Parenting after Long Term TTC #6

[Murph01]

Smithy, your clip of Charlie is DIVINE!!!! What a gorgeous little poppet and so clever to be going forward!! She'll have to teach Jazzy lol.

Kelly, woh nelly! Well you put me to shame last time, this time you've outdone my full-term size at 12 weeks. Congratulations on making it to that wonderful first milestone and I hope the MS is easing up. Now you just have to concentrate on staying well and getting lots of rest and growing two healthy little bubs in that lovely mummy tummy of yours

I'm having a lovely time with Jazzy up to all her old tricks and not showing any hangovers from the surgery now. I have to pull some nasty sticky band aids off (well, yesterday actually) to inspect the steri strips and we can start to get her head wet again. Yay, I can wash off that yucky blood and betadine that stinks like a hospital and makes her look like she has the worst case of ear wax and bed hair. Nice look in public I don't think! At least the blood noses have stopped and she hasn't been looking quite so feral. She really is doing wonderfully though and is eating like there's no tomorrow. lastnight she ate a full blown child's size of tuna mornay with two helpings of steamed veg (a lot) and then started on my sushi rice and had yoghurt for dessert. I hope this is a growth spurt after all that teething which has been non-stop up until the operation. I keep harping on it but she is still not even 7.5 kilos and well you know...there's always that mother guilt when you make comparisons to your mate's baby born on the same day and now 12 kilos and running! I know they are all different and she is perfectly healthy, intelligent and alert, but you know how it is...

As for leaving your baby, well it shows how little your DH understands the bond you have with your baby and it's that way for a reason. He's not ready to be out in the world on his own yet and now is the time where his mum is the most important person to him. He won't care for grandma when his attachment is to his mum. to be fair, the poor little guy doesn't know his relatives yet and he needs to be in his safest place to do that. I am so close to my mum and I would love Jazzy to know her better but living apart, the bond isn't there yet. When Jazzy gets a bit unsure with mum even while I'm there, I tell her it's alright, and that she knows Nana, but as mum says, she really doesn't yet and that's okay because it's more important that she completely trusts me and from there she can reach out and trust others in her own time. My mum is great like that, but others I find are exactly the opposite and have an attitude of "don't look at Mum", "you don't need Mum", almost like they try to break her in and convince her not to be dependent on me, but I love that she is. Your trust and bond is the strength in your relationship with your baby that will help him to feel safe and secure so I would really trust your instincts and hold off on the travel plans because there is so much more to putting a baby on a plane and taking it from its mother than it sounds like. sorry, but I travel with Jazzy alot (!) and we are always together and it messes with her poor confused little head being in different places all the time. I couldn't imagine her going somewhere without at least having me. I could be wrong but that's my experience and maybe your DH isn't selfish but just unaware that what the mother feels is sometimes at certain times just different to the father and we nurture in different ways. Good luck with that Saph.

I'll post some of my before and after photos for you later so that my good buddy Smiffy and others without FB can have a look.

Better go see what miss J is hoovering up off the floor this time. Love yas all

[grub17]

what did she hoover murph?? a friend's bub just ate either a spider or cochroach, the mother only found a few legs!! grooosssssss lol.

I like what you said about trusting others. i've found my mum and mil both take bub and say "go away mum so he wants me'' or "don't look at mum" etc and it really annoys me. if he wants me it's cos i'm his rock and his security and he doesn't know anyone but mummy and daddy still.

glad you cleaned that feral child up! lol. I can imagine the looks you would've got from people who didn't know - messy hair, dirty ears, bloody nose! what a grotty child!

oh and hey, don't worry about jazzy. Ash is only just 10kg and walking. But the girl babies in our group are all talking well and some are only just getting crawling now! horses for coarses and I think boy babies seem to be a bit more active with the girls happy to play quietly and more sociable etc. we have 7kg babies and 13.5kg babies in our group and there's only a matter of about 2 months difference so i don't think those charts mean squat!

hey hey lenny! how are you going?

hi smithy and kelly. who else? marcellus, hi! Saph, Melbel... have we heard from Greenslw or Poppyfairy recently??? Boc how are you??? and BG are you still there reading away??? Love to hear from you all, and not just persies like good girls! Let us know what's happening in your world *staring at Lenny* lol. Have you noticed lenny you always provide support and advice to others but don't mention much about yourself!!! Marcellus you are naughty for that too!

hugs all.

[saph204]

Oh dear I seem to have made DH look like an incompetent fool. He is actually really wonderful with both the boys. (He would be a stay at home dad if I let him) And Xavier will be fine without me, it is me that I am worried about. He is like an extension of my own body. I voiced my concerns to DH and he was lovely, said that since it doesnt cost anything for Xavier put him on the flight and if I am not comfortable then he stays at home. It would be nice to spend some one on one time with Campbell though. Oh such a round about of thoughts.

Murph dont worry about how much she weighs as long as she is healthy and happy. I spent to much of Campbells first year worrying about his weight, he has GORD and spent months not putting wieght on, and what a waste of energy it was. He is a happy little boys who dispite is problem has grown. He is very tall but very learn. And as for the crawling/walking we have these crazy expectations that they should be walking by their first birthday. This is acutally the exception to the rule. And all babies are different. Take my two.
Campbell - Comando crawling 7 months ( one month after he came out of his hip harness). He was in a harness for his hips until he was 6 months old. In this month he learnt to roll and sit. After some intense chiro he crawled properly at just over 12 months (on Christmas day) and then three weeks later at 13 months he walked.
Xaver - Rolled at birth sat a 4 months, on hands and knees rocking 7.5 months and still on this hands and knees rocking at 9.5 months. Just started comando crawling backwards yesterday. He has mastered the walker zipping around everywhere, campbell only ever went backwards in it. all I can say is just enjoy them while they are little it doesnt last long. Campbell is very excited to be showing everyone his big school uniform. OMG where did the years go he cant be ready to go to school. lol

[barney]

hiya grubby ,murph and all my beauties.
luv to you all.

[onthefly]

Saph, I don't think we thought that of your hubby really, just that we emphathised with you about not wanting to be away from your little one.

DS is about 12.5kg now, if anyone wants to make a comparison

OK, here's something about us. Yesterday DS was playing with a cleaning brush (I think it used to be used for dishes but has ended up in amongst his toys, along with a whole lot of other household junk). We asked him not to use it on the furniture, but the floor was ok.
Hmmm, he says. We watch him walking innocently away towards some chairs.
"no. Don't look at me. Mummy talk to daddy." He says. Then he runs off to the office with his brush. I follow.
"No mummy! Don't watch me!" Poor child just wants to be left alone to disobey us

[grub17]

marcellus that's priceless! i bet he wasn't impressed when you stopped him from brushing the furniture lol

saph - no didn't think your hubby was selfish/nasty-nasty, just male! lol. And I do think X would miss you terribly. DH went away for 2 weeks and Ashton stopped sleeping and was very unsettled. it took him a few days once DH was home to get back to himself (yes he was a little sick too but i really think he didn't like dh going away). But you got to do what you are comfortable with and your DH is happy wiht. Don't put pressure on yourself because you feel selfish or mean not letting X go. It's just not a question of that whatsoever. Maybe if he was 3 or 4 it would be different, but he's still a bub-bub so cut yourself some slack and if you really don't want him to go, just make the call and be happy with your decision.

have our last mum's group meeting today going to be sad to say good bye to all the friends i've made in the past year!

ox

[Lenny]

Grr. Just lost my whole post.

I'm like you saph, i wasted too much time worrying about DS1's weight. DS1 is not yet 12kgs and he's 2.5, whereas my DS2 is about 9kgs i think and he's only 10 months! Kids will pretty much just be whatever they are going to be.

Murph - good to hear that Jazz is going great. It's pretty awesome what you have done.

Grub - why no mum's group? Mine's still going after 2.5 years! It's a bit manic with 12 kids now, but no one seems to care too much and I love the look on DS1's face when he sees his little friends (except one who hits him! there's always one!) The mums get on fine - we aren't best mates, but we can all chat for and hour or so and let someone else's house get messy for a change! I know i am lucky really.

[grub17]

oh lenny that sounds like a fab group! i think mine will be like that... its our last one as we move to darwin next Saturday We are going via FNQ for a few weeks tho to stay at my parents while our furniture is en route.

We are currently in the newcastle region so it's a massive move!

I tried to pack up my makeup and the bathroom yesterday with "help'' from DS. it was so funny watching him go through the bottom drawer, taking things out, looking at them then turfing them over his shoulder as if he was saying "that's cr!p, that's junk, that's sh&t, nah that's boring... ooh travel hair brush, might chew that!"

So i'm leaving the packing til he's asleep and when DH is home, we're going to swap baby play duties so we both get stuff done! but we have removalists come in and pack up most of the stuff, i just need to do clothes, toiletries, jewellery and pack our bags. so not too bad.

better go. someone is crawling to me and whinging! bedtime me thinks

ox

[Murph01]

Oops. the sista-hood really got stuck into that man of yours hey Saph..,lol. Most of us on this forum really have got amazing support from our blokes, but like Grub said, sometimes they are just blokes and think a bit differently. sounds like you've got a good'un and have talked things through so you will choose what's best for you after you weigh it all up.

Just more burrs in the jazzy vaccuum this time Grub. they seem to be swallowing down better now or she just brings them back up for a proper chomp. NO legs this time, but I have experinced the 6 leg variety in the form of a large ****roach in her gob one time. She didn't bite it so it was just lying on her tongue Ooooooh yuck, I can imagine your friend's disgust at finding the legs only. At least this one had legs still wriggling. I guess there are worse people they can be than Bear Grylls My friend's little boy has ditched Bob the builder and Thomas the Tank for Bear Grylls (an ex-SAS soldier and survival expert in "Bear versus wild" if you don't know) and she now has her 4 year old repelling out of the caravan door when he's supposed to be doing his home schooling. He's already a bush tucker baby, being raised in kakadu with the traditional owners so biting the head off a file snake or eating witchedy grubs won't mean much to him but the repelling is a new one to his poor frazzled Mum with a new baby as well!!

I forgot to tell you, I have got a video camera so I will definitely be filming the switch-on. I have also been told that there is always a response at switch-on! andrew and I have been really conservative expecting nothing to happen straight away and telling people to lower their expectations but now we've been told there will definitely be some reaction, whether it's just stilling to the sound or crying, laughing, looking around or whatever but she will hear and will process something. Okaaaaaaay, now I'm EXCITED!!!! Funny how we hold ourselves back from believing the best can happen...sound familiar????

There was actually a bit of a story behind me getting the camcorder but it basically involved me getting upset on my birthday (cos Grub made me cry..) Kidding, I'd been trying to get through on the phone to buy this damn super cheap camera that was only on sale for a week, sat there credit card in hand for days and been given the royal run around, on hold and no one returning my calls, then I finally got through on my birthday and "computer says NO", they tell me deal is off and I have to pay full price. I tried taking it further up the chain but met resounding "NO". Not happy Jan so off I went and stewed and brewed, then ended up writing a letter to The Good Guys and letting them know how disappointed I was with their service and their treatment and long story short (as if), they valued my letter, rang me and arranged a mega super duper deal, treated me like a princess and gave me an SD card worth $139 free on top of the camera at half price. All up I walked away with $990 for $450 because for once I spoke up. Well I was a bit stressed in the lead up to the surgery so they were at a distinct disadvantage dealing with a woman scorned Needless to say, I will once again shop at the Good Guys, but they'd better watch out if they upset me. Mwwwhaaaaa, I have the POWER!!!.

I have been watching youtube vids of cochlear switch-on footage but it's so damn discouraging that no matter how beautiful and heart werenching, there is always some Capital D Deaf nazi stooge there to detract and abuse these poor parents for choosing to operate on their child. There is a distinct Capital D Deaf community who really oppose deaf people getting "fixed" as they believe that sign is the only language for deaf. It gets ugly and contraversial. I just believe in choices. How can I post a clip to youtube and keep it closed to receiving those stooge comments?

