Powelly - welcome! Congratulations too on your glorious BFP and pregnancy. And hugs for having such a rough day

How brave of you to join this thread... I know it takes a lot of courage, or at least it did for me, to join a pregnancy thread ( and now they can't get me to leave...lol). Next step my sweet is a ticker... it took me til 18 weeks to get up the courage to do one and honestly I wish I'd done it sooner.... in some many other ways I celebrated the pregnacy with Hannah, but then in some crucial ways where I needed to demonstrate it to others I couldn't? I suppose we all do what we need to in order to get through. I would put my hand on my tum every day, usually lots of times throughout the day, inhale, close my eyes, and just revel in the joy that right now right at this very minute, I am pregnant and growing a new life within me. It really helped calm me down and connect with the baby that is now Hannah. But then it took me ages to join a pregnancy thread, to get a ticker, to set up a nursery, to actually beleive that I would get to bring Hannah home.

First of all, you will cope with early parenting. Yes it can be challenging, but you've done it already and you can do it again. It will be different to parenting DS, but your new bubs is their own person, who has two big brothers. But you will cope and you will be an awesome mum. So put that worry aside for now....

Second of all - even though I can't say from my own experience ( yet...) I expect that after actually having the wonder of parenting an earthside bubba that a pregnancy following loss is even more arduous both emotionally and physically, than one after loss. How do I express this without sounding insensitive? A loss of any baby is completely devastating, but once you've had an earthside bubba, there's more understanding of the realities of what is lost? For me, now that I get to parent Hannah, I more keenly miss the opportunities I could have had with Amelia, Nicholas and Sophie, more than I did before Hannah. Before it was more me just imagining what the realities of parenting were, rather than actually having experienced them. Seriously? If I lost any future pregnancies, I think I'd go batty. Seriously. I think that would be the end of any semblance of sanity.

So having said all that? I guess I am trying to say, as you already know from your own experience pregnancy after loss is a tough journey and I think this journey now will be even more demanding. But having said that, I have every confidence that you will make it through. You are a beautiful and resilient woman, and you can do this.

That's understandable being worried about depression.... if you think about it, you're saying you're worried about loss of control. I remember feeling petrfied of depression too both ante and post natal. I think what I did was first of recognise it, then explore it and then just accept those fears. It's almost that once I did that I was less worried about it... sort of I took away the fear of the unknown. Didn't mean I banished the fears completely, but most of the time, I didn't let them have power over me. Ahh, back to control.... one of the mantra's I try to tell myself is accepting that there is only a perception of control.... but to also focus on the things I can control... which is in essence how I choose to respond to things. Damn hard, that one.

If you feel that your anxiety is getting on top of you then seek help. Honestly, to look after your DS and the baby you're growing now, you need to look after yourself. Also there's no need to carry more burden's than you already are - why make the journey harder?

About getting through the pregnancy? My tip? Take it one moment at a time. It's such a big journey ... right now it feels insurmountable, like climbing Mt Everest, but if you focus on the now or break up the journey into smaller parts, it seems much more manageable.

And about the thoughts of not being able to cope with another baby? Mums who haven't had loss think that too...

Go gently on yourself, this is a very hard time. And always feel free, whether it's doom and gloom or not, to ask for support and express your thoughts in here. That's what we're here for - to listen, and try and help you through.

Hey guess what? You're pregnant! That is just the most amazing miracle and right now, you are doing the most important thing ever - being a mum.