Kuraisa, perhaps you have already tried this (and I admit I haven't read through everyone else's posts!) but is it worth trying to re-settle him just before the 40-45min mark? I know this works for some people and eventually the baby gets into a new groove and sleeps longer.
From my personal experience, I think you are amazing for doing this without much support. Natalie was unsettled for the first 6 months or so. There were some days I really didn't like her at all (even though I loved her because she was my baby, IYKWIM). But I was fortunate in that I had family nearby who I could visit, who loved her even though she cried all the time, and they gave me respite.
I found an afternoon walk provided a great time to recharge and she did sleep in the pram for 40 mins.
I found Tressillian were a brilliant help to me, and while I understand it isn't the same for everyone, I found they were very reassuring IRT 'normal' infant behaviour. I only used the over the phone service but I still found it helpful.
You might find there's an ABA group in your area? They may be a supportive group for you to be a part of if you think that'd help. (It could be worth a go in any case?)
I don't know what else to say. I recognise your desperation and I just wish I could help you. Can your DH take a sick day or a leave day before a weekend so that you can have a day and night off to rest (between feeds) then he can have the weekend to recuperate before work again on Monday? Things may seem a fraction easier to cope with if you've had a bit of a catchup on some sleep.
Take care of you, mate.
I know how utterly exhausting these non-sleeping babies can be! I can't offer any real advice (i never did find a way to stretch out the time between ds's frequent night wakings, and dd is hopeless too!) but i'd like to tell you this:
- frequent waking is common, normal and will have no negative effects on your baby (only on you!)
- things may get a bit better by themselves. dd only had half-hour naps til a couple of months ago; now she has one long one (1-2 hours) and a short one. i did absolutely nothing to change her sleep pattern - she just changed things by herself.
- breastfeeding is a wonderful thing to do for your baby. do you know for sure you don't have enough milk? i know that depleted feeling that comes from constant feeding, but chances are your milk is fine. giving formula may not be the best thing to do if you want to continue breastfeeding (this is not to criticise the use of formula - i'm just concerned that you might be better off getting some advice or reassurance from the aba or a lactation consultant - see one through a public hospital or ask your mchn if you can't afford private).
the other posters have given you some great ideas for combatting social isolation. get out there among the other mums and you will find people who are struggling with sleep deprivation, loneliness and the relentless demands of new motherhood. best of luck, and hugs to you.
Your suggestions are very good, unfortunately with my fatigue I find the prospect of leaving the house almost terrifyingly exhausting, however I realise that I need to seek social interaction in order to combat my social isolation. I have to start with baby steps, one thing at a time.
Yesterday I went to mother's group and I was almost panicking before I left the house, but once I was there everything was fine so I know I will be able to do it confidently again next week.
We're trying hard to work out Jude's sleeping arrangements so we've just bought a cot for his room which will be better ventilated and ultimately cooler at night for him to sleep more comfortably. I moved his bassinet to the living room where there's air conditioning and I took the advice Snacks gave me and tried to resettle before he fully woke up. He woke up anyway, but because he's right behind me I was on the case in 2 seconds and now he's asleep again. That's the first time I've ever successfully resettled him so I am very pleased.
My husband took a week of paid leave to be home with me and sort things out, too.
I have considered PND which is why I ended up seeing a clinical psychologist. I don't believe I have PND, just extreme fatigue which makes me situationally depressed, not chemically if you know what I mean.
I guess all I wanted was for someone to understand me and to know what it's like to be this completely fatigued so that even leaving the house seems like the most daunting task ever.
Oh, I so understand mate.
Congratulations on the resettling, and I'm so pleased your DH can take some time off. I'm sure that time will be invaluable for you to recuperate.
Take care - we are always here to listen and understand whenever you need it.
