I completely lost it.

[Arimeh]

Deleted.

[MissEm]

You need to seek professional help, its the only way you will learn techniques to help control your emotions.

You also need to apologise to your daughter.

[feeb]

Hugs hun, we all have days that kids push our buttons so much that we snap. Some will scream and shout, some hit and some distance themselves from the issue.

You could seek professional help in anger managment and also look at strattegies to deal with naughty behaviour..

Hugs hugs.

When she wakes up give her a kiss and cuddle and tell her mummy is sorry and explain what she did was wrong and why.

[beckoes]

I totally have moments like that, dd1 can be a bit....much...at times and i have yelled SHUT UP at her before. i felt terrible, cried, she hugged me, we said sorry to each other and got on with life!

Sometimes anger is hard to control butthe fact that you can identify that you find it hard to control is half way to controling it....shall i say control again ???

Hugs to you. xxx

[luna moth]

Aaaaarghhhh! Oh, Nerdy Pants

I truly understand. Reading that, I felt really mad too. I know you've been having such a hard time with her lately. That must have been awful for you.

I really think she's reaching out to you with this behaviour. She needs your help to do the right thing. Is this something you can remind yourself when it happens? Think like a mantra of "She's doing this because she needs my help"

There's a great theory called the Circle of Security that explains this well. I'm not sure if there's a great website about it, but I'll have a look and get back to you. With more of these

[Mak]

Big hugs to you. Add sleep deprivation +++ to anything here and it is hard to be calm and collected all the time. xxx

[Olive]

i lose it too hun, i think its part of being a parent.
But you've recognised that you have a problem and most importantly you feel bad, so when she wakes sit her down and tell her why you got angry and apologise to her.
its ok hun

[BellyBelly]

I agree that you need some help and good on you for being honest and open trying to find it here for a start.

Get yourself to Parent Effectiveness Training asap (or read the book if not possible) and in addition you'll probably need some self development with anger issues, which is a process over time. You can learn some techniques for calming yourself down when this happens, or the effect on your children will be far more reaching than what any book could mean to you. I used to flip out sometimes too, but it was during a time in my life I felt incredibly unsupported, I was sick and depressed. Realising if any of these apply to you and seeking outside help is a good thing too.

[MissEm]

When she wakes up give her a kiss and cuddle and tell her mummy is sorry and explain what she did was wrong and why.

I'm sorry but no, don't do this. Say sorry to her and tell her that what MUMMY did was wrong and why. Then maybe talk about why we don't break things, and that we respect things.

Do not blame your daughter for your actions. You are the adult and you are the one that should be capable of controlling you actions. It is not your daughters fault that you acted the way you do.

[feeb]

I'm sorry but no, don't do this. Say sorry to her and tell her that what MUMMY did was wrong and why. Then maybe talk about why we don't break things, and that we respect things.

Do not blame your daughter for your actions. You are the adult and you are the one that should be capable of controlling you actions. It is not your daughters fault that you acted the way you do.

OP feels bad enough she does not need to be made to feel worse and judged.

She asked for help.

[Jakabella]

I'm sorry but no, don't do this. Say sorry to her and tell her that what MUMMY did was wrong and why. Then maybe talk about why we don't break things, and that we respect things.

Do not blame your daughter for your actions. You are the adult and you are the one that should be capable of controlling you actions. It is not your daughters fault that you acted the way you do.

Wow way to make someone feel bad! I guess you have never lost your temper then !?! Either that or you dont have kids...

[Manhattan]

Hugs Mel We all have moments when our lo's have managed to push all our buttons, and it's about all we can take. Don't be so hard on yourself

[Sterla]

[Rach75]

((GBH)) sweetie we have all been there done that...

as for Miss Em I'm sorry but you posts really peeved me..

[onthefly]

In the OP, Nerd asked about controlling her own behaviour, not about what to do with her DD, so I think Miss Em's response addressed that specific question.

[diannescruffy]

hun, I'm another one who has lost it. A kiss and a cuddle will let her know you still love her then explain what she did was wrong and appologize for your behaviour. Kids are so forgiving.

Regards,
Dianne

[peanutter]

Big fat hugs for Mrs Nerd Berger, and askance glances at the circle of Kumbaya-ers over in the corner ...

I hope you're ok, and that the book is repairable ... I'm super curious about what the book is, now!

I hope that you're feeling calmer now, and that you find some resources or strategies that help ... goodness knows, I have been in situations where I have been so livid that I literally have not been able to see straight - times where the whole world starts wavering and swimming, and I don't think I'm going to be able to restrain myself ... I think we've all been there in different ways, and have exploded (or imploded) differently, and from different triggers ...

I also hope that there's a productive way that you and your DD can both give and receive apologies in the morning, and forgive one another in the morning ... I know 3 is little, but she would have known that she was being naughty and destructive, and so I hope she can apologise and ask for your forgiveness too ...

but no matter what you decide with work for you and your munchkins, I hope that her benaviour improves and that you get some relief and some positive strategies soon.

[Phteven]

I'm so sorry your book got ruined. It's tough when something that we've been looking forward to and want to enjoy is destroyed. I would have been really angry too.
I try to tell my children that getting angry is ok. We all get angry sometimes but we can't let our anger hurt other people. I think it's best to apologise for what you did that you wish you hadn't done and then resolve to make tomorrow a better day.

As for how you learn to control something. I don't think you need to control your anger so much as acknowledge it and direct it somewhere that no-one (including you) gets hurt. If she is really pushing your buttons it's ok to give yourself a break from her. I find that going out to a park or something can help. I'm less likely to strangle them in public Also things can seem better in the fresh air.
Learning the symptoms can help - if you always clench your fists when you start to get angry or feel your heart rate increasing use that as a sign that you need to step outside to cool down or scream into a pillow or lock yourself in the bathroom for a while. If you need to you can put Lifeline on speed dial and ring them for a rant about your children to blow off steam.