DADS... opinions please? Cutting of cord. Am I being unreasonable?

[*Efjay*]

I just ask DH his thoughts & he said while he can understand your DH's feelings of it being his thing, he wouldn't be offended if I said I wanted to cut the cord.

He also thought it was amazing yoru DH could sit there reading a book while you were in labour & that it sounds like you really should get to have your Mum there if thats what you want.

[squidipa]

wow thats a hardie you both have very good valid reasons can you BOTH CUT CORD together 1 2 3 then cut yes no? share the xperiance maybe thoughts?

[Janie]

TBH, I was thinking that you were being a bit unfair at first. As Liz said, there's not alot dad's can do to be directly invovled with their baby. I understand you wanting to do it, but I can see his side too. I'm sure my DH would be really disappointed if he couldn't cut the cord.

BUT....then I saw that he read a Harry Potter book during your last labour and thought "pffft"!!!!! I think he needs to show that he can be a wonderful support to you during labour before you decide that he can be the one to cut the cord. HIS moment? He needs to participate if he really feels this way, not just jump up when the baby is crowing.

So as the others said, maybe compromise........he can cut the cord if you can have your mum there. Or, have both your hands cutting?

[*Efjay*]

another thought, let him read the replies about how we all feel about him readin g during your labour!

[Trillian]

I think it is more selfish that he wants to be the first one to hold the baby and deny you immediate skin to skin contact and have your babe at your breast - those first moments are integral to the breastfeeding relationship.

[Janie]

Oh gosh, I completely missed that bit! Wherever possible, mum should be the first to hold bub, I couldn't agree more Trillian.

[Lukesmum]

Yes the mother should definately have first contact with the baby.

[~clover~]

With all 3 of our kids DH cut the cord. I wanted him to be involved & feel like he did help in some way. He was pretty useless during labour, but he tried.
I had my mum & MIL there for my 1st & wished my mum could've been there for my other 2, but she couldn't. Having someone who WILL support you is something you need. I couldn't have gotten through it if there was noone there. I mean my DH slept for a few hours for the first - it was an 18 hour labour, & I still wasn't happy!
All my babies were passed straight to me & had a bf before going to DH. I think I'd feel pretty peed off if I went through all that hard work for my baby to be handed to someone else. Even if it was my DH.
Maybe you could cut the cord together as some of the others suggested.

[squidipa]

hello this is a dad speaking squidipas other half

i feel that you should cut the cord this time as he has his turn with the 1st child i mean it is you body afterall and you are the one that has carried this baby around and had to put up with all the stuff for the last 9 months or so.
As for not helping around the house i totally understand that hubbies do get sick of running around after their wives all the time with can you do this and you get me that can you pick this up but come on got to think of your wife and all that she is going through i mean it took two to tango so hubbies i feel dont have the right to be slack and say or think right your preggger it is your problem now.
it does makes me mad when i hear the hubbies are not pulling their weight and helping out when they know they should be.

so as i said i feel that it is your turn to cut the babies cord or at the very least both of you cut it together you have every right to want to cut it and IMO i think you should cut the cord. well that is my ten cents worth.

[LuluHB]

Another non-dad but . . . I actually think your DH should cut the cord if he wants to. Yes, the cord is the physical connection between me and my babies, but I saw my DH cutting it as a symbolic joining of him into the relationship I had previously exclusively had with my daughters if that makes sense.

TBH I never thought about cutting the cord myself - I was upset when DH initially said with DD#1 that he didn't want to do it. When the time came my OB just assumed he was doing it so DH clamped and cut both our girls' cords. He really enjoyed doing it and I loved his involvement.

Having said all that, if my DH had behaved the way yours did during either of my labours I would have chucked him out - of the delivery room at least and quite possibly my marriage. That is absolutely unacceptable as far as I'm concerned. Given his past performance you definitely deserve to overrule his wishes in preference of your own (and not be selfish in doing so) and have your mum there for support. I would also put your DH on notice that unless you get proper support from him during the birth this time he's out and you will cut the cord yourself.

[~breeze~]

hello this is a dad speaking squidipas other half

i feel that you should cut the cord this time as he has his turn with the 1st child i mean it is you body afterall and you are the one that has carried this baby around and had to put up with all the stuff for the last 9 months or so.
As for not helping around the house i totally understand that hubbies do get sick of running around after their wives all the time with can you do this and you get me that can you pick this up but come on got to think of your wife and all that she is going through i mean it took two to tango so hubbies i feel dont have the right to be slack and say or think right your preggger it is your problem now.
it does makes me mad when i hear the hubbies are not pulling their weight and helping out when they know they should be.

so as i said i feel that it is your turn to cut the babies cord or at the very least both of you cut it together you have every right to want to cut it and IMO i think you should cut the cord. well that is my ten cents worth.

Thanks so much for a mans point of view (especially since its what I was hoping to hear LOL )

I agree with the "it takes two to tango" & I do remind him that DD is OUR child not just mine etc, I just think he likes taking the easy way out & I know this is my fault too for letting him do it.

Just so everyone knows I have told him many times about him being no supprt last time & he says he'll try more this time but I'm scared that he just wont once we get there, it will be "too hard" & I'll be stuck with no support again. My mum cant come now, she's in Townsville & works full time so no way she can get here now.

Thanks again for your replys

[Jas]

Hi,

Well I have to say I can see both sides of the argument.

As far as the labour goes, well I'm going to be very generous in this situation and say that maybe your DH just doesn't know what to do. I think you really need to get an indepth birth plan going (you would include in here who u want to cut the cord) and include all the options of pain relief etc you want to include. I would also go through all these methods and get DH to practice with you.

Practice the different positions u think you might or could like to use and that way he will know them and iu won't have to feel like you are trying to choreograph a musical when u want him to help u in a particular position. Practice massage and the gentle talking or relaxation techniques. Get him involved in the music and oils u will use, if you are going to use some. There are some good articles on here to prepare ppl to be good birth support ppl. Make sure your know what u want and that it's written down and DH knows it off by heart.

I would really think about what you want out of a birth support person, what u DO NOT want out of a birth support person. Explain this to DH, yes it is a very important event for DH but it is you that has to go through it so let him know that this is what u want and get him to be involved and take steps to show he will be that and if he is not willing well then explain to him u will have someone there who will be what you need.

Also maybe look at a doula. It might help to have someone there who can help show DH what to do and get him more involved so he has a good experience but to make sure u r taken care of. Also maybe he would be more comfy with this seeing as it is just another professional such as a midwife there.

As far as the cutting of the cord, would u consider doing it together? Or is there something you could compromise with? Like u cut the cord DH does the first bath? Or u could ask if DH could catch the baby? I have been at hospitals where they r comepletely fine with this.

Goodluck!

[Naomi08]

You can all cyber scream at me for being so blunt....

But Danielle - WHY are you with this man (boy)?

You are not just commenting about his desire to cut the cord - but you are basically telling us that he is not doing anything at home, leaving you to look after your first child, alienating your family from something that you want them present for, and you are already convinced that he will not help with this new baby.

I think that the cutting of the cord should be the least of your worries. I would be getting him online so that he can have a read about how his wife REALLY feels. Your overall frustration at him will not end with the pregnancy, so get the issues resolved before the baby arrives. And I would be spelling it out in a birth plan that you wish to cut the cord - and make sure that the midwife is aware of this. If after the birth you change your mind, then sobeit. But you are the one in control of the situation.