Hi lovely ladies,
Firstly congratulations to you all for making it here, I wish you all a H&H pregnancy and a beautiful baby/s at the end.
As a LTTer who has had a few unsuccessful IVF attempts, I am at my wits end. I saw a clairvoyant recently, she told me that I wouldn't conceive through IVF and I would only ever concieve naturally if I stopped thinking about it and obessing about. That I had essentially brought this on myself with my stressing. (She was pretty brutal). I don't know where to go from here and I know it sounds crazy that I am taking the word of a clairvoyant about what to do next. I think I need some time off anyway to get my head in the right frame of mind, but I don't have much hope for being able to concieve naturally.
So my question is, does thinking positive really make a difference? Did you go into your successful cycle knowing it was going to work? Did you have doubts and negativity? How did you stay positive?
I am really struggling with this, and I know that time will pass and I will be in a better frame of mind, but I am so concerned that my beating myself up is preventing conception. Am I really doing this to myself.
firstly - your clairvoyant sounds like a grade A biatch!! who says that to someone???
as to positivity - i don't know that it changes the outcome, but it makes it easier to deal with. not sure how to explain it, but i've been through a number of IUI and IVF cycles - have had five m/c's, so a pretty rough journey. this last cycle, i went into with a different mindset - i started accupuncture which made me a calmer person than i'd been in the last two years. i just went with the flow - turn up when the clinic tell me to, jab when they tell me to - but don't fret on it. i guess it wasn't positivity - it was more denial that i was doing anything!
but it has worked - we're now somewhere around 8 weeks pregnant...
i would honestly suggest accupuncture for your state of mind if not for your actual cycle - it makes a huge difference - and in all honestly, it's the ONLY thing we really changed this cycle from the last one, so i believe it's made a difference - whether it was the AP itself, or the change in my own attitude i don't know...
babydreamtime, speaking as someone who is also in a pretty bad head space right now, all I can say is, that I am sure, if you can dig deep (as I will have to do) and find a way to be positive and hopeful, but also a bit more relaxed about it (like BG said) it does help...I have also found acupuncture helpful. After both my transfers I felt hopeful..with the FET I felt it would work...I also thought the baby would stay with us for the long haul, and sadly it left us last week....I think positive thinking helps and I am a spiritual person and believe in putting positive energy out there...and even calling on the Universe and higher powers to help... but it doesnt guarantee results.
Just like I think being negative or putting negative vibes out there, can tend to breed negativitiy and I am sure it doesnt help a little life take hold, nor your head space and emotional balance... I don't think stress alone stops people falling pregnant...lots of women on here have stressed and fretted through their cycles and their TWW and then their pregnancy only to end up with a BFP and a then baby to hold. So don't beat yourself up about that...you are only human! as are we all.
I've been to clairvoyants too... I guess we turn to all sorts of areas of advice...I've also been to a naturopath, acupuncturist, reiki healer, GP, OB, IVF people etc....all of which is OK.
I think also, focussing on having a baby is normal and natural when in this process, but also trying to maintain a bit of balance by having some focus on other areas of your life can help keep things a bit calmer.... I havent been lately, and this miscarriage has thrown me into a spin...but I need to reconnect with other parts of my life for a while now.
I know I am rambling...just my thoughts. Sending you hugs. xx
Emma
When I conceived my son I had completely given up all hope of ever being a mum. I thought I was too old (was 41 at the time) therefore I'd been really lucky to have the pregnancies I'd had (although all were short lived).
Then suddenly I was pregnant again. I used to swing between feeling like this was the sticky bub I'd hoped for or thinking that there was no way things were going to work out well. If you can manage to keep positive when LTTTCing then I'm all for it, but if you can't (like I couldn't) then I really don't think it matters.
When I gave birth I was 42 - 14 years after I first TTC'd but 9 months after I'd given up all hope. It was a natural conception even though I'd been told IVF was my only chance of a successful pregnancy.
You just never know what's ahead of you in this life.
