Ashlea: great posts some excellent advice there.
Kobeh: I'm another who had a "surprise" first baby after only being with my partner for a few months. That was 14 years ago! What ever path you take there will be support and options. No need to be crippled by fear. You have had a short while to get used to the idea... give your partner a while to digest it. His first reaction will reflect his shock.
Keep communicating! People cope with stress better if they feel heard.
You have some time (more than a month) before you need to make up your mind. Talk to your doctor (usually the Uni clinics are very helpful here). Give your partner some time as well. You need to be as sure as you can be that you're making the right decision for you.
Oh honey . I found out I was pregnant last August after I'd been here in Oz (Im from texas) for two months. I finished uni and I was getting married but it was just awful. DH and I had spent so much time apart wanting to be together and the second we were we got pregnant. My MIL suggested a termination and I was hurt beyond measure. I had my wee girl in April; it's been really rough at times but now she's the light of my life. I love her so much, I couldn't imagine being without her. Keep talking about it, talking helps and don't rush into anything.
My suggestion is to talk to someone who is independant before you make any decisions. Either your GP or someone from a support service at Uni. Your partner is in shock at the moment. Give the news some time to absorb and talk again.
You have a bit of time before you have to make any decisions. Take as long as you need to. The decision will say with you for the rest of your life, regardless what it is.
If you do keep the baby, it will be hard but very rewarding. My son is one of the most joyous aspects in my life (except for the poopy nappies of course!) and I wouldn't change him for the world.
if you do not keep the baby, it needs to be the right decision for you as you will have to live with the decision for a very long time. There are numerous options here as I am sure you know.
I am sure you will be a wonderful mother if that is what you choose, regardless of when that happens, either next year or in a few years time.
Good luck. BellyBelly is a great support and there are many ladies who have been in your position.
Oh hun .
Just to mirror your situation a little more - so did my DP and now he is the proudest Daddy in the world.
What is important is that you do what you want - not because it is solely your decision - but it is your body. Noone else can tell you what to do when it comes to your body.
I know it may eb hard - but talk to your mum. Sometimes, no matter how scared we are - they can be the greatest source of support. My mum let me talk about my fears of having an abortion and understood my hesitance in having a baby. A GP is a good idea, but your mum may be good to talk to as well.
Personally I couldn't have had a termination and if he left me I was going to be a single Mum. And I would have been a proud, empowered and strong single mum. Albeit life would have been a little harder - but it is doable. Especially with the support you will gain from BB.
If you want this baby / don't have the strength to have an abortion (that was more my case) these are some of the things you need to convince yourself to make it easier on you. Makes it easier when telling him too. You will be able to do it.
When considering what you would rather (as the impression Im getting is that he would leave should you choose not to abort - though I may be wrong) remember that if you have a termination to please him - it may tear you apart anyway.
I think you are showing great strength to come and here and talk about it already. Please let us know how things go.
Thinking of you.
x.
Last edited by The[cookie]Doctor; July 1st, 2008 at 08:35 PM.
How do YOU feel about having a baby???? I know in an ideal world having your partners support would be fantastic, but sometimes what we want and what they want are two very different things Most of the the time anyway.
It's hard sometimes for the guy to see the beauty of the situation and sometimes even for the woman.
Some guys still dont understand it until they hold there little creation.
This is truly the biggest choice you'll make in your life. So take your time and weigh up the pro's and con's.
Please just remember that even if it's not what he wants, that if it IS what your heart wants thats what matters. This is the time in your life where you have alot of soul searching to do, dont be scared of it. I mean of course you have to take his needs into consideration but in this matter, its your baby, this baby has popped into your life for a reason. If you really have to end up doing it alone, yes its a scary thought but not a bad thing.
This is a situation I was never in but before I told my DP I thought I may have ended up in this situation so I made a packed with myself and my unborn baby that no matter what, this is the hand I was dealt and I was going to take it in my stride.
But also give him time, try your harest to show him the good that will come of it. If you are finding it hard to see the good, this forum has lots of stories that will prove it. Also he needs to know and believe that his life wont END because he is a daddy. This is a big fear for boys to rise above.
I was 18yrs and come from a traditional Europian family So you can just imagine. But Annabelle changed my life for the better and opened my eyes to what life was really about.
