hun... it's hard. I was the same as you, I completely beat myself up about smoking which actually made it so much harder!! Firstly, good on you for having strength to admit to people here that you smoke... I wasn't strong enough to do that!! I stopped the day before he was born (cos I went into labour overnight) and haven't had one since. He was perfect and healthy and I looked at him and he gave me the strength. I promised him that I would do everything in my power to never smoke again. I didn't promise I wouldn't but rather everything possible not to. I know it's hard not to give yourself a hard time, but try not to. I used to end up crying as I lit a smoke cos I was scared but couldn't stop either. Feel free to email me if you want to talk more... achoffmann at bigpond . com. Oh and having said that... I haven't had one since he was born, but there have been days where I've really wanted it but haven't cos I think how he might think I smell.