Almost forgot. Re the psychic. My aunt who could "see" things only ever saw me with a girl child. I used to think this meant that I wouldn't have my own child as I had a step daughter. My aunt passed about a month before I became pregnant with Brock - I guess she could only see what happened in her lifetime. Maybe it's the same with the psychic you saw.
Last edited by satya; October 21st, 2008 at 05:53 PM.
: forgot something
For me i needed postitve thoughts when i did get pregnant- i have lost two babies in late pregnancy, and they each have their own stories but thats a whole other thread...
With my first pregnancy i was i guess naive and just never imagined anything could go wrong- so i guess iw asnt exaclty positive or negative- but if anything more positive coz i just never imagined anything different.
with my second pregnancy i was PETRIFIED and sooo sure that i wasnt bringing my baby home- i was adament not to buy anything, i didnt get excited i was completely negative- and i lost her at 35 weeks...
Now part if me is always unsure whether my NEGATIVITY caused my loss in a sense- or if i just somehow deep down knew it wasnt going to happen and so was preparing myself.. not really sure. I told myself i had been positive once beofre and i ended up coming crashing down when something went wrong- so this time preparing myself would make it easier some how- well it didnt really- i was still devastated only this time i had the guilt of my nagative thoughts to add to the mix...
With DS pregnancy- i decided i was going to be POSITIVE.. mind you i had ALOT of support from many people on this site, but my mind frame was SOOOOOO much different to my previous pregancy-i bought things, i prepared and i NEVER let the thought enter my mind that he wasnt coming home and well... I now have an adorable baby boy who amazes me every day!!!
So I say- yes, like possums said, i feel i put neg feelings out there with Zahra, and got a very sad result, and with Shane i put out all the positive vibes i could muster- and i got a very positive outcome, but thats not to say it will always happen- coz like i said- my first pregnancy, i was positive and it still didnt work out.
I have also seen a tarot reader when i was TTC the first time- and he said i was stopping myslef from concieving- that i was my biggest hurdle, i saw another lady a few years later who said i would loose a few babies but that i would eventually have a boy and a girl quite close in age.
I think maybe the lady you saw was just trying to scare tactic you out of a negative outlook- but she was pretty harsh about it. I would def look into accupuncture- i had some when i was pregnant- whcih like BG said relaxed me to no end.. also i saw an energy facilitator who took me through meditation which was VERY helpful to my frame of mind...
Good luck and i hope your dream comes true soon
xoxox
SB
I think that clairvoyant was really irresponsible saying those things to you, how can it possibly help to tell you that it's your fault? I absolutely do not think that you are doing this to yourself! Have you been given any medical reasons for your trouble conceiving? If you've been told you need treatment I wouldn't stop that treatment because of what a clairvoyant said.
I don't know if a positive attitude helps or not, I guess if it does nothing else, it helps you survive the process.
The cycle that I conceived I don't think I felt any more positive than the ones that had failed (I was doing ov induction with IUI), but my DH says that HE knew that that one was going to work. He felt much more positive about it than I did. I think he's a bit more in tune with things than I am. I spent the TWW getting prices for IVF, which we were going to move on to next.
I did start acupuncture that cycle, and I really think it helped. I also spent a long time doing a creative visualisation of my embryo implanting and growing into a healthy baby on the day of my IUI, perhaps that helped too?
Ultimately though, I think you can get pregnant regardless of your level of positivity, I wouldn't think feeling positive is a precondition for conception. The hard thing about trying to feel positive is that if you don't feel positive, it just gives you another thing to beat yourself up over, so I wouldn't take what the clairvoyant said too much to heart.
If you feel that it would help you to take a bit of a break and work on some other things to make you feel happier in yourself, that's a great idea, but please don't give up hope that IVF will work for you.
I see that your BT is in a few days - wishing you all the best, and hoping that you get that BFP!!
Does Being Positive Make A Difference?
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I would def look into accupuncture- i had some when i was pregnant- whcih like BG said relaxed me to no end.. also i saw an energy facilitator who took me through meditation which was VERY helpful to my frame of mind...
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