Im not trying to tell you how to make your chioce but I am telling you to look at it with differnt eyes for a moment. Excited eyes, excited at the gift you have been given.
Im also saying all this as when I fell pregnant.........I just thought, "ok so im having a baby."
I never realised what happens when you have a baby, all the good I mean.
I was always told how hard it was, finances, birth etc etc. But what know one ever told me was that it was all worth it
Again please in the end do whats right for YOU.
Im just trying to get you out of the scared eyes and put you into the happy eyes
Good luck and please keep us updated!
Many of us from this forum have met and I for one am willing to travel, Im only an hr or so away. So making friends and support group is the easy part
Last edited by Kazmar; July 2nd, 2008 at 11:38 AM.
Hi Kobeh, I hope your doing ok. You do have access here to so much support and information here on BB.
I just wanted to say though that Ashleajayne is so right. Its your body and your choice. When I was younger my BF decided to abort cos its what her partner wanted, not what she wanted, she ended up resenting him for it and they split up.
Be sure of what YOU want. Not just what everyone else wants.
I know exactly how you feel - i first fell pregnant when i was 18. My partner at the time told me he wanted and abortion, no exceptions. I didnt know what i wanted. I was so scared and confused. The night before my booking i told him i didnt want to go through with it - he told me "if you F$#k my life up now i will kill you!". This was also 1 week before we were due to settle on our first house.
Needless to say i was a mess. I had the abortion. I couldnt tell anyone, had no support, had no one to talk to. I wanted to leave him but i just couldnt - i really was screwed up, i wish i could have turned to my mum.
Only a few months later i fell pregnant again. I was so so so scared. By now i was 19. I didnt say anything - i was 6 weeks late before i told him. I just couldnt bear going through another abortion.
Truth is i should have left him after the first one, i was just too weak. I stood my ground and had the baby. But if i hadnt put up with the hell i had to go through being with him i wouldnt have my gorgeous little girl. I cant see that there would be a reason to life without her.
And i could have done it on my own - if only i had the balls to do it all those years ago. Took me another 2.5 years to pack my bags.
I guess what i am trying to say is dont let anyone back you into a corner. Each option you have before you has its ups and downs, its pros and cons. But they are just thoughts and opinions - the thoughts and opinions that truly matter are the ones coming from deep down inside of you.
So listen to your heart and there you will find your answers - dont listen to anyone else, because it is you and you alone who will hve to live with either decision forever xoxoxoxxoxxo
We have decided to wait a bit to let the shock subside. Today was so horrible, I went through the hope that maybe he would have thought about it and changed his mind. How silly was I.
He said he is freaked out. Im trying to explain to him that I am scared/freaked out also. But at least we are going to try and "forget" about it for a few days and he will change.
Again, thankyou so much everyone for your support. I really appreciate it *love n hugs*
Hi,
I hope you are okay, it is a scary place to be when you are so young, I was 19 when I found out I was pregnant with my son, I was okay with the idea until I got confirmation, then WOW did I freak.
I thought my parents would hit the roof (we were living together) but they were great, talk to your family.
Take a while for a bit of a breather, you will come to the right decision for you, you cant make it for your partner, although I truly hope he supports you in what ever you do, but in the end it is your body and you need to decide, there is no right or wrong answer, just what you are able to cope with at this time of your life.
I went on to finish a certificate in aged care (1st was a baby), then my enrolled nursing at TAFE when my second was 9 months old, back at TAFE now doing drug administration a six month course, and planning to start Bachelor of Midwifery next year.
I am not trying to convince you that it will be all roses and tulips, but if it is really what your passion is you can find a way.
Your reaction and even your boyfriends reaction right now is really very normal...
Registered User
some excellent advice there.
. I found out I was pregnant last August after I'd been here in Oz (Im from texas) for two months. I finished uni and I was getting married but it was just awful. DH and I had spent so much time apart wanting to be together and the second we were we got pregnant. My MIL suggested a termination and I was hurt beyond measure. I had my wee girl in April; it's been really rough at times but now she's the light of my life. I love her so much, I couldn't imagine being without her. Keep talking about it, talking helps and don't rush into anything.
Most of the the time anyway.
he will change.
*love n hugs*
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks