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Thread: Pregnancy After Long Term TTC - November '05 #2

  1. #19

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    Hey Girls,

    The other day I was thinking about how everyone writes a birth story, and well, I was thinking about our upcoming one, doodling on paper and what I came up with (don't worry we have not given birth yet....) was in fact our TCC story..

    Thought I would post it here for you all to read if you want to - but warning it is veeeeery long, so you'll need a cuppa!

    Thanks for reading it!


    How I came to be!



    Well, where to start…..

    I guess at the beginning. My hubby and I got married a couple of years ago, after 10 years together. It was a beautiful day, and we had the best honeymoon indulging in our joint passion of skiing. 5 weeks in Europe – 3 weeks of it skiing!!

    Shortly after returning from our honeymoon, we decided to start trying for a baby. I figured in my surgical career there was never going to be a good time nor was I getting any younger (I was 30 then), and so now was as a good a time as any. So, with silly giggles and tingles of excitement that we were about to undertake this ‘adult’ thing, we pottered off to do the deed… a lot.

    We never had any expectations of falling pregnant on the first go or anything, instead thinking that 6 months was going to be the least time it was going to take. We both thought that that was a realistic goal. Well, sometimes things just don’t go according to plan, so month, after month of BFN’s went by, and well, we were beginning to wonder… And then, amazingly, I fell pregnant (12 months after trying). Shaky hands, eyes full of tears, and that rottenly amazing pee stick with two pink lines. My hubby and I stared at it in amazement. We were pregnant!! The exhilarating feeling of achievement was the best ever, and there is no other feeling like it….

    Sadly, a week later my period came. The let down was intense, and neither of us could comprehend being back to square one again. But, on a positive note we figured at least we now knew that we could conceive naturally. That was a big step forward. Over the next 8 months, we had 2 or maybe even 3 BFP’s all ending up being chemical pregnancies (I had learned the term by then..). My gynaecologist recommended a visit to a fertility specialist for some basic investigations, and well, as it happened, somewhere between the first and second visit, we were undergoing IVF. The fertility doc said it was the highest percentage chance of having a baby that he could offer us, everything else he said, well, depended on how long we wanted to be bothered for. So, the IVF route we went (being a percentage couple and all……). BTW all tests came back perfect, and so we were categorised into the cesspool of ‘undiagnosed infertility’, or just lower than normal fertility.

    Well, IVF was an eyeopener. Rollercoaster ride with big ups and big downs, but the potential of a baby of ~40% or so per cycle. Who would not jump at those odds?? Our first cycle was a disaster. Well, the end part anyway. I had an excellent egg collection (18 eggs), of which only two looked a bit immature. But, for some reason, none of them fertilised naturally with my hubby’s sperm. Why, we still don’t understand today. A day later, they artificially inseminated them via a procedure called ICSI, but, being medical and all, I knew that it was one day too late, and it was unlikely that any of them were going to grow. So, another 6-8 week wait till we could do it again…. (Amazingly some actually did grow, but they were not great - we transferred anyway - 2 blasts on D6, but as expected, a BFN). ‘The first cycle is as much about trying to make a baby as it is about trying to understand your ovaries and your response to the drugs’ said the fertility doc.

    Take two – I ended up doing two full stimulation cycles back to back. Something that is not usually recommended because of the danger of hyperstimulation, and not giving the ovaries time to recover between cycles, hence having less eggs and less mature eggs on subsequent collections. ‘Somehow I knew you’d not want to wait a month’ said the fertility doctor. Again though, we were lucky. This time we collected 15 eggs, and they were all good with the exception of 2 which were a bit immature. This time we did ICSI straight away and had a good fertilisation rate, and ended up getting 3 grade 1 blasts on D5. We transferred one, and froze the other two. Unfortunately, on day 6 post transfer I got my period. Again not usual, but explained away with the progesterone gel they were giving me, and well, a BFN followed.

    So, take 3. This was now 6 months after commencing IVF. I had a month break after the last failed cycle – to have a break, settle down emotionally oh, and to sit some pretty important surgical exams, without wondering when I can pee on stick all the time, LOL!! This was our first frozen cycle or FET. It was decided that it was going to be a completely natural cycle with higher dose progesterone pessaries (not gel this time) for support post transfer, provided any of our blasts survived the freeze. I learned something interesting during this cycle, and that was that I ovulated a lot later than I would have thought. I used to think that the pain I got midcycle was ovulation, however during this monitored cycle, the pain was occurring at a time when the follicle was growing, not actually when it was being released. So, ovulation for me was in fact 3 -4 days after this pain, at a time when I had no pain (hmmm, maybe hubby and I were not DTD at the right time after all, and this would make my luteal phase quite short, so, perhaps this is the reason why our natural pregnancies did not stick – something to explore next time!!)

