My DD 'talks back' and I am happy about it!!

[~Kaz~]

Heaven your parenting style sounds similar to mine and/or your DD similar to my DS! He will come and tell me when I have hurt his feelings (usually when I've yelled or used a sharp tone with him). LOL and I LOVE that he does that. Because it pulls me up and helps me to realise that I've become "stressy" mummy who is overly task focused at the expense of our connection. I didn't teach him that line btw, I think his daycare teach the kids to say that with peers but I actually feel really proud of him that he feels he can come and tell me when I've upset him (and vice versa because I'll always tell him when he's getting on my nerves and why ). He has done it a few times now, to both DP and myself.

And FWIW, I agree with lots of the previous discussion as well. It's about teaching kids the respectful or socially appropriate way in all areas of their communication and behaviour and our expectations should change as they grow and develop. I try to always respect DS, even if I can't go along with what he wants (and it happens frequently) in the hopes that he will model this respect towards himself and others as he grows and eventually (hopefully) internalise it.

[Heaven]

Kaz- yes, my DD will do the same! If I am frustrated at her and snap at her she will tell me 'You don't speak to me like that, that was not a very nice voice'. Or she has told me 'it makes me sad when you do that'. And I love that she tells me these things. I love her to tell me if I'm doing something wrong and how it makes her feel because maybe I don't even notice if I'm feeling frustrated and I can apoligise and do better.

Its the talking back that you seem to welcome (which to me she wasn't really doing). Talking back, to me, is a child back chatting with disrespect. Your DD was letting your DH know she'd been hurt & that scene would've pretty much played out the same way in my house.

Maybe I just used the wrong words? Talking back to me in a way that is disrespectful is not on, and I don't talk to them that way either. But telling me how they feel even if it's to disagree with me or tell me that I've done something that they think is wrong is totally ok with me and welcomed.

[Maruschke]

Maybe I just used the wrong words? Talking back to me in a way that is disrespectful is not on, and I don't talk to them that way either. But telling me how they feel even if it's to disagree with me or tell me that I've done something that they think is wrong is totally ok with me and welcomed.

Yeah maybe it's just the wording. "Talking back" has such a negative connotation to me, it seems weird to celebrate it. It seems what you are celebrating is her speaking her feelings in a respectful way? Of course that is OK! Defiance or disrespect isn't.