I am so scared

[Elocin]

I am 6 weeks today. Sore boobs, bloated, exhausted, not enjoying food at all.

2 positive BTs. Too many positive HPTs too count. 2 scans... First showing a nice gest sac, the 2nd showing the gest sac had doubled in size, a perfect yolk sac and the beginning of the fetal pole.

Both scans were measuring quite early compared to my IVF dates.

Everyone knew we were doing IVF, therefore everyone knows we are pregnant. Everyone is so excited and DH is beside himself. But I'm not. I can't. I tear up whenever anybody says anything to me about the pregnancy. Mum and Dad brought it up on the phone tonight and I couldn't be less interested. I don't want to talk about it. I don't want everyone to know about it anymore. I want rewind time and have nobody know that we're doing IVF.

I know it's early. I know it's common for scans to measure different to IVF / LMP dates. But I just can't let it go and accept it. I feel like it's better not to get attached because the small measurements = miscarriage.

I feel more stressed now than I did throughout the entire IVF process. This will more than likely be my only pregnancy and I just want to enjoy it and be the laid-back person I once was.

[lise]

Oh hon, I know there's nothing really I can say to make you feel better but wanted to give you a hug

I know when I had my scan at six weeks my FS gave me a different EDD than what everyone else did, almost one week later. For the life of me I couldn't work out how HE worked it out.

Does your clinic offer counselling? Might be helpful to talk over your feelings with someone removed from your journey who can offer some advice on how to deal with everyone who knows. Hope this makes sense - I can't offer any useful advice on what to say to those who know because only two people knew we had a BFP. But I know
how I felt about everyone knowing we were doing IVF and I hated it. I have read somewhere on BB (will try to find it, was very useful!) about someone's 'rules' for
handling IVF, which included dealing with family talking about it etc when you don't want to...

I'm babbling and not very helpful. I did eventually relax into my pregnancy as it progressed and I will have my fingers crossed you can too xx

[onthefly]

I can't make it better Elocin, but just know that you're not alone in feeling this way Because it's never ever worked before, you just know something has to go wrong.
But sometimes, against all the odds (and who could believe it?) it does work

Just how different were the measurements? Maybe we can help reassure you on that one at least.

[willow5]

I have no advice just lots of

[LizLemon]

to you.
This really is the hardest part of the process - it now feels like you have so much more to lose. There's not much I can recommend to make it easier other than knowing that you have overcome the hardest hurdle - and shown you can do it. I also found chocolate helped... a LOT!

As for the dates/measurements - as MadB said how much difference is there? My clinic gave me an EDD and I was never happy with it. My OB (who is also my FS but not the one that gave me my EDD) went through it again and it turns out they'd told me I was 5 days less pregnant than I was. It doesn't sound like much but could have made a big difference early on had it been the other way, and also a big difference at the end given that I have to have a c-section and it's not good to bring bub out too early. Anyway all I'm saying is maybe have a close look at your transfer date and what kind of embryo was transferred and make sure you agree with the dates.

[Cherished]

Aw hon Please try to relax and enjoy it. You deserve it! Maybe take a day for yourself, pamper yourself, get your hair cut, nails done, get a facial and have a soak in the bath, go to the movies and eat whatever you want. Meditate or go for a walk on the beach / rainforest. Connect with your body and your baby Everything will be fine xoxoxoxo

[luna moth]

Aw hon Please try to relax and enjoy it. You deserve it! Maybe take a day for yourself, pamper yourself, get your hair cut, nails done, get a facial and have a soak in the bath, go to the movies and eat whatever you want. Meditate or go for a walk on the beach / rainforest. Connect with your body and your baby Everything will be fine xoxoxoxo

^^ do all of that. And eat some more fertility bun.

It is OK to feel this way. I used to tear up all the time too, and the only person who tuned in and "got it" was my mum. And a couple of work colleagues. So my tactic, if it came up, was to pretend I had to vomit (morning sickness, it's feasible) It works if you're on the phone, or in a house, or in a box, or with a fox. If it comes up, you roll out a bit of "excuse me, I'm just not feeling very well" Then you dash to the toilets, climb out the window and run away.

Don't actually climb out the window. Go back, change the subject, if you need another tactic, get dizzy and excuse yourself to have a lie down.

But take a break, remove yourself from those situations. If you don't want to talk about it, don't talk about it. It's OK to be scared. (I assume so, anyway, because I was, and my kid turned out pretty good) This isn't against all odds. Most pregnancies survive. The majority of them actually truly do. Heck, even 50% of mine have...

Try to breathe... we've got a lot of breath-holding in front of us yet.

[YoYo]

Big Deeep breaths Honey

Take it in, and if you have to tell your Mum or anyone else for that matter to not ask about it, then do it. Tell them you need to take it in for yourself, and right now you just don't feel like sharing.

