and the way we intended to birth and parent as it subscribes a lot to the medicalisation and Western fear of birth, as well as separated sleeping and talk of 'sleep deprivation' (which we haven't really experienced because of our parenting choices). So, you won't find me recommending it, as a result!
My DP read the Marie Mongan book, so that he'd know what I was doing in labour etc.
The other books he bothered to leaf through were not specifically for women (anyone can read Pinky!).
I'd say, OM, that you are in a minority of partners - none of the dad's I know really did much reading of their own, sadly enough! So, it's not a deliberate exclusion of books for men here, it's a lack of decent material as well as not being in our experience that men WANT to read these books
Thanks for the recommendation, I'll look into this title for DP!

[BellyBelly]

For blokes - Men At Birth by David Vernon. The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin.

Sadly many dads books are pretty much not 'helpful' in the sense I would have liked, but men like to be humoured which most of the books contain!

Parenting could really be applied to either gender and also Raising Boys by Steve Biddulph has a section for dads, so both partners can apply the ideas. In fact there are lots of good Steve Biddulph books which are worth the read

[Cassius2]

Thought this was an interesting thread and have gotten some good ideas!

Useful ones (ie ones that i liked and used from time to time):

for pregnancy and birth i couldnt go past Sheila Kitzinger's pregnancy and birth book. i borrowed this one from my mum and read no other birth book (even as 'outdated' as it was!). was so glad to see that they recently brought out the next edition!

I also bought up the duff by kaz cooke as i quite liked the humour. and it made me smile and because it went from week to week i loved counting down the time. also it was the one that DH also liked to read as lots were in bullet points! LOL!

For babies and toddlers: i found Baby Love and The Mighty Toddler to be useful references. once Leila was born i didnt want anyone telling me how to raise my child, so didnt really go out and buy a particular line of parenting style book. but i also lived far away from family and needed to read something that at least gave me some 'take it or leave it' advice and that's kinda how i felt with these books. for anyone who hasnt read them, she worked as a maternal and child health nurse for yonks so that may give you an idea of her style. that said, some things she offered i didnt think much of, but overall there were some good reference points. her recipes for bubs are also pretty scrumptious!

Books that I didnt really like:

'save our sleep' tizzy hall. found this militaristic and a bit paternalistic. made me feel like a bit of a robot if i were to follow it, and didnt really have room to negotiate the approaches to the prescribed routines IYKWIM.

'kidwrangling' by kaz cooke. i had so much fun with UTD that i bought this without looking and i think i burst into tears the first time i read it as it also became a bit full on about the blame game of raising your child incorrectly etc. DH threw it out.

unfortunately i can't really read pinky mckay's stuff. again, mostly because i like to believe in my ability to know my own child. and although i do prescribe to alot of what she offers, the style is really blamey. i visit her website for tips, but the books are just a bit full on for me.

penelope leach's book on birth (cant remember the name...) this too was thrown out. again, very one way or the highway.

HTH

p.s. 'porn for new mums' IS THE BEST!! LOL!

[Smoke Jaguar]

Wow, I would never have attributed Pinky with those characteristics! I have found her to be a really liberating read - arming me with the ammunition to be the parent I want to be with my own child. I'm actually stunned to read your reaction, Cassius and don't understand it, not that we have to see eye to eye on these things
I've found The Politics Of Breastfeeding to be a sort of proxy parenting book. It's not really, yet it informs my parenting quite a bit in it's approach (probably because what it says I tend to think anyway, and it's just reinforcing that for me!).
Reading Diaper-Free by Ingrid Bauer and even though it's supposed to be about elimination communication, even she says that it's more than just a way to go to the toilet, it's a whole dynamic with your child and is really part of that unconditionality that some of us strive for in our parenting relationships
I'm with you, Cassius, about Kidwrangling. Actually, after reading the first bit of this (and promptly returning it to the library) I realised why my second reading of UTD (first time was two years before actually being UTD) was so disappointing - it just wasn't resonating with my parenting intentions Oh, well!

[BellyBelly]

Hmmm me too, that's an interesting way to describe Pinky's books and messages! Wouldn't have used that sort of description either... each to our own though!

[Cassius2]

oh mayaness i wish i had of gotten my kidwrangling from the library too instead of spending money on it!!! it's interesting that your reading of UTD second time round was so different...no doubt i'll be in the same boat!

as for Pinky's stuff, well i dunno! i like her articles and find them really comforting and useful and go to her website alot, but when i read her 'sleeping like a baby' i kinda felt as though i was still being told what was best practice for a healthy, happy bub and if i did it wrong i was ruining her (even though i was pretty much following it all anyway). i guess i am just not one for parenting books yet....

that said i dont really think that my Pinky McKay recommendation should be under the same bracket as TH's book!! uurrghhhhhhh. so i apologise enormously for that!!!