Giving Your Children The Things You Missed Out On As A Child.

[*TripleJ*]

i dont know but with my mum beng a single mum and working full time we couldnt do things like sport and dancing until we were much older so i do want to try and get them into something that they like but other than that i think they way i was brought up except with the only one parent thing was good and i'd like to try and do the same for my kids it was very balanced and we werent spoiled with toys etc i dont feel like i missed out on anything as such

[Beautiful Disaster]

i dont know but with my mum beng a single mum and working full time we couldnt do things like sport and dancing until we were much older so i do want to try and get them into something that they like but other than that i think they way i was brought up except with the only one parent thing was good and i'd like to try and do the same for my kids it was very balanced and we werent spoiled with toys etc i dont feel like i missed out on anything as such

Im exactly the same. I didnt get the opportunity to do all those outside school things. DP is one of 5 and he was the same. We are hoping to be able to give our little one whatever they want to do and not hold them back. I always wished that I could have had those things but oh well. I dont even remember going on holidays or outings so that makes me a little sad. I didnt go on my first real holiday till DP and I went to Airlie Beach last June. We are going to make it an annual thing now.

I also never got the affection and I Love You's. I was lucky that my nan was the one looking after me and I am still to this day the closest with her of all 7 grandkids. LOL i get special treatment they dont lol

[MrsFabuloso]

There are several things I would like to teach and give my children which I felt I missed out on.

I'm another who grew up with alot of material things. I think for my parents that was important to give us as they grew up without alot of 'stuff'. I got given alot of big gifts at christmas and birthdays in particular. I think being given lots of stuff when I was little, now makes me a bit a material person though. I never had to 'work' for the things I wanted I didn't save my money, or even get pocket money for chores (I didn't have set chores) for that matter, I was just given what I wanted it has also made me a bit selfish. Now I find it difficult to wait for things, to save or have a vision of what I want before I get it, I just want it now!!

I don't want that for my children. Of course I want them to have things they want, and they are given generous gifts and things, but I am also trying to teach them that they need to wait for things sometimes, they don't just 'get' because they 'want'. I'm starting to try to teach my DD that if she does something like tidy some of her toys, I will give her 10 or 20 cents and she puts it into her money box. I encourage her to think of what she would like to buy with it, small things, and we get it when we go out. We count her money and I'm trying to teach her the value of it. She has a little understanding of it all, and DS is usually with us when we do it all too. I will start with him soon! She has so far brought a ride on a little merry go round at the shops, and very generously, she chose the one her brother could go on with her too. We have put her birthday money into the bank to try to teach her to save it too. She has also given me 70cents when I didn't have the change to make up the exact money and didn't want to break a $50 note for a $4 purchase, lol! I quietly put a dollar back later, but I want her to be generous with her money too.

I want to give them really nice holidays. While we had short holidays to our caravan regularly, and I did love it, I also want to go overseas with my children when they get a bit bigger. As well as show them the rest of Australia too. It was lovely having a place to go to on weekends, but we never went on big family holidays, all together. It was often just mum and I. Sometimes dad would come, but my brothers never came (they are 9 and 10 yrs older than me) I don't have memories of doing much with my brothers. Which is part of the reason I wanted my own children close together, to try to help them have a close relationship with each other. In hindsight, I think the reason it was just mum and I was because my parents marriage was failing, for many years it just wasn't a good relationship, so dad and mum did separate things. Which is another thing I want to give my children, a good role model of what a loving marriage is. While I was regularly told and show physicall I was loved by my parents, they weren't terribly loving with each other. In fact there was alot of emotional abuse within their relationship.

I want to give my kids my time too. I was given all of my mums attention when I was little until I was about 5ish, then she started working and never stopped. She rarely came to my school things like athletic carnivals or school excursions. Though my brothers often say they remember mum being there for them. Doing canteen duty and always coming to their carnivals and stuff. They also did athletics and soccer as extra curricular things which her and dad took thm to. I didn't do anything at all, until I was baout 13 when I chose myself and started swimming with a girlfriend. But mum rarely took me or hardly ever came to swim meets. When she wanted to go to the caravan, we went there instead of doing my swimming things. My girlfriends mum usually took me or I walked there on my own from school. I ended up quitting because I hated depending on my firends mum and letting my team down. I hated her for it and still hold resentment towards mum for that. I never felt prioritised at all and still don't. My kids will get my time, and they are one of the most important thing to me no matter what.

[MummaSue]

My mum never let us display negative emotions EVER. If we were angry, we were made to feel bad about that, like it wasn't allowed - we were being bad or naughty. Like her love was conditional if we only displayed positive emotion. I now have a totally inappropriate response to anger, I cry like a baby when in confrontational situations - which at work is totally inappropriate.
Anyway, I'll be nurturing ALL of the emotions of my little girl. We'll talk about ALL of what she is feeling as opposed to just the good stuff.
I'm keeping up the co-sleeping as long as she wants to - much to the disgust of my mother.

I won't play mind games with her, if there is something on my mind, I'll talk to her about it. And by doing that, hope that she does the same.

Anything she wants to do creatively will be nurtured - my husband is very arty and musical and he is hoping that she will be the same but we certainly will not be forcing her into anything she doesn't want to do.

And yeah, we are going to try for the best education possible.

What a fabulous thread!!!
Sue xx

[Jaycee]

Luckily for me, it's not about giving DS the things I missed out on, it's about giving DS the same kind of childhood I had, as I really did have a fantastic childhood and don't feel I missed out on anything material, or emotional.

My fondest memories are of annual holidays, trips into the city with my mum, sitting on my dad's lap watching the footy together, both mum and dad supporting me through my ten pin bowling days, with mum and dad's support both emotionally and financially (bowling is a very expensive sport!) I made it to the state team even. I even crept into mum and dad's bed every night until I was 7, they didn't mind at all

It makes me sad that there's so many of you that didn't have the childhood you should of had

[kirsty_lee]

It makes me sad that there's so many of you that didn't have the childhood you should of had

Jaycee I can't speak for every one who has had an unpleasent childhood, but I know for me personally I spent alot of time when I was younger 'hating' my life, wondering what I had done so wrong to deserve the things that had happend to me etc and it wasn't until I took a really good look at myself in the mirror and decided to stop being a victim that my perspective changed. Sure it wasn't pleasant, and I still get sad about alot of it. But I can't regret the things that happend cause they made me the person I am today kwim? They taught me alot of valuable lessons which I will be able to pass onto my children. It makes me very happy to see someone such as yourself talk about your family life, it sounds lovely. xx

[MummaSue]

Totally agree Kirsty-Lee - I have learned so much about myself since having my little one. It doesn't make me sad that things were the way they were, I am grateful to have more insight into myself.

Sue x

[Floweryfields]

Well I had a pretty great childhood, but the three things that stand out for me that I want for my children is grandparents, mine all died by the time I was 4 and I still feel ripped off that I didn't have any. My mum is a really clean freak, so she didn't spend a whole lot of time playing with me as a child, she was a SAHM so I was very appreciative (or rather am now) that I had her home with me, she just was always busy keeping everything spotless and she has admitted to me that she regrets taht. The third is Mum doesn't have and never has had a licence, so living in the country, we never got to go to movies or have a day in town for the school holidays cause dad was at work and mum couldn't take us.

[Olive]