Noni - I really think you should speak with someone about it if it is terrifiying you that much. There are anonymous helplines you can call - you don't have to feel this way alone and without support. you mentioned you have bipolar, do you have a good doctor who is aware of this and can maybe help you with advice and counseling?

I would agree with Krysalyss that most hospitals would have counseling of some kind that you could look into. But I really think you should reach out to someone trained and talk to them about your fears.

xxx