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Thread: DH doesn't appreciate how cr*p I feel...

  1. #1

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    Angry DH doesn't appreciate how cr*p I feel...

    I am nearly 11 weeks pg and I have been suffering from m/s since about week 6. I have only thrown up a couple of times but usually the m/s lasts all day long and the most I can do is lay on the lounge and do nothing.

    But the thing is, DH doesn't seem to apprecaite (or want to appreciate) how awful I feel! All he comments on is that I haven't put things away etc. I know that the house isn't a tidy as it usually is but I just can't summon the energy to clean it, or put things away and it's really starting to put a strain on things. We constantly fight (mostly him *****ing that I haven't put something away) and I am just over it.

    We are supposed to to have his grandparents over tomorrow and the house is still a mess from Christmas. I'm seriously considering telling him to cancel as I just don't think I can do it .

    He even made the comment that I "gave the lounge a good workout" yesterday which you can tell I wasn't too impressed about!!!

    I have tried everything to get him to at least give me some slack but it's not working . Please help - what can I do?



    PS sorry for the long rant

  2. #2

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    Just noticed that my ticker is wrong - I should be 11 weeks tomorrow. *sigh* another thing to fix

  3. #3

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    hmmm i don't want to sound negative but guys just don't understand, and cannot understand, what we go through, and it only gets worst once the baby arrives and pure exhaustion sets in.... they just do not 'get it'.... i don't think they are wired or programmed to get it.... i don't have any tips sorry... i can remember when our dd was 5 weeks old and i was recovering from the csection my DP and i having a fight that i didnt have everything into a routine yet.... i can remember him saying 'all you have to do is feed her, change her, and put her to bed - simple!'.... i was mortified that he thought things were that easy..... now 9 months later he 'gets it' a whole lot more, but i could have killed him during those first few weeks when he just could not comprehend how exhausted i was, he thought him going to work was harder.

    oooops sorry, a bit off topic, just wanted to say don't be surprised if he never gets it, they are from a different planet sometimes ;-)

  4. #4

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    PinkLily - I'm having my third and I must say with each pregnancy DH has realised a little bit more each time how pathetically awful I feel. Such that with this pregnancy I think he finally gets it. I think it can be a typically male thing cause they can't see it they don't get it. I shouldn't just say male thing either cause I have had friends who don't suffer m/s who also struggle with the concept and think its just a woosy thing. I hope the 12 week mark sees an end to your m/s if not sooner and you can get back to feeling more like yourself. Hugs in the meantime

  5. #5

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    Hi PinkLilly...I was fortunate enough NOT to suffer from morning sickness but there are plenty of others here who have and BADLY. Perhaps after a few more posts have been made to this thread, get your DH to read it.

    If it was him throwing up and feeling nauseous constantly, it would be a different story and I'm sure he (like so many other men) would be acting as if their condition was terminal. I think he needs to be a little more compassionate and take some interest in this by educating himself a little more to understand it's not just something you "put on" and it can affect you so much that all you can do is try to rest.

    Hope you feel better soon. Take care.

  6. #6

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    oh to you!!

    men never and will never understand what we go thru during our pregnancies!!
    but its amazing when they are sick its like the whole world is ending and they have the right to mooch around feeling sorry for themselves!! but when it comes to us ladies its a different story and they see it so differently!!

    next time he is sick give him what he gives you!!! then tell him see now you know what its like to vomit so many times a day!!!

    good luck and wishing you a better next few months of the preg!!

  7. #7

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    I didn't really vomit much either during my pregnancy with DD, but I was soooo sick 24/7 for 9 months. He couldn't understand just how bad I felt and how little energy I had to do anything. We moved house when I was 6 months pregnant and my DH commented after the moving weekend that he was just so exhausted. I told him how he was feeling after a really strenuous weekend was how I felt each day when I got out of bed, let alone by the end of the day.

    I think he finally started to understand how bad I was feeling by the end of that pregnancy, but he's forgotten again with this one!

    Like the others have said, men just can't possibly understand how tiring pregnancy is - whether you're sick or not. I think its something you just have to try to explain to him. Having a go at you for the house not being spick and span is not on - there's no way you can have a perfect home (and keep your sanity) when you have a baby so he'd better get used to it.

  8. #8

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    I think it's a horrible, cruel joke nature plays that makes us feel the worst when no one can actually SEE that we're pregnant....so we don't get much sympathy

    I know my DH was the same, especially with our first one. They can't see you're pregnant and they just don't get how something the size of your thumbnail could possibly be making you feel so crappy (neither does anyone else....bosses, parents, friends...the list goes on unfortunately lol). And yeah he might as well get used to mess because it comes with the territory with kids

    Hang in there hopefully in the next few weeks this awful fog will lift and you'll feel heaps better - it's such a blessing when it finally happens!

  9. #9

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    I had awful ms for 20 weeks with my DS. Vomiting, nausea, lethargy, the works. And yes, I gave the couch a good work out for that entire time! My DH was nice about it, but TBH, I don't think anyone really understands unless they've actually been through it.

    My DH was much better about things once he could actually SEE that I was pg. After I'd had scans, but particularly when I started showing (which fortunately was fairly early for me!). Once I looked pg, and everyone started commenting on it, it seemed more real to him.

    I don't really know what you can do apart from trying to explain it to him, and that you're not the only one who suffers like this. Myabe explain that it won't last forever? Mind you, sometimes I think pg is nature's way of preparing us for what it's like when you have a baby! You might not feel sick anymore, but you have no time to clean up LOL!

