I don't think anyone is talking about 'right' and 'wrong'. We all agree that we all do what we need to do. I think the only thing I would openly say is wrong is CIO. Don't care how judgmental I am on that one LOL. There's so much out there about the effect this has on baby's brain development and emotional well being. But the subject of this thread is questioning why this self settling thing is such a big deal, and why so many people strive to attain it, when quite possibly going along with baby's needs could well be what could work for their family, instead of this eternal 'fight' to get them to self settle.

For us, I've never considered the baby as the one that 'had to give'. DD1 was depriving me of sleep something chronic in the early days. She was very colicky and just wouldn't stay asleep. She would also only sleep propped over a cushion on her tummy. So for us, getting through this took DH sacrificing a night of sleep here and there to let me sleep. He'd stay up (playing xbox all night.. hah.. some sacrifice!) and bring her in for feeds only. We weren't happy to let her sleep on her tummy unsupervised. This would let me catch up and I'd be good to go for another few days or so. This didn't last forever, and she went back to self settling until the next developmental leaps where that all fell apart! We also had DS still waking and coming in to sleep with us at the time, and he was still breastfeeding too. Mum has always been a good help too letting me fall asleep on the lounge while she watches the kids. As is always said.. that village is so so important in helping us to cope with these little people. It's not a one man show. If I had to do absolutely everything with no help catching some zz's to keep going, then yeah, I'd crack at some point.