i need to be told its okay.....

[Heaven]

I thought I had the worst sleeper in history and it was my fault bc she always needs to be rocked or fed to sleep and she never self settled. I tried lots of different things and was at the end of my rope!! I finally took the advice from the trusty BB girls and gave up!! That's the only thing that worked. I just stopped trying to change her and did what she wanted and what worked. And I have seen massive improvements!! It really is just a phase and we are coming out the end of it now! Hang in there

[Janie]

Yep, it's totally okay hun . I personally love the No-Cry Sleep Solution for reassurance. Although it has 'plans' that you can try, it also talks alot about what is 'normal' for babies, what they need and why, and helps you to assess whether there really is anything you need to change at all! But any of the other books listed will help you too.

It sucks that there is no easy solution, but know that it will end one day . This will all seem a distant memory! In the meantime, just go with whatever works, and I mean whatever. I too found co sleeping difficult, until DS was about 8 months, and I was just soooo sleep deprived that somehow co sleeping became the better option, mostly just because I ALWAYS fell asleep while feeding him. In fact, I often wouldn't really wake up when DS did, even if I was getting him from his cot in the next room!!! But we did move past all of that, and co sleeping when it happens is lovely these days and he can also sleep in his own bed . You know, in a years time you'll probably be saying all these reassuring words back to me .

Oh, and MR is right, pretty much all sleep schools will advocate some form of cc. I went to a day stay, and although they didn't force me to do things I wasn't comfortable with, I still wasn't overly happy with their methods. I did keep up with them for a month at home, but it was REALLY hard and I was so much more tired than I'd ever been. DS just could not sleep through at that age. Things were much easier when we went back to what we'd been doing . You live and learn I guess!

Take care hun, rest when you can, and just close your eyes and dream of those pina coladas .

[Shanti]

Hang in there hun you are doing a great job (as you know)....

My DD has never been a very good day sleeper and if she sleeps longer than 45mins/1hr then that's a good sleep for her in the day time!! And night time we are still waking 1-3 times on any given night here too.... sometimes she'll only wake once a night and that's a good night. Occasionally she will sleep 8 or 9hrs straight!! She still feeds once a night (sometimes twice if growth spurt) and we're BF'ing.

She is nearly 9mths now and when she was about 4mths of age I decided I wasn't going to 'try' anymore and just went with the flow of her and if she wanted to feed to sleep, i would let her, if she wanted to be put down and fall asleep on her own, which she does sometimes, i would let her.... and i found doing that... just going with the flow of 'your' particular baby, is the easiest way about it.... and trying not to focus on how tired we are all the time. However I know you must be very tired with 3 young kids I'll be there one day

We do a bit of co-sleeping some nights it seems to give me that little bit extra rest I need rather than walking back and forth to her room.

The biggest thing I have learnt since becoming a Mum, is parenting out of instinct.... not what any book tells you... (however Pinky is really good I love her books!!) because at the end of the day it is YOU that has to live with the decisions/consequences/regrets or whatever..... just do what feels right.... i parent out of instinct, its the best way

[Winter]

I really needed this today too! I have just got back from mothers group with my confidence knocked! All their babies are sleeping through, in their own cots for 12 hours! I felt like the sucker with the co-sleeping wriggler whose cot takes up half the room and the total lack of privacy.

But this is exactly what I needed to read today. DD is only little for such a short time, I will get my bed back, I will get my room back and I will get my love life back.

Won't I??

[onthefly]

I know it's really hard right now mbear, but look around in here: lots of mums that have been there too and we're still going.

[Shanti]

I really needed this today too! I have just got back from mothers group with my confidence knocked! All their babies are sleeping through, in their own cots for 12 hours! I felt like the sucker with the co-sleeping wriggler whose cot takes up half the room and the total lack of privacy.

But this is exactly what I needed to read today. DD is only little for such a short time, I will get my bed back, I will get my room back and I will get my love life back.

Won't I??

Winter, I always wonder though, are ALL those mothers telling the truth????