With or without IVF we all kind of feel the same, you just never know. You just have to hope and pray that all will be OK.

Add IVF in the mix, the hormones, the processes of it all and you have another reason to be a bit more sensitive I suppose. I can't speak from that perspective though.

I can support and hold your hand and hope for you that you will receive your most wanted and deserved baby at the end of your pregnancy.

[Elocin]

Thanks ladies.

I know I need to take it one day at a time and I know that the odds are on my side. I want to accept it and enjoy my pregnancy. Something is holding me back, I just can't figure out what.

I'm seeing my parents and a big group of friends this weekend, all of which are beside themselves with excitement. I'm dreading it. I'm trying to work out how to convince everyone I'm happy and excited about it. If I can't even get through a phone conversation, how am I going to manage 5 days?

Just how different were the measurements? Maybe we can help reassure you on that one at least.

At my first scan, I was 5w3d (IVF dates) and was measuring 5w. Honestly I wasn't too concerned, it's only a few days and it could be due to late implantation.

At the 2nd scan, they didn't really tell me what dates I was measuring. They were just happy that the yolk sac had appeared and they could see the beginnings of the fetel pole. Everyone is happy with the numbers and the measurements. The sonographer, the IVF nurses I've spoken to since Monday, my FS. I just can't get passed the fact that it's measuring small... it's all I'm focusing on.

I am trying to protect myself, although a very wise lady told me last night, that it doesn't matter if I get attached to it or not... if I lose it, it's gunna hurt. I know there's nothing I can do now, just ride the wave.

And eat some more fertility bun.

It's OK to be scared. (I assume so, anyway, because I was, and my kid turned out pretty good)

Dude, I ate so much of that bun, I'm surprised it's not triplets.

Yeah, your kid is alright. You guys give me hope. Honestly, I look at you and what you went through to get her, and it makes my heart smile.

Jo, I appreciate your offer to answer my questions so very much. You are going through so much yourself, and I love you for offering to open up to me while you're in so much pain.

Cherished, you've given me some good coping strategies which I will definitely use over the weekend. I'll be at the beach, so will definitely take the opp to take some alone time.

Yules, you're right - I'm still on Crinone from my IVF cycle, so adding to everything are these nasty little tubes of progesterone. Thank you

I *know* it will sink in. I know that most pregnancies are fine. I know that the majority of pregnancies end with a gorgeous, screaming baby at the end of it. I just don't know how to accept, that after everything I've been through, I'm going to have a 'normal' pregnancy now...

[RhiChiChi]

I can't make it better Elocin, but just know that you're not alone in feeling this way Because it's never ever worked before, you just know something has to go wrong.
But sometimes, against all the odds (and who could believe it?) it does work

Just how different were the measurements? Maybe we can help reassure you on that one at least.

I just want to reiterate what has been said here. I am truly wishing you all the best & hope this one is a sticky bubs. ((hugs))

[Joeve]

Oh sweetie I am so sorry you feel this way. I am not going to tell you to relax, but I will tell you that you must be kind to yourself and remember that whatever happens will happen no matter what you do or don't do. For you that means that your body knows what to do, your baby is in the right place to grow and develop beautifully and the rest is in the hands of god or the universe or whatever you believe in. Try not to dwell on other stories around you, I kept doing that and now I wish I hadn't. Its completely overwhelming to be pregnant after wanting it for so long, but babe you are over the highest hardest hurdle, take a deep breath and be ready for the next one whatever it is. I am here any time you want to talk, if you want to ask me anything about my experience that might resassure you that you are different please ask i won't be offended or upset. If I can help you I will xxx

[OceanPrincess]

Massive hugs babe. I can hear the stress in your words. No real advice sorry

[PumpkinZulu]

Minus the IVF, I know exactly how you are feeling. It's very hard. My only advice is to take each day as it comes. Easier said than done, I know, but sometimes just reminding myself that all of this is beyond my control, and that I can either choose to enjoy it and let things be, or worry and let this time pass me by, even though there is nothing I can do about it, really helps me. As scary as it is, it's out of your control now. All you can do is try to let yourself love your little one, throw yourself into it. Hugs

[mummajj]

[lise]

https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...portive-51743/

Here is the link to the 'rules' (by butterfly warrior) for the family I was talking about, hoping there's something in here you find useful for dealing with your family at least xx

[Mum2SweetCs]

Nic, just wanted to offer you and cuddles. I know no words will be able to put your mind at ease, and telling you to enjoy every bit of your pregnancy is easier said than done, but in a flash of an eye (9 months goes by so fast) you will be holding a bub in your arms and you will be the best parents to the little miracle.

[OceanPrincess]

Well said hun. For a random brain dump, that's a pretty sensible line of thought.

[MummaSue]

We'll all be excited for you ok? Until you get there yourself and beyond.