Good girl for going to mother's group, it really helps to just get out and talk to other mums. I'm so glad you resettled him! I used to do what Snacks suggested about resettling with DS2. He would do 40 minute sleep cycles, so I would go in to him a few minutes before 40 minutes and watch him. As soon as he stirred (he would sigh and move his head) I would pat him on his tummy to help him through to the next sleep cycle. It didn't work with every nap, but it usually worked once a day. My persistance paid off when one day he finally worked out how to go into the next sleep cycle by himself. So keep it up and it will pay off!
That's awesome too that your DH took some time off. I hope things start looking up for you soon
Another mum of a crappy sleeper here
Glad to have read through this and found a bit of good news. Well done on getting out to your MG, hope you can connnect with some of the other mummies there. And REALLY good news on resettling bubs.
The hug-a-bub got us through our hell in the early days.... and once he slept (at all) during the day, we found his night sleep improved also. We've had good and bad periods with sleep, but he still sleeps very little. Don't mean to sound disheartening, was just going to second the poster who said your body adapts and you cope.
All the best to you
Its a difficult road to be on - with no end in sight - and its easy to lose hope - lack of sleep is a KILLER.
Well done for getting out today.. there's not many days that i actually leave the house - the prospect of two having tanties when I'm out scares me to death!!
There are lots of people here that have been where you are at the moment - and they made it through - so there is hope there!!!!!
Hopefully one day this will all be a distant memory - and he'll grow into the most well behaved toddler EVER (well ya gotta hope for something good!!)
I was the same, people kept telling me to get on AD's, but I just knew if I could get some sleep I'd be ok. I found it pretty hard to talk about for awhile....but ummmm I'm obviously FINE now, I never shut up!
I so understand where you are cpming from. I have 2 bubs that don't sleep. I don't have a magic wand to fix your sleep problems - I wish I could.
What worked for me at 3 months - a 3 months old needs to go back to sleep after about 2 - 3 hours of being awake otherwise they get overtired and then can't get to sleep. If possible get a blockout blind for his room and make it dark and cool as possible. Have a consistant sleep routine - same song, same phrase "it's time to sleep now Mummy loves you" feed your little man in his room, pop him in the cot and pat gently until he falls asleep - it might take a while but it will work. he will soon associate the feed, the song and the sleeptime phrase with actual sleep.
I know it's hard and it makes you think "why does everyone elses baby sleep", rest assured they don't. I'm still up with DD 2-3 times a night and she's almost 14 months old.
Hang in there, if you're interested there is a sleep consultant that will do phone consults - google Sleep and Settle. She helped us enormously I would reccommed her.
I just wanted to say a big Yay! On going to mum's group. I remember what that was like- leaving the house is a military operation when bubs is still so little. ANd when you're so tired you feel like your not quite really there- like you're dreaming.
And excellent work on the re-settling, it will hopefully make all the difference.
kuraiza - re our BB group - I think what has happened is that alot of us in the group have had subsequent babies this time around, and therefore have already experienced that lack of sleep comes with the turf of being a mum. So, it may well seem we are all cruisey and sunshine, but of course we have our times with our bubs too.
I think this time around for me, Zander is a result of karma from Giselle - who was a nightmare until about 6 months ago!!
I think I have previously posted that there is always more good than bad, but when you are so terribly exhausted, it is hard to see.
These ladies have given great suggestions, - to add, instead of a chiro, have him checked over by an osteo - they should charge less for babies, and that box can be ticked. He might be tight down one side which makes it uncomfortable for him to be in any one position for a length of time, not necessarily pain, just uncomfortable enough to prevent him going back to sleep. That is the only other thing I can think of that hasn't been posted!
Try marking on your calendar 3 days of the week in advance which days you will go out at first - mentally you will be ready, pack bags the night before, wash hair night before - so a quick shower and you can get out of the house.
