I'm giggling at the idea of you guys eloping and not telling anyone, and then say in a years time when someone asks you, you can say 'we're already married'. Or, have a 'one year anniversary' party. :P
Forgot to say that all ours got DH's name. I'd never be cruel enough to hand over my surname!! It's Irish & looooong!!
DH said a few times that we should just run away & elope! Less stress!
My uncle's 1 year anniversary was within days of my wedding. I went up to him saying I beat you to find out they were married!!
They took the kids to Sea World & got married while there. Their DD was 11 & DS was 9. It was just the 4 of them & noone else knew til after.
I wish someone had told me at SOME stage though!!!
Df and I aren't married, been looong engagement, lol. We already have DD and #2 on the way, we have a mortgage so to me its already like we are married just unofficially, we've never felt the need to do it.
We decided one day when we can afford Las Vegas we'll go there and elope, so now when we get asked we tell everyone "oh prolly in 20 years time" and we get funny looks then. Hopefully we can afford before then.
With names the kids get his surname, Df felt really strongly about that one, does get bit tricky at times when making appts and things cause you have to point out that its different surname to myself and all that.
Hey I am another long term engagee here DP and I have been together 10 years in November and engaged prob'ly the last 4??? It's been so long it's hard to keep track. Initially we had heaps of questions from family and friends about 'when' and 'have we set a date?' and all of that. As time has gone on, it is only the diehard friends that we don't see very often that continue to raise the issue of setting a date. It just hasn't been a huge priority - it will definitely happen one day though. We do have plans but they will probably not be realised for a couple of years yet! I agree with Shell, DP and I have two mortgages now and a bub on the way. It's not that different to marriage and feels like a lifelong commitment to me.
Thankfully with no. 1 on the way, no one has started that stuff up again for us (although we have only really told immediate family and a couple of v. close friends so far). I would say that if family or friends persist in asking about a future wedding and they want details or start telling you their ideas (like the Fiji thing) then it says more about them/their needs or wants, than it does about you (that's what I found anyway). True friends will accept your relationship status and the priorities you have after minimal discussion.
I had my family on my back about getting married the first time I got PG, the when we M/C it stopped. We got engaged Sept last year then fell PG in Oct/Nov and it started again and is still going. We had no intention of getting married before our first child because we want our first in the wedding. As far as future children go, DF is adamant on 2 but I want 3 so we are not sure when we will get married (before or after). Whenever we get around to it I guess
DF has also said on numerous time you organise it & Ill be there lol But we we aiming for 2010 ish
Don't worry about it... if you get married first, people just hassle you about "And when are you going to have kids?"
I do think that marriage is more than just a piece of paper. It's a declaration to the public that you are committed to be with your partner forever. But if it's not for you, then it's not for you. Make the decision, and live it proudly and confidently.
But if you do want to go for it, I think you could do it at any stage. There are great celebrants out there who will build a beautiful ceremony to incorporate your child/ren/bump!
been in your situation too, we just said we dont want to get married JUST cause we are having a baby. we got married 2 months after she was born.. .. the pressure was to much and i regret getting married after 7 years we got divorced. Dont get married till your ready and after ppl stop saying it to you. Subconsciously it was still in my mind and married when i shouldnt have!!
Hi Alibaby - haha - when i told my mum that i was pregnant that was the first thing she said 'are you getting married'. I actually didn't expect it - espec in today's day and age.
I've been married before (10 most awful months of my life - long story).... my partner however has not and is keen to get married. However i'm not going to while i feel like i'm being pressured to do so, from partner or family. it has to be a joint decision when the two people are willing and able to do so.
I do think my partner and i will eventually get married, but that is not priority 1. Massive outlay of money for one day and a piece of paper seems wasteful to me. And i agree - do it after you have bubs so you can at least have a champers on the day
I would sit your family/ friends down and sincerly and firmly tell them of you and your partners plans - and that the way it's going to be regardless of their thoughts and beliefs. As long as you're both happy things being that way they should be too. It's your lives not theirs.
I fell pregnant with my first child at the silly age of just 19, my mother refused to talk to me unless I got married, so there I was 19, 5 months pregnant walking down the isle, all to please my mother....we divorced 5 years later! Second marriage...same thing I fell pregnant and thought i would do the right thing but this time i was 27...4 months pregnant and walking down the isle....now going through my second divorce!
Now Im with my boyfriend and yes pregnant but there is no way in hell Im getting married!!
You do what you think is right, dont get married just because your getting pressured cause it may turn out bad like mine did. Why do you need a piece of paper to prove your love for someone? We dont live in the 50s anymore where it was a sin to have children before marriage. As long as your happy, who cares what anyone else thinks.
My DF and I have been together 6yrs (7 in april 09) sand have been engaged for just over a year now! We moved intoget 6mnths into our relationship and started renting 18mnths in! Both the boys have DFs surname as mine is way to long (having Macedonian grandarents doesn't help!) and I will change my name when we finally do get married!
If you as my DF when we are getting married he will tell you in 14yrs and if you ask me I'll tell you on the 27th of April 2013 which will be our 11th year together!
I have a friend who is getting a lot of pressure and her standard response is "Dad will only put up 6 goats for the dowry and DP is holding out for 10" It seems to shut people up (possibly because they are a little confused)
my advice is to take your time and do it when you are ready.
I had alot of pressure when i was pregnant with my DD, i got married while i was 5 months pregnant with her, the wedding was rushed and while it was a nice day it could have been better. This marriage ended in divorce when DD was 1 yr old. I have now remarried a wonderful man, we married after our DS was born, he was 10 months old at our wedding and our DD was our flowergirl, we then had a wonderful family moon . The day was even more special because we were commiting to each other as a family , we had no pressure and had a wonderful day. We now have our second DS.
As for surnames, it can be confusing. My DD has her fathers name and the rest of us have my Dhs surname, so we just hypeante her name, she loves having both surnames.
I'm giggling at the idea of you guys eloping and not telling anyone, and then say in a years time when someone asks you, you can say 'we're already married'. Or, have a 'one year anniversary' party. :P
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DP and I have been together 10 years in November and engaged prob'ly the last 4??? It's been so long it's hard to keep track. Initially we had heaps of questions from family and friends about 'when' and 'have we set a date?' and all of that. As time has gone on, it is only the diehard friends that we don't see very often that continue to raise the issue of setting a date. It just hasn't been a huge priority - it will definitely happen one day though. We do have plans but they will probably not be realised for a couple of years yet! I agree with Shell, DP and I have two mortgages now and a bub on the way. It's not that different to marriage and feels like a lifelong commitment to me. 
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