A couple of exhausting busy days for me - thought I'd just check in with an update.

Had appt with FS for 7 week scan yesterday. Found out that HCG hasn't been "behaving" at any of the tests in the past three weeks (although last week was the first time they said anything about it being lower than they would like ). I've been preparing myself for the worst after my chat with the nurse last Thursday when she mentioned that they'd probably find a blighted ovum where sac and placenta develops but no baby. I had a rough afternoon on Thursday until I could debrief with DH, but haven't lost any sleep about it since. My defense mechanism for handling this outcome is that I can't lose something I never had, it is just an inconvenience that has taken up a couple more months of our TTC journey. No tears from me ... not sure if the tough gal attitude is really the best one but that's my choice at the moment!

Anyhow ... FS reviewed my HCG results and said she was unlikely to find a bub on scan and was talking about a curette ... then she did the scan she was surprised to find there was actually a heartbeat, BUT not anywhere as fast as it should be. We're in complete limbo ... next step is another scan in a week to see how things are progressing.

The FS and nurse were both very tight lipped ... not saying anything more than "let's see in a week".

So ... for now I'm "a bit" pregnant and not sure if I want it to succeed or just hurry up and fail so that we can get on with TTC a "good one" ... after such a shaky start I would worry through the whole pg that the baby might not be "normal" but we'll just have to see what the future brings ...

Thinking of you all xoxo