Continue to take those baby steps, they are important for you both !
kuraiza you've been given great advice, and i just wanted to mention the thyroid gland
When DD was 3 months old i was so exhausted i was lying on the sofa most of every day, my hair was falling out in clumps, i felt cold all the time (in Scotland though, so it IS colder here), and i had a large swelling in my throat which ached sometimes. It turned out that my thyroid gland was being attacked by my immune system, but post-partum (that is, temporary, mine is permanent) thyroiditis is actually rather common. Your doctor can check for this with a simple blood test and if you do have it they can give you levothyroxine - a little pill once a day which replaces what you're unable to make. If it's post-partum your thyroid will spontaneously recover on its own, but the drugs make a MASSIVE difference to how you feel. What struck the loudest bell with me was the feeling of it being an ordeal to even leave the house. I was like a slug, everything felt too hard. I just wanted to curl up and sleep for a month. I was a single mum by then and it was SO SO exhausting (DD was an ok sleeper, fed 3-4 times a night but slept for 60-90mins twice a day in the daytime).
So sorry for what you're going through. I'm another mum of a non-sleeper and I remember those terrible despairing times. She almost two now and still not sleeping through, although she's much better and easier to resettle now. Here are the things that have saved us:
co-sleeping. It truly is the best way to get the most sleep possible. Don't worry about forming habits at this stage, you're in survival mode
I didn't start Mothers' Group until my daughter was three months and it was fine. There were a range of ages there.
Nap when he naps, even if it's only for forty five minutes. You'll be amazed at the difference it makes
Your husband needs to get up with him in the morning so you can have an extra hour sleep. This is non-negotiable, as you have no other support
Make sure he is tightly swaddled. There is a fantastic book called 'The Happiest Baby on the Block' with amazing footage of very fussy babies instantly calming from tight swaddling and loud (vaccuum cleaner level) white noise. I wish I'd known about it when my daughter was small. The Happiest Baby
it's normal for your hair to start falling out between three and six months after giving birth. I lost about a third of my hair, it's just about recovered now.
feeding every two hours is fine and totally normal for a baby his age. Talk to an Australian Breastfeeding counsellor, or email the help line, for reassurance and ideas. Australian Breastfeeding Association
DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF. It is nothing you are doing or not doing. Some (many) babies just don't need as much sleep as others. If you can't resettle after his first sleep cycle in five minutes, give it up. Just put him down for a nap earlier. Life is too short to spend hours trying to resettle a crying baby.
Go for a walk even if you're exhausted. You will feel better, I promise.
It won't be like this forever. It really, really won't. Do not get hung up on all that sleep scheduling and routine advice, follow your baby's lead. You'll have plenty of time to change sleep associations when he's over six months.
your orignal post is what everyday of the past 13 months has been for me .
in the end i couldnt get up anymore for me it was every hour , and began co sleeping , i've been a single parent since 4 months . if your like me , going to be use to be pre baby wind down time , so for me co sleeping has been just another problem .
We have failed sleep school twice , sleeping her on her back and controlled cry didn't work for us , neither did wrapping , holding , rocking or singing . taping , pram pushing , self settling , comfort toy or a pillow .
Try Soft Music Over night , weather it be lullabys or nursery rhymes its up to u , that worked for a couple of weeks i would get one stretch of 2.5 hrs from that .
i have a light sleeper , if found most of the over nighters in my baby group were getting a " dream feed " prior to the parent going to sleep i could never work that out i cant move dd when shes a sleep she wakes .
feel free to contact me if u want more info or to bounce idea;'s, but i hope you find somthing that works for you because i dont wish the last 12 months on anyone .
kuraiza - Something that's helped me to get out of the house is to get everything ready the night before, while DH is around to help look after DD.
I always make sure her stroller is ready to go, so that after a feed and change I can put her straight in her stroller and leave the house.
Also on some walks I take my ipod with me and listen to music - it makes me feel like I'm just walking around and not looking after a baby IYKWIM. I get to disconnect from things mentally a bit, I get some exercise (which helps my mood) and often she'll fall asleep for a little while if I walk far enough.
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