I suffered with Antenatal Depression and Anxiety and was a bit of a mess during the first trimester. I was lucky enough to see a great psychologist but it took a lot of work to start to feel positive about the pregnancy and impending motherhood. I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone, unfortunately anxiety is experienced by so many people, but there is help.
Besides seeing the psychologist, perhaps you could talk to someone over the phone? The Post and Antenatal Depression Association (PANDA) has some good resources - just google them and you'll find them. You WILL get better, you're doing all the right things to move forward. Anxiety is a b!tch! But I can say that, for me, it's not a life sentence, and I'm doing much better since my counseling during the pregnancy.
I've only just seen this Meggles and haven't read all the replies fully. babe. Totally empathise.
My ANA is horrendous. After the first pregnancy I knew it would come back with another and it did.
Are you booked into a hospital yet? Talking to the midwives really helped. I did see a psych but her and I did not gel, so I stopped that quick smart. In the end I ended up medicated and on Aropax. Not for everyone, but I just could not function. All my previously successful coping strategies were doing nothing. I know it's not for everyone (and previously I would have said it wasn't for me), but it changed my life - for the better.
I'm truely happy for a chat if you need. Just let me know.
i know your fear darl, i really do. i had never suffered anxiety until i fell pregnant with my first, i had an attack, which is actually how i found out i was pregnant! frikking hormones! i was constantly sick, and was terrified of a lot of things, going into a baby shop made me vomit, the thought of having my baby made me stress, but the thought of losing him made me stress too. i felt like i was losing my mind. after i was about 6 months, i started to see an accupuncturist, which was the best thing i ever did, the relaxation i felt after seeing him was amazing.
my ante-natal anxiety lasted until delivery, although not quite as severe, but when i saw my son for the first time, any fears went out the window. i was in love. post-natally i didn't suffer at all with him. after my baby girl was born i had no anxiety until about 12 weeks post-birth when the attacks were back. but i got them under control with lexapro and other natural treatments.
the point of my ranting is that you are not alone, and you WILL be ok. you and your baby will get through this.
PM me if you would like to, and if you need my number just let me know, i'm more than happy to chat when you need help calming down.
Have just been to the GP cause I'm just not coping. She upped my dosage of Prozac and also gave me a small supply of low dose (2mg) diazepam for when I need it, just until the Prozac kicks in and I can get help.
I know neither is ideal in pregnancy but it's better than me being a wreck.
Really hoping that because I'm already on it the increase will take effect quickly.
Hi Meggles,
I'm so sorry you are going through a tough time. I suffered from GAD for most of my life until years of treatment and medication got me in a better place a few years ago. With my first pregnancy the GAD came back and I felt a lot of the things you have described, which was really awful after feeling great before that. I felt like I was going mad. I ended up having a miscarriage at 10 weeks, the day after the D&C I woke up and felt normal again - no GAD at all. What this told me was that it was so much to do with my hormones & was temporary. The first trimester is the worst for that I think. It is great that you are reaching out to get help - keep talking to people about how you feel if you can. Have you tried to do some visualisations or calming exercises? Whatever helps you to get through - meds, therapy or joining a group. Maybe your hospital has a support group?
big hugs to you, I hope upping your meds kicks in and you start to feel better really soon. But you are doing so well by talking and reaching out. I think we all worry about the big picture (can I cope as a Mum? etc), but maybe it would be helpful to think just this minute for now. By looking after yourself you are being a great Mum already.
:hugs:
The last 3 weeks have been hell. I have been waking up every morning increasingly earlier than the day before. Today it was 3:30am.
That wouldn't be so bad if I could fall back asleep, but I can't. I just lie there desperate and half dozing for the next few hours.
Then the anxiety kicks in. And I'm HYSTERICAL. Freaking the **** out. Went to see a psych at the Mother Baby unit at a hospital in town last week and she referred me to the local Mental Health Unit to be admitted because I was just falling apart and needed more intensive every-day help than just a couple of 1hr psych visits a week.
They rang the next day to say they have a bed available but I said to leave it for now, so they'll keep me on the waiting list.
Why did I turn it down??
I was feeling kinda ok that day?? The mornings have been the worst, but I'd not been feeling anything. I had one flutter of my heart racing when I thought "do I really want a baby" but otherwise, I wasn't hysterical like every other day. Every other day I've been beside myself, desperately hysterical, cant stop the thoughts.
I was saying to my husband earlier that all I've ever wanted was a baby. I used to cry for ages when we weren't ready to try for a baby yet.
So why am I afraid now that I don't want one? All of the effort involved. I guess cause it's FOREVER. You can't change your mind or give it back. It's a baby/toddler/child/teen/adult. Always needing you in some capacity.
I mean I've never had fears about being a good mum. I've been round babies plenty and am somewhat confident in my skills. But I just worry that the baby will come and I'll want to be selfish and live my childless life. Which is silly really, because we don't go out partying or anything - we're real nanna's - we go to bed at 9 on Friday nights for goodness sake! I'm not going to be losing my active social life.
But I know I couldn't cope with terminating - I don't want to.
I try telling myself that lots of people have these fears, and once baby is born I'll be madly in love with it, like everybody else seems to be. I just don't want to feel like this the whole pregnancy. It's horrible feeling like I don't want to be pregnant/have my baby.
Have even had a few friends confess that in their pregnancies they had similar thoughts - even ones as extreme as kind of hoping they'd miscarry so the anxiety and sickness would go away. As much as it's a horrible thing to think, I'm glad that some of my friends were brave enough to say what I'm sure lots and lots of women actually think, but just won't admit
I know deep inside I DO want a baby - of course I do. What's the alternative? Just being childless forever? No. That's not me. I want a baby.
I just feel trapped though.
My mum reckons that maybe it's my mind protecting me because of the last 2 losses. That maybe if I think I dont want it, then if I lose it, I wont be upset.
Was okay for a few days ... still on edge, but not freaking out.
BUT! I had a pretty bad day with my anxiety yesterday. Wish this crap would go away - it's so frightening and REAL when you're in the moment. Ugh. Mental illness sucks.
Morning sickness wise it's still pretty mild - just feeling a bit off/nauseas/empty in the stomach.
Wish I had of gone to hospital.
I have my OB appointment today so I'll get a scan. Will let you know how it goes.
Ultrasound confirmed a missed miscarriage again - going to hospital to have a D&C on Friday.
Hubby and I are getting blood tests done to check our chromosomes and stuff too, in case there's a problem, because we fall pregnant easily but just can't STAY pregnant.
I'm okay though. Had my cry and sulk. If I can see ANY positive in a horrible situation it's that now I guess I can take time to work out my anxiety before we try again.
Thanks for caring guys. It really does mean alot x
Last edited by Meggles; November 23rd, 2010 at 12:30 PM.
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