Pooooey, someone needs a new nappy. xox

[grub17]

murph i think you can make the channel private on youtube. otherwise just post it without the key words... or just don't read the small-minded comments some people will make. you know what it's like, some people just like to say stuff to up set others. I didn't even know there was an 'deaf community' as you say! does the same go for people who wear glasses you think??? my dad was one of those premmies in the 50s that got the oxygen treatment which left him with massively damaged eyesite so he's a 'cokebottle' (hate that term) glasses guy... so it makes me think, do these people also think he shouldn't access optical technology ie glasses/lenses to improve his eyesight? maybe that's not a fair comparison but it's the sme to me i reckon ie not life-threatening; could fucntion without etc

there's nothing wrong with being deaf and using sign as your language but sadly only a small percentage of the community knows sign language and it is a disability if you have to always have an interpreter or can't communicate effectively with people. Hopefully jazzy might overcome some of those hurdles. Geez, if you can help her why not?

blah. that's annoyed me. but i'm going to go and watch a youtube vid of some turn ons to see the delight!!

and yeah, get excited! why not!!

and good one for complaining! i've got 4 huggies nappies ready to post back to them because they came out of the same box and were faulty!! we use them only overnight and when we go out (otherwise we do cloth) and of course i got all the faulty ones during a nighttime change with only a small nightlight on!!! i was NOT happy trying to figure out why the blasted thing wouldn't open and bub cried louder and louder brh.

geez i feel like a stalker on here atm! i'm like very 2nd post lol. i have got windows to clean, a bathroom to scrub and washign to fold... but when you can procrastinate, why not??? hahahha

[Murph01]

Haha, I hear that re the stalking, but it's so nice to have a sleeping baby and time on your hands and gee wow, the bathroom and dishes and washing are all such wonderful pastimes so I can't imagine why we would want to go and chat in some rotten friendly forum. Okay, I'll go if you will. Put down the keyboard and step away slowly....

P.S for procrastinators like us, I thoroughly recommend the book "Googlewhacking"....very enjoyable read (and pastime). I dare you not to try Googlewhacking as soon as you know what it is.

thanks all for the info on size comparisons. I'm usually not one for caring but when it took 4 hours for her to get off the oxygen after surgery cos she was too little, it got me feeling like "well if you were a better mother..." Not really, but enough that you question yourself.

Yeah Grub, there's a lot to learn about the Deaf communities. I don't get into it and I don't get it. I just made a decision that I'm happy with and like you say SWSWSW (some will, some won't, so what!) My poor sis bought Jazzy this book about a girl getting a cochlear implant and it doesn't take long to pick up the scary undertones, dark imagery, ugly words that say "what are you doing to me...what is this monster in my head", and on it goes about ruining the perfect quiet in the child's head. I'm like, get a grip people, turn the bloody thing off if you don't like it and sign if you want, but if you want the best outcome, it has to be done as young as possible. If jazzy wants to make choices later on, it's her life and her body, she'll always have the internal circuitry, but she doesn't have to wear the external hardware. For now though, she is our Bionic Girl and the choices we have made for her will light up her world and that's all I care about. thanks for the votes of confidence. Yeah, gets you a bit brrrrhhh hey. Enough. get off the computer Angela!

[barney]

murph i think you can make the channel private on youtube. otherwise just post it without the key words... or just don't read the small-minded comments some people will make. you know what it's like, some people just like to say stuff to up set others.

yeh great attitude gruby i totally agree people can be mean with stupid comments but i just blow them off ,murph i use youtube all the time hun and have never had a problem i luv it lol.. give it a go and if you dont like it just deleat your account its very easy hun .would love to see footage of jazzy bear

big hi to you all today girls and i hope you all have a wonderful day.
afm...xmas all done even got a new prettey tree this year hahaha

[Lenny]

Time for a new thread...
PALTTTC #7 here...