    Anyway, back to take 3. All was going swimmingly. The doc decided to defrost both blasts and transfer both if they made it. Anxiously we waited. The call for transfer did come!! One of our blasts collapsed and died with only 20% of cells surviving the thaw, but the other…… well, it survived with >95% of cells surviving the thaw, and already starting to hatch. ‘It is as good as it gets’ they said. So, off we went, and a short stick and probe later, 1 embie was on board, and it was just a matter of time to see if anything happened….

    Well, at d8 post transfer, I started to get a lot of cramps (very unusual for me really in retrospect). I convinced myself that AF was coming. No bleeding though. But, well, I was sure, wasn’t I? So much so, that I had a glass of wine that night. The cramps continued into the next day, and inside me hope was dying. I started to wonder where to go from there. Had a glass of wine that day too!! Next day it was Monday. I still had 5 days till my official BT. Although I was cramping, there was no bleeding. My hubby and I were home that morning (I was due to go on a week of nights), and late in the morning, I decided what the heck, I would pee on a stick, just to prove to myself that I was not pregnant! I had some Fortel Ultra tests at home, so POAS I did. Low and behold, a faint line appeared. Having had a false positive with Fortel Ultra test, I did not really believe it, but showed it to hubby anyway. He said to wait till Friday or till I started bleeding… Well, like a red flag to a bull that was. Off I went to the chemist to buy a different HPT, one that I have never had a positive from – Discover One, which was said to register only after your beta levels were more than 50 IU/ml, hence more accurate. So, I came home, did not wait anytime, just peed on the stick next time I needed to. And well, low and behold it was positive! I ran out into the kitchen, and I remember saying to my hubby, ‘Well, maybe we are pg after all!!’.

    So that night at work, I decided to do a blood test (OK, so there are advantages to being a doctor and having access to a pathology lab…. Except that I took my own blood so I did not have to own up to anyone about WHY I was NEEDING a blood test, LOL!). 3am, and the results were back – beta of 24. Now 24 is neither negative, nor positive. It is, medically speaking, equivocal. Knowing all that, I kept thinking yeah, but it is NOT negative, so MAYBE something is really happening.

    Tuesday, another pee stick. Again positive. Maybe a trick of the eyes, but could have been a bit darker….

    Wednesday, again a positive. Here I owned up to BB girls in LTTCC forum what I have been up to. Plus, I had already decided that another BT was in order, just to see if the beta had gone up. Well, Wednesday night, 3 am, results were back – beta 66. I had doubled, hell almost tripled in the right time. Maybe, maybe, please, please, please I thought.

    Then, I waited till Friday – my official clinic BT - full of guilt that I had the wine a few days previously, what if I killed the baby, what if ???? I received the call at 2:30pm – ‘You are officially 4 weeks pregnant, congratulations!’. Funny, even though I knew I probably was on the basis of my own testing, hearing someone else tell you that was awesome, and I was lost for words. My hubby and I cried that day. 2.5 years after deciding to try for a baby, here we were pregnant, and officially so.

    Well, then the reality sank in, and the pessimistic side came out – ‘it does not mean we’ll have a baby’, ‘it might not stick like the others’ – but, I kept hoping that the progesterone pessaries were the secret ingredient that made the difference (well, plus a strong little embie!!).

    Anyways, after having a heartbeat confirmed at 7 weeks, we started to feel optimistic, at 12 weeks, we saw the baby move, and no obvious Downs or other malformations seen, we started to feel really hopeful and at 20 weeks we met our little man for the first time. Wiggling, squirming, and as far as we could tell on U/S, perfect in everyway. I snuck out of work for the afternoon with my hubby and we allowed ourselves our first trip to a shop to buy something for the baby (I wasn’t showing so no-one knew yet), and I think that day we allowed ourselves to bond with our baby and to believe that we were on our way to becoming parents.

    So, here I am at 38w 3d, after a wonderful (by all accounts) uncomplicated pregnancy, totally in love with my fat belly which has a life of its own. I can feel my babies feet, legs, hands and bottom. He is fully engaged and now just bidding time till he makes his grand entrance. Last heard, he was 3 weeks ahead of his dates in size and should he continue, his projected weight is over 4kg, with a head circ of 39+ cm by his due date…. So, my hubby and I excitedly await his arrival, whilst that little voice inside me pitties my poor girlie bits…..