And yep, I too, constantly remind myself that DD will only be little for such a short time and I will miss these days when they are grown up! (not the lack of sleep but the other stuff!!)

[Winter]

Probably not, Shanti! I'm sure none of them sleep through all the time, but they all parent so differently to me...I really love the women, but I feel like a fish our of water in my parenting choices.

I'm just so thankful that there is a beautiful bunch of women on here who can prop each other up when the doubts creep in.

*Mwah* I love youse all! xox

[Willow]

Mbear - I truly know how you feel because DS1 was the same. You need to do what works for you and what you're comfortable with.

For ME, we got to 10 months and I hit rock bottom. I just couldn't take the sleep deprivation any more and hated the mum I'd become (cranky, irritable, yelling at the kids constantly etc) We went to sleep school (and didn't use CIO methods) and that's what worked for US. I wish it didn't happen that way but I have no regrets about it.

Before then I just did whatever worked to get the most amount of sleep for both of us. Hang in there, one way or another he WILL eventually get there.

[mbear]

Thanks gorgeous ladies.....

Shanti - your so right. Deep, deep down, i know what im doing is ok...i know its working for us (kinda). I guess like Winter () i get really anxious and uptight when i hear 'oh my god...your still up 4 times a night', or 'maybe you should start solids'. Its then i question myself, its then i start to think 'why isnt my baby sleeping 12 hrs'. It truly does my head in.
Your all right...i know it goes quickly. I remember crying (yet again....) to my DH when DD#3 was 8 months old, saying i cant do this sleep depo anymore...its killing me. Now, she runs to bed at 7pm, gets all juicy under the blankets, says 'nite mumma' and we dont hear from her till 7am next morn. That day...for my little boy seems a zillion galaxies away.....

Marcellus...your right, i know there are a lot of BB gals up at all hours like moi....i guess just having a show of hands that 'hey, ive been there too' is somewhat comforting. Rather than the ' you should call tresillian, he sounds really bad !'

Bek - no more crying....pulease............

Thanks lovies....you think by #4 i kinda would know whats instore...but nope...they are all sooo different.....
XX

[Winter]

Sorry to have hijacked your thread Mbear, it was just that I am feeling the exact same way as you!

Hope you are feeling better, I know these replies have helped me feel better about what I'm doing & what the real goal is.

[Willow]

you think by #4 i kinda would know whats instore...but nope...they are all sooo different.....

Yep hun, they sure are and DS1 taught me that. It was hard at the time but now I appreciate all the things he taught me about being a mum.

And you know people say those sorts of things to make themselves feel good about what an awesome parent they are becaues their kid sleeps. Most of us know it's just the luck of the draw, some sleep, some don't. So try not to take it on board (and I know that's hard when it feels like the whole world is alseep while you're up for the 4th time that night).

Big babe, you're doing an awesome job.

**ETA: Mbear the other thing is, he's only 5 months old!!! He's still so little and needs his mummy. I think he sounds like a pretty normal little baby to me.

[onthefly]

:yeahthat:

How well your baby sleeps is not a valid metric for evaluating your performance as a parent...

[Liviam]

You are doing an amazing job with H, especially since you have three others kids demanding your time and attention as well. I've got no advice for you (you don't want any off me, mine DS is sleeping even less than yours - feel better??) but heaps and heaps of support, hugs and an cyber ear.

[BekZ]

I was just thinking about you today my dear and wondering if H has settled for you. Truely you need a big hug and thanks for the post too. I don't have any answers except to go with your gut feeling. I don't have the constant waking with Miss E but she is feeding for up 2 hours overnight. I have tried taking her off when I think she is just sucking for comfort but that ends up in a crying mess (both of us), so I just lay in bed with her attached to me and I drift in and out of sleep ( sort of). Whilst I am not getting a deep sleep I figure that a doze is better than nothing.

[ll80]

I havent read all the responses but my little one 10.5mths is still up 4-5 times a night,and needs a feed to re-settle each time.
So I completely understand what you mean when you say you're tired!
It'll get better, just have to ride it out!