I completely understand where you are coming from!

We were LTTTC-ers before our first baby and because of that decided small age gaps were going to be better for us. We had our three boys in 3 years. We decided to continue on for baby #4 but unfortunately we had another stint at LTTTC and I had 4 miscarriages. Im 13wks pregnant now and my youngest son will be 4y1m when baby is born. We NEVER intended of having a big age gap like that at all and I have so many reservations about it, especially with the other kids being so much older. I wish it were different but we got dealt the hand we did and Im just going to hope for the best. I keep trying to remember the perks of a larger age gap vs the smaller ones we had before but its a very scary prospect, isnt it?