    Thank you for reading how I came to be… Now for the next bit….

  2. #20

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    OMG Gabby! What an awsome story! You should've posted a new topic for that!
    Thanx for sharing, I just can't wait to hear the end of the story

    Heaps of Labour Vibes

    Tanya

  3. #21

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    Aw, Gabby, I loved the story. I have thought of writing mine too but now my previous 7 cycles seem to be blurring into one another (pg brain maybe?) and I fear I'm losing the finer details of it. May hve to sit down and just try. You've inspired me!

    Well, at work today...again. Thank God for a sit down job! But my stress levels are pretty high in general. Was saying to DH this morning that after Christmas, would appreciate him dropping me out the front to fhe office instead of the usual pattern of parking down the bottom of the hill and trekking the 10 mins up to work every morning. It's getting too hard to do, especially in the heat!

    And thank you everyone for your lovely comments about the belly! I'm glowing with the compliments! Lol at Gab and Sal thinking I had full body tattoos! I reckon I made it sound that way! I actually have 15, on my tummy, 5 on my back, on my upper arms and on my legs. Taken seperately they don't seem a lot, but when I'm in the nuddy, they seem to be everywhere! Also with the expanding belly, the ones on my tummy seem smaller in comparision somehow....

    Tiff, I'll be thinking of you and praying for you that everything goes smoothly and stress free, especially if you do have to be admitted. I'll be watching for news.

    Amy, yay for the hayfever settling!

    Sal, I can't believe you're almost there! You're on the home stretch now! Damn, I remember when Hayseed, Carrie, you and Gabby announced your pgs, and now two of you have had your bubs, and two of you are going to soon!

    Gabby, i check everyday to see if you posted. I just can't help feeling it's going to be soon.....

    love
    sushee

  4. #22

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    Gab that was awesome! You've inspired me to write my story somewhere too, I'm just sitting here trying to think back and remember details. Maybe I'll do a scan of my previous BB posts to revive the memory.

  5. #23

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    Hey girls, when I wrote Violet's birth story I worte it in MS Word first and when I remembered bits and pieces I just added them in and posted it when I felt I had as much as I could remember... I would love to read about all these journeys

    Tanya

  6. #24

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    Gab, it's always good to hear/read other people's journeys. Hope you enjoy your pressie at the end!

    I actually started writing mine a couple of weeks ago to help me get through my recent losses. Thought it would help emotionally.

    Take care

  7. #25

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    Aw, thanks girls! I had fun doodling on paper. Writing it like that, and feeling Munchy wiggling away in there makes all the hardship fade away and all of a sudden the journey does not seem so bad (this was DEFINITELY not true at the time though!).

    I feel really blessed that compared to a lot of your journeys it actually did not take that long, well the IVF part anyway. 8 months from the first appointment.... that is a lot shorter than a lot of other peoples IVF journeys. All I can say though is - thank goodness for the mad scientists who make this possible!!

    I would love to read anyone elses story (who wants to share) - I know that when we were TCCing I read the stories on this website, and they gave me so much hope!

    Well, better go and look after dinner, my hubby is on his way home, yay!! Had a quiet day otherwise, except for frequent toilet trips... hmm, have not had rotten guts for ages, its like they are cleaning themselves out.... (sorry, way TMI, I know!!), but well, maybe its a sign?? Munchy has had a very wiggly morning, quiet during the middle of the day, and now he is active again!

    Hope you all had a loovely Thursday, I am off to see the obs tomorrow am, so catch up after that!

    Have a good night, bellyrubs to all who want them!!

  8. #26

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    ITS A GIRL !!!! Well 75% sure, only got quick glimpse, kept crossing legs. 152bpm heartbeat, 2D & 3D scans. BPD=42.3mm, HC=156.3mm, TCD=17.5mm, NFT=4.3mm, AC=124.1mm, FL=28mm. ALL in the middle of the 'normal' range, so excellent news.

    I was predicting a boy, & originally hoping for a boy first, but in the last 2 wks, I was hoping for a girl & whammo. Don't get me wrong, we would have been extatic (sp?) either way.

    Great belly Sush. :-)

    Gab, I'll have to read your story bit later. Ur so close to finishing it off too.

    Tiff, u better listen to those Dr's & tell them bout ur sugar levels :-) Hang in their matey, not long to go.

