Congratulations hun.
I was often asked this when I told people about my miscarriage. As it if mattered at that point, or as if I'd be less devastated if it hadn't been planned.
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Congratulations hun.
I was often asked this when I told people about my miscarriage. As it if mattered at that point, or as if I'd be less devastated if it hadn't been planned.
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I think it is a deeply personal question and I find it offensive. When pregnant with my second child, an aquaintance asked if the pregnancy was 'planned'. She was also pregnant, with what she said was an 'unplanned' pregnancy, so I figure that is why she asked me. Nevertheless, I was a little offended at the question. We had just had an early miscarriage and the pregnancy was very much planned and wanted.
Regardless, unplanned does not mean unwanted.
Congratulations on your pregnancy!
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Ive only had that once and with this pregnancy, from the director of DS's preschool! Of all places and people! I dont know her more than anyone else there so not like shes a family friend or anything, but yeh.. the weird things people say!
BellyBelly Member
Yep, I get it too. This time round No it wasn't planned but we didn't exactly try & prevent it either. I wanted more, DH didn't but wasn't ready to get the snip. things happen & we are both happy with our little surprise.
What bugs me more though is not one of my pregnancies has my own mother said "Congratulations" I am sure ALL 5 have been something like "Oh that's all you need" or something equally insulting.
I got asked that by everyone lol
My answer... No, Im a raging whorebag.
Shut them up for good
BellyBelly Life Subscriber
meh. I've asked if it's planned before. Why assume the question means more than it is? Unplanned doesn't equal unwanted.. it's just a question.
Having said that.. I'll probably be asked this too when we are pg with #3 cos we already have a boy & a girl. Sure it'll irritate me, but I wouldn't be offended and see it as people prying into my sex life!
Oh and btw... my asking the 'planned' question isn't an initial reaction to the pg announcement.. it usually comes up later on or something. I usually jump up and down with congratulations as an announcement reaction
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I have to say I agree with this, is just a question and peanutter puts it I think is a result of "people worrying that they're being insensitive or drawing incorrect conclusions by assuming that all pregnancies are wanted and planned ..."
meh. I've asked if it's planned before. Why assume the question means more than it is? Unplanned doesn't equal unwanted.. it's just a question.
Having said that.. I'll probably be asked this too when we are pg with #3 cos we already have a boy & a girl. Sure it'll irritate me, but I wouldn't be offended and see it as people prying into my sex life!
Before I became pregnant and started looking on BB I never realised how difficult it is for some people it is to get pregnant, and how easy it is for others, how much planning can go into it - my world had never overlapped with babies and pregnancy and if I asked the "Was it planned" question in the past I certainly wouldn't have been thinking they want the baby less or interested in their sex life.
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meh. I've asked if it's planned before. Why assume the question means more than it is? Unplanned doesn't equal unwanted.. it's just a question.
Having said that.. I'll probably be asked this too when we are pg with #3 cos we already have a boy & a girl. Sure it'll irritate me, but I wouldn't be offended and see it as people prying into my sex life!Diff'rent strokes then, I guess. To me, the question is saying, "So did your contraception fail or didn't you use any?"
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This is going to sound slightly silly, but before becoming pregnant myself - the fact that someone has had sex to get pregnant didn't really cross my mind - the two were sort of detached. If someone announced they were pregnant I wouldn't be thinking about them having sex, but I might be curious about what the thought process was about deciding was the right time to have kids if there was one, is human nature to be interested in the life of those around you - ok now I have BB where I can read all about peoples pregnancy and TTC journeys and read about peoples thought processes in deciding when is the best time for them to have a first, a second etc - but once upon a time there wasn't BB and you need to learn stuff from other people somehow.
BellyBelly Life Subscriber
Yeah, it's a bit like being offended that someone has announced their pregnancy... ewwww... I don't want to know that you had sex!
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I love that one.. Was it planned?? mmmmmm have sex unprotected and mmmmm its a good chance!
BellyBelly Member
Tbh, I really don't care when people ask me! I've had it with nearly every person we've told (I assume it's because of my age lol) and I just say "yeh kinda" because that's the truth!
I'm like Liz in the sense that I don't see it as prying, I guess people are just curious and want to know abit more about your journey and thought patterns?
I know I've asked, and people never cared, they openly answered and said yes or no, but then, maybe the groups I associate see things differently to how others do? But then, I've heard others are pregnant and just said congrats and didn't ask if they had planned it, I think it also depends on how well you know the person, their situation (I.e. If they're single, it obviously wasn't planned lol) and just the general situation when they tell you?
Maybe they aren't sure what to say when theyre told youre expecting and so that's why they ask? Lol.
AFM - I know most people who have asked have done so because DH and I are married and just simply WONDER how we expect to lay out our lives?
Whereas others are just simply finding a way to express and confirm their disagreeance with our choices lol, either way I don't care, as it's our life, and if they don't like it, they can sod off and stay away because I don't want people who aren't happy for us then I don't want their fake attitudes and them silently judging us around.
But that's just my opinion
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Well DF and I have pretty much told everyone we're utd (our own reasons for announcing early
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that's a weird question to ask, i think. it is really none of their business. when i announced this baby on FB one of my friends on there (that i don't really talk to IRL) asked me if it was planned, and i was like...WTF ??? i just ignored her question and didn't answer. but yeh, i get your frustration after having been asked it so many times. i just wouldn't answer or say it's none of their business.
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