How many times have you been pregnant? *Sensitive topic*

[briggsy's girl]

I get what you mean, PZ. I don't have my losses in my sig, I don't talk about them... I honestly don't mourn or grieve. They weren't babies to me, it was too early on.

As much as i can't imagine (and never want to know) the grief of losing a term baby that i could never take home, i just wanted to say, for me, i bonded with each of my babies from the moment i knew about them. i don't know if our journey to parenthood changed that aspect of things for me, but i certainly can't say i loved or bonded with DD more at 20 weeks than i did at 4. i can't say that the love i had for her throughout the pregnancy was any different to the love i had for each of our angels

i think everyone is going to feel different about things depending on the path they've walked, throughout their entire life. when you haven't felt the grief of losing a term baby, which i haven't, i think it would be fair to say the most painful thing you can experience is losing a child at any point - be it soon after finding out about a pregnancy, or 6 weeks later. the reality, for those that have had both early and late losses, is surely a situation where one pain doesn't compare to the other. i hope to never know a pain greater than what i have felt.

i also accept that, for many, an embryo or early fetus doesn't equal a baby, and they don't feel that degree of hurt at an early loss - i respect that - as i said - different journeys and different beliefs leave us feeling differently about things

reading this thread, my heart hurts that so many people have had to feel so much pain

[blessedatlast]

I agree losses are all different and all relative. For me, my miscarriage was early. I was devastated, utterly devastated. I wished I had never been pregnant in the first place because it was too much pain to handle.. Fast forward to the twins death and I think holy crap, that was nothing.. I have absolutely "gotten over" my miscarriage. Having said that, I still think of it and sometimes think about how old it would be etc but it's not painful to think about anymore. (I also still have the positive preg test somewhere)

The twins death is so different. Although on a pain scale I would rate the twins death as 1000000000000000 times more painful than the miscarriage, I am still glad I fell pregnant. For me those babies made me a mother. My M/C didn't. I can never imagine "getting over" the twins death. they will be part of my life forever..

I am also grateful to have never had a stillborn. Again my twins deaths were different. I feel so so grateful that I had the privilege of holding my babies alive and seeing their eyes open (If only for a second). It breaks my heart to try to imagine what it would be like to birth your dead baby, and never see them alive..

Then on this pregnancy now, although for me in a nutshell, the miscarriage I had doesn't mean much compared to the twins death, if I had lost this one it would have had a different pain because of my experiences.. Everyone's loss is different, and relative to their experience.

I am so proud of myself, because it's been hard sometimes, but I have allowed myself to have hope and believe. I have enjoyed this pregnancy on the whole, although it has been tinged with anxiety and sadness. Now I'm over that 24wk milestone I am believing more and more everyday that I could take this baby home.. I am also grateful that I had a milestone to get past and I have.. Once again, i could never imagine what it would be like to have had a full term stillbirth.. It still crosses my mind that I'm no where near home and hosed yet, but for me and my experiences in my mind my chances are pretty good.

I hope that all made sense!

ETA: BG I agree, I think when it takes you a while to conceive, maybe you bond quicker? I don't think I bonded with my pregnancies more during the later stages, but I still think losing the twins was much harder than a miscarriage..