    Kathryn or Sarah, can you please update my details, thanks:

    Ultrasound dates: 20/8, 31/8, 12/9, 4/10, 17/11
    Gender of Baby: Its a GIRL !!!

  9. #27
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    CONGRATS Shell!!!!!!

    On your baby girl!

  10. #28

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    Woohoo congrats on you baby GIRL Shell.... will even things up a bit in April anyways LOL..

  11. #29

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    Yay Shell congratulations on a little girl \/

  12. #30

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    Congrats on Baby Girl!!!

    About time the boy trend had a little lady inserted!!

    Well Done!!

  13. #31
    Sal Guest

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    Yay Shell!! :happy4u: It's good that the number of girlies in this thread is growing.

    Gab, loved your TTC story, there really is nothing nicer than reading about how someone has beaten the odds. Now that we are all on the 'other side' reading such stories is uplifting, with no wistful feelings that you get while you're still batlling with TTC, IYKWIM. I will write mine, I think it's a lovely idea. Perhaps we need to post them in a separate thread in this forum, just so that they all stay together. I feel brave enough now to write my FULL story, it was very painful for me, not just from a TTC perspective, but also from a relationship perspective.

    Yes, I can understand your emotions, Gab, about feeling the loss of the bub from your tummy, with the possibility that it might be the only time you experience it. DH and me talk about the same thing, we'd love another child, but of course cannot depend on having another one. We don't want to be greedy, we are so incredibly thankful that we will be parents at all. It is so nice just having the bub completely to myself, sharing private kicking moments, sharing all the hormones etc.

    It's funny you mention about packing your DH's swimmers - I'd never had known to bring them except for having seen 'the birth video' in antenatal class on Tuesday night, when the midwife told us that speedos are banned in the birth suite

    Tiff, I promise to take a belly shot and post it up, especially as you've taken one of your bump, plus Jo, Tam, Gab, Hay, Sush have also taken shots. I had no idea just how dangerous things were for you in your pregnancy, now I'm going to be worrying even more for you than before. You're in such a difficult position, but if you feel you need to, go into hosp earlier, just for peace of mind, for you and your family. Yucko on the insulin shots, hope your BSLs get under control asap. I am so relieved I haven't got GD, I don't think I could be told what to/what not to eat, I would just snap and binge on whatever I felt like. Must be very very hard.

  14. #32

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    That's fabulous news Shell!

    IKWYM Sal - It's only with the value of hindsight that DH and I have looked at the 2 years spent TTC and realised how tough it really was. Sex became such a chore and there were other difficulties as well that we thought we were coping with at the time but really weren't. I am thinking now it will be quite therapeutic to write "our story" and only hope it can give someone else some hope. Anyone got an idea of where to post our stories?

  15. #33

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    Sal, there is a thread here for all of the LTTTC success stories.

  16. #34

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    Hi girls,

    Back from the Obstetrician.... He told me that I have one 'solid kid' in my belly... hmmmm, wondering how big bubs will be when he comes out, LOL. We are banking on tall....

    Oh, the obs has officially booked us in for an induction (just in case we don't go till then) on the 5th of December, so I guess, that is Munchy's theoretical b'day!! He said he preferred to have a plan (and so do we) so that worked out well!

    I think we should just post our TCC stories under a new thread in this forum, what do you reckon girls?? That way anyone looking in pg after long term TCC can have a read of the long term ttc stories if they want to, and it should not be confronting to anyone.....I am happy to start the thread....

    Sal - it is nice how we all feel the same by the time we get here, and the hurt subsides. It makes it so much more enjoyable somehow, but I agree writing the TCC story is quite therapeutic really.... Cannot wait to read yours. I hear you and NZGirl about the relationship thing - for us too sex got to be a chore, and you almost hated the thought of going to bed and to have to do the deed rather than that lovely spontaneity that used to be there... I hope after bubs is born, we find that again (we've been too scared to bd during the pregnancy....)

    NZGirl - cannot wait to read your story too....

    Well, better go and tidy up a bit, we have a friend staying the night and my study (come the spare room) is a pigsty at present with paperwork all over the place, so......

    Take care, have a good Friday ladies, and catch up a little later!

  17. #35

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    Yay on finding out you're having a girl, Shell! How exciting!

    For some reason I thought your scan was today! Was just coming in to wish you luck! Silly me!

    love
    sushee

  18. #36

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    Hi Girls,

    Just put todays belly shot on the website... getting rounder still! Who would have believed it!!

    Take care,

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