    Good luck hun, I really hope your ms lifts soon

  10. #10

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    Yep, I had m/s without a lot of vomiting, so mostly it was me sitting on the couch unable to get up and do anything coz I just felt so off all day. No food was prepared and no housework was done. DH soon learnt how to put his undies and socks in the washer & then the dryer LOL. He didn't teach himself to iron tho, so he wore wrinkly clothes to work!!

    Does your DH get car sick or sea sick? I felt like I was constantly car sick with my m/s, so perhaps he can relate to that?

    Failing that, if he's a 'normal' male, he probably lays about moaning all day if he has a slight head cold.. so perhaps just save it up and give it right back to him when he's feeling miserable.

    Hope you feel better soon. Mine usually eased up between wks 12-14. So hopefully not much longer for you.

  11. #11

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    Well seems like most of us have partners very similar... All i get from mine is "i work 7 days a week and you work 2 all i ask is for the house to be tidy" i was walking round one day with a bucket throwing up just to get the house clean for him when i decided enough was enough, my DP thinks that just cos i'm at home 5 days (looking after our 3/yo son) i dont do anything... he doesnt realise that looking after a child is work.. its tiring and hard work... especially a child on the go like ours...After weeks of MS and me talking to a brick wall about how and what i was feeling and going through.... I wasnt going to do it anymore... enough was enough

    TMI alert but true story.......

    I turned his alarm off one morning rang his work to tell them he wouldnt be in and when i woke up at 8am to me throwing up in the loo he startd freaking out i'm late etc... I told him what i had done so he could see how bad i was in the mornings... It was a great day of MS too, every sip of water, every bit of food came up, the smell in the house was enough to make anyone sick (purposley left the windows closed to exagerate the smell more) every time i threw up i made it sound louder and wasnt as low down as i usually would be so it splashes and made it sound absolutley discusting...I was trying to clean up all day even didnt quite make it in time to the loo just so make him feel really bad....Especially when our 3 y/o was "u ok mummy, Jordy help"..... in the end he was like babe sit i'll do it..... Babe want a drink of water, etc

    Ever since then he's gotten off my back... When i had a good day i'd utilise it and clean up for him (and myself hate a messy house) but if i was having a bad day i wouldnt mind just resting... ALso hard with a 3 y/o as well....

    Hope your Dp gets off your back if not try my tip... It works..... its grosse but it got results....
    Last edited by Je$$_84; December 29th, 2007 at 02:40 PM.

  12. #12

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    Oh hugs to you!

    I too had some pretty horrid morning sickness and I just felt awful all day every day. Pretty much any food smell would make me want to hurl. I remember one day DH came home from work after I had got home from work and he goes and sits down on the couch and asks me "what's for dinner?" Meanwhile I have just spent the last half hour throwing my guts up in the bathroom! I was not impressed. I was so much more tired in first trimester than in third trimester!

    BUT my m/s probably eased up around 13-14 weeks, so hopefully yours will not last for much longer.

    I think some guys just dont get it. They cant unless they get to go through it s well. One of my particularly sick days I ended up staying home from work after I almost threw up in DH's car. Maybe just sit him down and exlplain that its not as easy as it looks and that you just need him to help you. Maybe theres a nice book out there written especially for dad-to-be that might help you get your point across.

  13. #13

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    Thanks for all of your responses. I helped knowing that I wasn't the only one going through this.

    My DH ended up having a HUGE fight where I basically told him to either leave the house or I was, and he ended up storming out - which was a blessing in disguise.

    I jumped on the computer and started to write him a letter. Not the "I hate you and never want to see you again" type, but a letter saying everything I wanted to say to him, withot me yelling and without him interrupting me (which is a bad habit with us both )

    He ended up coming back before I had finished. Surfice to say I was having a cry at the computer. He came up to me, told me to look at him and then he apoligised. He said he knows that he should be more supportive and understanding and he doesn't know why he has been such a pri*k. I ended up sobbing in his arms for 1/2 hour.

    It was nice, lovely and very sweet of him the way he said it. Reminds me why I married him

  14. #14

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    Awwww thats wonderful! Marc didn't understand at first but got better towards the start of second trimester. With Seth he was even better! Sometimes they just need a reality check

  15. #15

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    It certainly sounds like a rough trot hay, I hope things get better for you in the near future with as little stress as possible...

    I do think its normal for a male not to understand what we are all going through...
    Chin up,
    Keep us posted if he does try and be more sensitive and helpful....

  16. #16

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    I am sorry tp hear your Hubby is being a meanie. My DH is wonderful, the most caring loving man and has even said if we could swap place he would. Although given I am a mean cranky biatch atm the sickness has turned me into a monster but good old faithful dear hubby is always there for me. I know how **** some guys can be I was with a real mean one for 4 1/2 years. Thank goodness I never had kids with him cause I would have been doing it all myself.

    Goodluck with hubby coming around and making your life a bit easier.

  17. #17

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    Hmmm sounds like my DH!!! Some guys just dont get it, my FIL couldnt get why I was so sick and tired with DD either even though he had to watch MIL go through it 4 times. Glad your DH said sorry, hopefully he will be much better about it all from now on :hugs:

  18. #18
    bronnii76 Guest

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    I agree men just don't understand. I had m/s from 8 weeks with my first and it was with me from the time i woke up to the time i went to sleep nothing helped. with my second it came at 6 weeks but i was able to keep it at bay if i ate every 3 hours. If it was up to a man to give birth it wouldn't happen look how sad they are when they are sick. I hope it settles soon. If the house work is a problem tell him to do it.Lol. Have you tried chewing pepermint chewing gum I found it helped enough to cope for awhile. All the best. Bronnii

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