Pressure to Have the "Perfect Birth"

[Kailani]

I can say that yes, I did feel pressured to have a vaginal drug free birth. I was so determined to have one and I guess I felt pressured because I knew I would have been so disappointed if I didn't have one. It wasn't pressure from others, it was myself! I found, like lulu mentioned, I was often scoffed at and asked why I wouldn't want an epidural and why I wanted to go through all that pain. In the end I didn't have a choice... my labour was too quick and I'm forever grateful!

[Just Me]

This is a really interesting thread and I have read some things in here that I never really understood before - but boy, has it been a lot to take in!

I am having a baby in Sept and not really sure how I feel about the whole birthing thing (this will be my third time). I just want a healthy baby. I don't enjoy it at all, but I have found some of the posts from people who did very interesting. I am coping with it this time by not thinking about it too much. I have always seen birth as a means to an end so I have tried not to think too deeply about it (though I have read and educated myself and I do have a birth plan) but I really don't relish the thought of birth.

I really don't know what to think now - there was A LOT of info in this thread and while I was a bit skeptical about some of the things I was reading at the beginning, I am very interested and not so skeptical (though still not entirely convinced).

Sorry for hijacking this thread - it was meant to be about pressure for the perfect birth - I am not really sure how I would define 'perfect birth' as a general definition because it is all so relative to who you are talking to (professionals, other mums, pg women). I think there are a lot of pressures from all different sides for all different kinds of birth. At the end of the day, I think making an informed choice and having a plan is the best way to go.

My head is really swimming at the moment trying to process all the things i have read so sorry if this seems a bit all over the place.

[Bella29]

I hear what you mean about the pressure!! My sister is a doula and has had an interesting road along her birth journey and so is really keen to help women become informed about their birth choices and so forth, which means at times she can go on and on and on.........

However as a woman about to have her first baby I have often felt alot of pressure with the eyes of everyone watching me to see how I do because of her influence in the local birthing scene. She knows everyone, and they all know who I am and that I am expecting

It not like I think that she or anyone else intends to make me feel like a prize show horse. It's just that they all talk about it like I have all of the ability to effect how my labour will go by sheer will power alone. And to be honest I would love to think that I am gonna be this great earth mummy... but in reality I just don't know how I am gonna go

So I have gone to calm birth and read alot about my choices, and I agree that it is really good to be informed and that birth is too intervened with these days......but I also understand why you would feel pressured to have the "perfect birth" cos I do to.

End of the day you have to live only with yourself. None of those people are gonna follow you home and help you live with the choices you make.. The only thing I would say is don't not listen to them because they make you fear failure(that's how it makes me feel at times). Take the information you feel will help you and ignore what makes you uncomfortable. I try to understand that alot of these women are really debriefing traumatic experiences with the rest of us in an effort to come to their own peace. Maybe by looking at it that way we who feel pressured can realise that we are helping these women thru their experiences, and may ourselves need to do it one day.

Good luck by the way

[BekZ]

Bella - I think it is always good to move to your own beat iykwim.