lori and aimee- just a word from me on the gender topic. i can relate to much of what you both say. Basically I know people in my family were waiting for a baby girl...and I personally have no experirence with boys, and being an only child and very close to mum, think I had subconconsciously always imagined myself with, and dearly wanted, a girl of my own.
That's why i wanted to make sure I knew the gender, so that I would have time to be mentally prepared and to bond more with our little one, whether they be a boy or girl! As it is a boy, I am very glad we did find out and already he feels more real to me now and DH and I think we have found a name we both like. It's also given me a chance to accept that fact that this baby is not a girl and that I might never have a girl. There is a sadness for me in that fact, which is entirely separate to the excitement and happiness I feel about being pregnant and having a healthy baby, boy or girl, if that makes sense. I think it's a hard subject to talk about though, because a lot of people will judge, without understanding.
Hi Possums,

Thanks for your understanding. I know so long as it's healthy that is the most important thing but I have been made aware of how important gender really is. Even when you try to raise a child without gender stereotypes (like my ex and I did with her son) they still seem to just automatically develop boy or girl traits (like he always loved toy cars even though she had all sort of toys for him including dolls etc and he had a natural aggression which I haven't seen in girls - from day 1 he would screw his face up when he screamed and seemed so angry at the world!). Friends tell me that my child will be different because I will raise it differently (I never felt I had much of a say in what happened with my ex's son and she did alot of things with him - like letting him get away with bad behaviour, that I didn't agree with and never let my daughter get away with when she was his age). But I wonder how much is how they are raised and how much is just inbuilt... because he just seemed to be that way from the moment he was born. That is what scares me being on my own.

I can understand you wishing you had a girl since you were so close to your mum (like my daughter and I by the sounds of things). I'm really glad she is a girl and atleast I've had the experience of a close parenting relationship with her... probably even more so since I was younger when I had her and on my own from day 1 so in some ways she is like a friend rather than a child. we can talk about most things and plan our holidays together etc, make decisions about where to live etc. In some ways she's probably had more adult experiences (like going overseas etc) but I've also ensured she is encouraged to still be a kid (only got her own computer last year and still doens't have any electronic games machines, doesn't wear makeup etc... still very much enjoying her childhood and building treehouses etc). One of my friends has a daughter the same age (was also a single mum when she was born but now has a partner) and she encourages her daughter to dye her hair and get it cut spikey and wear makeup, have a belly button ring, wear "boob tubes", "****ty" short skirts and G-string undies etc and she's already had several "boyfriends". It means our 2 girls now seem like there is atleast 4 years age difference between them (where really there is only 1 month).

I think I've done a pretty good job of raising my daughter. I'm proud of who she is becoming and I guess that's why I'd love another girl... because I'm confident I could do a good job again, and not so confident about a boy.

Maybe you will have an easier journey concieving a 2nd child (if you decide to go down that path again) and maybe you will end up with your little girl?

It's a pity you can't get private care where you are. I can here but can't afford it. I appreciated having a private OB when I had my daughter as I liked the consistency - especially when I was adjusting to the idea of raising a child as a single mum. He was always so supportive and non-judgemental (unlike many others I encountered in medical circles who assumed as a young single mum I was stupid and had no future). I think being older now and because I don't have any major health issues going private is just a cost I can't justify. However if I had private health cover and it was included I would definately be going private.

Lori
DD -14
Bub due 28th Aug.