Kitfaeire, I love your post. Symbiotic relationship is a beautiful description of a parent/child bond. I think it is terrible that your friend is throwing her issues onto you, especially when you seem to be really happy about your choices. It really blows my mind that she might be 'worried' about what is a completely reasonable thing, to throw yourself into motherhood. If you were unhappy, resentful and suffering from depression it might be worth being worried about, but happy, with good reasoning behind your choices and I assume a happy child also?? Maybe her worries say more about her issues than anything else

I think your questions about balance and nurturing yourself are really important ones to consider, but the answer to the question and the balance you see as perfect between the 'mum-you' and 'you-you' will be different for every person. It will even be different for you at different stages of the parenting journey.

The way I look at it, children come attached, literally. You may cut the cord at birth, but that is only the start of their separation from you. I believe in keeping my kids close in the early years. Almost as an extension of me. This naturally and gradually lessens as they grow. I take my kids lead, but I try to make sure that I am still there for them. I celebrate their little milestones of independence and embrace them as their touchstone when they need to regroup. Gradually their steps into the big wide world are bigger and bigger and I love that. It is as they become more independent, I begin to start to give back time to myself. I consider it such a short time that I need to be all about them that I can afford to put 'me' on hold for a little bit.

Having said that, I do make time where I can to look after myself. When my babies needed me more, it might have been as simple as treating myself to a good book or magazine that I would read while breastfeeding. I might have left them for a little bit from a few months but mostly the just came everywhere with me. Rather than being a drain, I found it really easy. After a few months, when they finally began to reliably go to bed at night at a reasonable time, I made more of an effort to take time for myself. I gave up on doing any housework in the evenings and took that time for me. I love to make things, to create and it feels like a real treat to indulge in creating when the washing needs to be done. I give myself that treat for my sanity. I have also set up a fortnightly catch up for other mothers in my area now that the kids are old enough to not need me to put them to bed. It is soooo lovely to chat with other people without the constant interruption of children! I see this as the slow process of getting back to me.

I plan to keep working out this balance as a work in progress as the kids become more independent. I feel that the groundwork is being done now to build some strong, confident little people and I can't wait for them to launch themselves onto the world in every increasing doses as they find their feet. As they move forward and away from me (in that ever needing sense) I will turn back to myself more and re-embrace me as a person who has another whole side to her now.