So this is about DD2 who is 4 - 5 in Jan. I don't even know where to start...about 6 weeks ago we all moved about an hour and a half away to live with DP. And since we've moved in her behaviour has changed...well, I thought it had changed but now i'm thinking it's more that she's always been like this and i've ignored it. DP won't ignore it, she's telling lies all the time...example, she's not allowed in the sandpit at daycare because she often gets bladder infections and conjunctivitis when she's in the sand pit. The convo goes like this DD2(G) "I didn't go inthe sandpit today and i'm not lying" me "really, ok what will miss Sophie say if I ask her?" G "I don't know" me "did you go in the sanndpit?" G "I think so...yes". Ive told her she'll get into more trouble for lying than she will for doing the thing and she nods and says "ok" and then smirks. It's NOT GOING IN!

DP thinks, and I pretty much agree that she has had all my time...all of it. We all (me and the other 2 kids) pretty much cave when she cries because it's easier, it was me by myself and I know I let her get away with a lot. Now DP is calling her on everything...and it's so stressfull. Another example, she'll be watching something and i'll be downstairs with DP and she'll find any reason to call out..."muuuum can I have some water" etc...she knows she can have water she just wants to take my attention away from DP. I hate to say it because it sounds so mean but she is manipulative...she'll be in trouble and come up and say I love you to try and get out of it or purpousfully hurt herself (I saw her) so i'll come and hug her. It's really, really damaging my realtionship with DP and it's worse because I try and make excuses for her and he's getting really fed up...so am I.

I spend time with just her, i've shown her, told her we'll do crafts or whatever for an hour and half then i'll go downa nd spend time with DP, she says yes she understands then 5 mins after i've gone its "muuuum". I don't know what to do. And this is happeneing ALL THE TIME...DP says ignore her and then she gets upset...I know she's not really, there are no tears. And she'll stop crying and sit and watch tv then rememeber and start crying again. So I know it's not real but it still hurts me to watch it. I don't know what to do

It's all come to a head because on Monday DP noticed that one of his leather stools was scratched...3 lines down the middle. DD2 was the only one home so I went and spoke to her. She said no it wasn't her and she thought it was DD1. SO I spoke to the other 2 after school...denial all round. We spent a couple of days trying to figure out what to do...DP is pretty ****ed off and upset that one of them will deliberately try and cut his chair. So yesterday in the car I told them that no one would get pocket money untill the stall was paid for or until someone owned up. So DD2 said it wsa her. She said she did it because everyone was cranky at her. I asked her how she did it and she said with her drink bottle lid. When we got home DP tried it and it wouldn't have been that so I asked her again and she said scissors...so another lie. We've given her her punishment and told her that it's so much worse because she lied and tried to get DD1 in to trouble...told her the punishment (no scooby doo, going to friends house or barbie computer till her behaviour changes) and she nodded and said ok. I explain again why she's in trouble and what she has to stop doing and I get the nod and smirk...it's not sinking in. I don't know how to get her to understand. Five mins later she's running around laughing saying it's ok because she'll see her friend soon.

We're both tearing our hair out, have no idea what to do. DP just doesn't want to be around her at the moment at all. Which is making it so hard for me.

If anyone has any advice i'd be so grateful...i'm just lost