Does knowing gender help you bond??

[Smoke Jaguar]

I didn't want to find out about either of mine and I don't think I could have felt any more bonded with my kids if I tried My kids get born into a gender-neutral kind of early childhood, anyway, so it makes no difference till they decide it does when they're more cognizant of the social differences. For DS it started last year. For DD, it hasn't hit yet, she just directs herself to what she wants to do with the available, non-directional toys here.
So, even if I'd found out, it wouldn't have helped me decide which activities they would do or what activities would help us bond. My kids are condemned to learning to swim and ride horses, no exceptions

[Tegam]

If it helps I didn't really bond with my third or forth bub. I just think life gets to hectic. As soon as that baby is on your chest all becomes right in the world!

[*EJ*]

In my experience Yes i felt i bonded more knowing 'who' my little ones were. We found out but didn't tell friends and family so it was a surprise for everyone else still.

With DS1 he was a surprise and while i have no feelings of not being able to bond with him i definately felt i bonded more knowing who DS2 & DD were. I really loved it.

At thier births knowing or not knowing didn't really come into it i was still in awe of my babies finally being in my arms.

Don't put too much pressure on yourself as being a mum of 2 and being pregnant is full on. You are loving and caring for your little one without even thinking about it (for the most part ) right now.

All the best for tomorrow and making a decision

[lee09]

We found out the gender for DS - my intuition told me we were having a boy, and I wasn't surprised at all. I could never have left it till the birth to find out - too impatient! And I had always imagined having daughters (I come from a family of all girls), so it was good in the sense I could start imagining my future in a different way and get really excited about having a son. It did help me connect to DS, but really bonding with him took a while, even after he was born, like I couldn't relate to him as the person in my tummy for nine months, if that makes any sense? But I'm glad I found out and will find out with future pregnancies too.

[Spikey]

I have 4 and I fount out with 2 and had a surpise with 2..... I would def find out the gender again it really helped me to bond

[AJC]

For me personally, knowing gender with this bub hasnt helped me bond with her, mainly because I worry a little that she is a 'he' and it will shock me at birth (wouldnt be disappointed with another boy but would just be weird calling bub her or by name and then finding out bub is a boy. Plus we havent told our family or friends gender so I dont call this bub she or her name because I dont want to slip up in front of someone and give the surprise away (especially now we're so close). And lastly as someone else has said with DS keeping me so busy I dont have much time for all the belly rubs and belly chats. Saying that I dont regret finding out gender because I wanted to find out for practcal reasons (nursery decoration etc).

[Butterfly Dawn]

Knowing the gender helped us to choose names which in turn helped us to bond with the baby

[beansbeans!]

Thanks ladies for all your replies.

this morning we went for our 3d scan, and well we found out what we're having but have decided not to tell anyone else. I was surprised at my reaction, I was so sure it was the opposite to we're having, and I can tell from my reaction that I have a heap of expectations as to how important gender was. And thats even though I dont really mind what gender sprout is (I think it was added pressure from everyone around me, as to what they want us to have).
Funny thing though, Im still convinced that the sonographer got it wrong Maybe I can never be pleased?

But the 3d scan was awesome, it was amazing seeing what goes on inside of me And I can say sprout is just as cute as the big sisters!! (not biased at all either :P )

[Jennifer13]

It did for us, both times. Particularly this time, because we swayed for a boy, so knowing that didn't work has helped us get over the initial disappointment quickly and get used to the idea of welcoming another daughter.

For us, it makes it seem a lot more 'real', like the little person we are welcoming soon has some parts of an identity of her own. We've almost finished choosing a name, we've spent time getting things ready for her that aren't gender neutral and we talk a lot to DD about how great it's going to be to have a little sister (and to be a big sister). It's been really good for DP as well, because he has a hard time feeling much connecting during pg.

[Kazzo]

That is great news. You sound (as much as you can in a typed form) a lot more relaxed now. I was out your way today and was thinking about how you were going the whole time.

[megs]

Congratulations on having your 3d scan and seeing your little one.

I had a surprise with my first 2 and found out with my last 2. I mainly found out for my last 2 as I needed to know what I was having just given the pressures on myself from everyone (me included) to be having a girl. I honestly can say it didn't change how I bonded with my babies, I didn't bond more or less (we chose not to tell anyone that we know which helps) so whilst we have a name etc it is never said verbally except between DH and I when the kids are in bed. And yes the surprise of finding out at birth is one that you can never beat, seeing what your baby looks like even though you know the gender is special too.

I look forward to reading your birth annoucement and finding out what you little Sprout is.

[Rowellen]

For me - yes. Both times.

[Tegam]

Thanks ladies for all your replies.

this morning we went for our 3d scan, and well we found out what we're having but have decided not to tell anyone else. I was surprised at my reaction, I was so sure it was the opposite to we're having, and I can tell from my reaction that I have a heap of expectations as to how important gender was. And thats even though I dont really mind what gender sprout is (I think it was added pressure from everyone around me, as to what they want us to have).
Funny thing though, Im still convinced that the sonographer got it wrong Maybe I can never be pleased?

But the 3d scan was awesome, it was amazing seeing what goes on inside of me And I can say sprout is just as cute as the big sisters!! (not biased at all either :P )

congratulations for whatever sprout is

[beansbeans!]

That is great news. You sound (as much as you can in a typed form) a lot more relaxed now. I was out your way today and was thinking about how you were going the whole time.

Thanks Kazzo, I am more relaxed at the moment. The u/sound was an instant bonding session in itself. Seeing a more realistic picture helped a lot, seeing expressions and mannerisms. It was definately worth the money We should meet for coffee one day!

Thanks Megs, we'll be doing the same and not telling anyone. It nice to have a secret between DH and I. We arent telling the girls either because of how fas tthe gossip will spread to everyone!

Thanks tegam

[Jennifer13]

Glad to hear it all went well. I wouldn't tell everyone that you know. Surely they'll assume you didn't?

[Freya]

I found out for personal reasons with Ds2 and Ds3. Ds1 we were undecided and he just kind of flashed us so we knew.

We toss up not finding out with the next one. On one hand I think it would be a nice surprise and it might soften the blow if its another boy because the anticipation of finally knowing would be amazing. On the other hand, I think 40wks of hope for a girl and then getting a boy at the end might make things worse. We'll just see how we go.

FWIW I dont think it would change my bond at the end, knowing or not knowing. Having fully expected to not bond very well with Ds3 because he was a boy and then realising it didnt matter (we have the closest bond of all!) I dont expect either scenario to change that.

[*Danni*]

Hey hun... So glad things are feeling that bit better for you now I absolutely LOVED my 3D ultrasounds with my DS as I agree, they are so bonding and fun! Nothing beats seeing your baby moving around inside you! I was able to record it and have the DVD and pics as a keepsake which I treasure. It all becomes a memory too quickly. I did also find out the gender (we were lucky enough to find out at 13 weeks!!!) and DH & I kept it between ourselves which we absolutely loved - having something so intimate a secret between us. I would not do it any other way (however on BB I announced it etc). To me, finding out the gender definitely impacted on my bond with my baby. I got the boy I so very much wanted and it really made it so special and intimate knowing in my experience and I would definitely do it the same way next time. I just could not imagine not knowing whether it was my boy/girl inside me!

Good luck with it all


Sent from my iPhone more than likely while I should be doing something else!

[Beautiful Disaster]

It helped me cause I had a bit of gender disappointment to begin with. I wouldn't have it any other way now