I feel so very ungrateful and unworthy

[Ahurani]

MummaSue: Thats EXACTLY how I feel. Im terrified of getting attached incase something goes wrong, in my head its like I wont be so devastated because I knew something was going to go wrong/in denial iykwim. I read your thread too, the responses helped me alot

Synchronicity: I think your right re the being a LTTTC thing.

Thankyou so much everyone for replying, it means so much to me. I feel alot better now I have talked about it.

[MummaSue]

Glad to hear you're feeling a bit better babe PM me anytime xxxxx

[onthefly]

Don't feel bad - it's normal to feel this way, and it's ok. I dont' think I really started to bond with DS till he was a week or two old.

[Lisa B]

Hey Ahurani,

I just want to reiterate what everyone else has already said. It is definitely the LTTTCer thing going on. I think it's only now that I'm starting to bond with my bub. I was always, and still am I waiting for something to go wrong. I kept on feeling like my pregnancy was a dream and I was hallucinating due to the TTC stress and any moment I would wake up and find that I did dream it all. DP was worried about me in the first half of the pregnancy because I barely wanted to talk about it, prepare for the baby or anything.

I've just come back from a pregnancy class at the hospital and they showed a fetal development DVD. I had tears in my eyes as they showed the egg and sperm meet because I felt so inadequate that my body didn't work the way it was supposed to. There are definitely some hangover affects from LTTTC and it affects us all differently. I don't think these feelings will go, but hopefully they will begin to take a back seat at some point.

Be kind to yourself and just take each day as it comes. There will come a point when you are emotionally ready to bond with your baby. It's okay if you're not there yet.

[dusty]

Hun as said above by others, a lot of LTers feel this way.

It wasn't until I was about your stage that I really started to relax and enjoy the pregnancy, mainly because I didn't want to miss out on the experience and I'd read of so many LTers that just didn't enjoy it. Whatever happens for you know that you are normal and that things will get more exciting the closer the time comes for bub to be born. I honestly didn't ever think I was having a 'baby' until they popped DD on my chest and I was amazed! Until then she had been this creature in me which I was excited about but still couldn't quite believe.

However, I did end up enjoying my pregnancy and I think if you are able to put trust in your body and baby it may get easier for you.

I had a mantra given to me by the lovely Acacia (another BB LTer) which may help you too.

"Phoenix and my body are doing what nature designed them to do. My body, mind and spirit is growing in strength and faith and courage as my baby Phoenix grows".

I found this essential to help and over time it became more natural.

Sending you hugs xx