I get what you mean, PZ. I don't have my losses in my sig, I don't talk about them... I honestly don't mourn or grieve. They weren't babies to me, it was too early on.
As much as i can't imagine (and never want to know) the grief of losing a term baby that i could never take home, i just wanted to say, for me, i bonded with each of my babies from the moment i knew about them. i don't know if our journey to parenthood changed that aspect of things for me, but i certainly can't say i loved or bonded with DD more at 20 weeks than i did at 4. i can't say that the love i had for her throughout the pregnancy was any different to the love i had for each of our angels

i think everyone is going to feel different about things depending on the path they've walked, throughout their entire life. when you haven't felt the grief of losing a term baby, which i haven't, i think it would be fair to say the most painful thing you can experience is losing a child at any point - be it soon after finding out about a pregnancy, or 6 weeks later. the reality, for those that have had both early and late losses, is surely a situation where one pain doesn't compare to the other. i hope to never know a pain greater than what i have felt.

i also accept that, for many, an embryo or early fetus doesn't equal a baby, and they don't feel that degree of hurt at an early loss - i respect that - as i said - different journeys and different beliefs leave us feeling differently about things

reading this thread, my heart hurts that so many people have had to feel so much pain