No, there's no reason to punish her for that. She did nothng wrong, you're right. I wouldn't punish for what your DD did either. A 3 year old needs to learn the boundaries before they can be punished for them anyway.

Its the talking back that you seem to welcome (which to me she wasn't really doing). Talking back, to me, is a child back chatting with disrespect. Your DD was letting your DH know she'd been hurt & that scene would've pretty much played out the same way in my house.

Talking back to me comes with eye rolling. Its not something I will ever take easily, as it is disrespectful. I do wonder how your style of parenting will go when she is a preteen/teen. I'm often one to explain to my kids why they/we can't do something, or why something is the way it is, but sometimes it just isn't something they should know. I shouldn't have to say to DD that we can't afford this or that because ex refuses to give us any money towards the kids. Thats something they shouldn't have to know. But I shouldn't feel the need to explain that either.

I don't know if I could pull it off