I can't begin to understand what you must be going through, I worried a lot with DD, but have never had to go through the experience of losing a baby so I didn't have that extra worry iykwim.
Talk to scott, I'm sure he would want to help you in any way he can, and who knows he might be feeling the same way too. We're all here for you, and looking forward to Cookie's BA, you're doing a wonderful job.