SO sick of the comments 'time for another one' and other token comments

[briggsy's girl]

Hmm, yes I think I should try this path, although we are on IUI (round 3 atm), not IVF.....

It's really plain rude to ask & none of their business. I have tried nice too & people just don't let up!

the average jo doesnt know the difference so i just say IVF -0 otherwise you have to explain IUI...

[Possums]

Hey Nic, replied to this on your blog, but just wanted to say that I understand how frustrating, and insensitive those comments can be! Same as when you don't have a child yet, and people think they have a right to tell you to 'hurry up' etc.
And having an only child is ok...i am an only too ;-) It's just something to get your head around (and a situation we may face).... in the meantime, hopefully a BFP awaits you soon

[RhiChiChi]

Oh, good point BG. I am going to take a deep breath & try it next time I am asked!

[Snacks]

Nic.
I think we were very lucky in that the only people who have really commented on our TTC were our siblings, and we are close enough to them to not be bothered by it. We were warned by friends who already had kids that the moment your baby pops out someone will ask you when you are going to have another.

[~Kaz~]

This issue is just starting to come up for me. DS is nearly two. People are starting to make comments, ask when the next one is coming. I was even asked the other day, straight out, if I was pg!!

Before DP got sick, I just used to say "when this one sleeps through" or "when we are ready" and change the subject. It didn't bother me that much. They were nosy. I am private. I win, y'know cause they don't get a straight answer (that's what I told myself anyway). We didn't have trouble/need AC for DS but now that DP has had chemo and was too sick to bank sperm we have no idea whether we can have more children and we're still a few months away from trying to even find out.

To be fair, people don't think and most if not all of the people making comments to me have no idea about DP being sick. They are not trying to upset me, but I totally agree with BG's blunt honesty approach and I think if it helps them stop and think for the next woman that's a bonus. Lately I've been so tempted to ask people how they think we're supposed to have another baby if DP has been made sterile........

[Nicole S]

Thanks again ladies, today marked the day of another 'new' comment........
So do you have a time frame for TTC #2...wtf???

Kaz, I too was asked if I was pg a few months ago to me that is just plain rude!!
I wish you and your DH lots of luck in TTC #2

Amy, reminds me when we first got married only a few weeks latter you get asked so when are you going to have a baby...likes it anyone elses business.

Possums, being an only child too I think we both turned out alright....with the LTTTC journey we have had I think we are just lucky to have the little ones we are blessed with.

xx

[grub17]

yeah nicole, I'm totally with BG - I just (used to) look them right in the eye and give them a very blunt answer "it cost us $17,000 (i didn't mention medicare rebate lol) and 3 years to get DS, popping one out on a whim doesn't come easy to us.'' And then i just stare at them and make em squirm... they usually apologise, leave, change the subject or seem genuinely interested and ask questions - to which i'm more than happy to provide a little education.

i know that's probably pretty rude as most people don't ask to be mean, just nosy, but i figure - like BG again - it might make them think twice before asking again.

I can excuse friends or acquantances who don't know our history (not that we keep it a secret) but for those who should have a clue about the struggles you went through, that really gets me mad!

LOL i also warn all my friends on their wedding day - "now you're married, all you'll be asked about is when are the kids coming. Be prepared!".

[MummyNaomi]

Oh Nic - I feel your pain and I totally understand babe, big hugs to you

The flippant comments people make are just stupid!

As you know we are hoping for Miracle #2 as well and failing a miracle we hope to go down the IVF path again later this year so our baby making days are reliant on my workplace doing well so we get a nice bonus again this year - how ridiculous that our child planning relies on the financial performance of one of Australia's biggest telco's!! (and thats assuming we have success with IVF again)

DOH - Big hugs! It makes me mad for you that some of the people that have asked you this KNOW that Little A is an IVF miracle - I would say that are those same stupid people out there that think one successful IVF cycle 'corrects' the infertility issue so you then go on to have loads of easily conceived babies - Grrr!!!

Love ya
Nay
xxx

[tan32]

I got this all the time. I still get asked if I am going to have anymore, except its now oh you are not going to have anymore are you.

between Dd and DS1 there is 4 yrs 11 months and between the two boys there is 4 yrs 9 months.
This is just how long it took. My eldest is 12 and the youngest is 2. So now I get oh why did you plan such a big age gap, or oh you planned it well. I reply we didnt plan it that way at all, it just took that long to happen. Some people have to wait longer and try harder... I normally get a oh , yeah my so and so has had to have ivf etc..

Big hugs hun , you're not alone and people will always ask you something .

[Nicole S]

Thanks Grub, and congrats on #2 very exciting!!

Mumma Nay I hope we both get a Miracle #2, if not will be following you all the way on your next IVF cycle
BRING on a nice FAT bonus!!

Thanks Tan for making me feel not alone, I guess people just assume if there is a big age gap you choose it ...I think the lesson there is not to assume anything


xx

[saph204]

Nicole if it is any conserlation we have number 2 who just turned 1 and we get asked all the time when are we going to have another. As my pelvis is shot from having 2 boofy boys I just tell them I cant have anymore as they wont be able to put me back together again.

Wishing you all the best for your miracle number 2.

[BOC]

Oh hunny I am soooo with you on this one.

We made it pretty much public knowledge that DS was an IVF bub and yet the buffoons still forget to put brain in gear before opening mouth. Sis in law even started while I was still in a drug-induced haze after my GA caesar.

I hate it I hate it I hate it! And I hate how it's always done in public and in front of a group of people!

I tend to "gently remind" people that it's not so easy to fall pregnant and it's not a matter of saying "ok let's have a baby now" and viola...

maybe i'm mean - i have decided not to be ashamed or hide that DD is an AC bubba, so when someone asks, even someone i don't really know, i ask them when they are going to pay for our treatment!

Yeah I have pulled this one a few times too.

"well, it took 4 years and more rounds of IVF than i care to remember to get this miracle girl, i'm not taking time and money away from her on a maybe, but if you want to be a generous benefactor and pay for unlimited ivf attempts, i'll think about it"

LOVE IT!!! I think this will be my new mantra!

I too hate the "well you know most people who have IVF end up falling naturally the second time right?" type comments. Ummm... isn't it around only 2%?

I'm on the verge of just answering with "none of your bl**dy business!"

[emc2]

I was thinking for some AC you could ask if they'd like to donate their eggs or sperm lmao sorry if that is unfunny. But it might shut them up.

[Nicole S]

LOL BOC another comment that makes me go nuts as well!!

I too hate the "well you know most people who have IVF end up falling naturally the second time right?" type comments. Ummm... isn't it around only 2%?

Cant even count how many times I have been told that!!

I see that you too are praying for a second Miracle, fingers crossed it happens for both of us

[BOC]

Awww thanks hun it would be lovely wouldn't it!

Here's hoping the people around us learn to back off too!

[JBM]

nic it never stops. lol
we had only 21 months between first and second and people still aked us .
we actually had 3 under four and got 2 responses "don't you guys have a tv "or are you guys rabbits. yeah cause sex 3 times in 4 years is a lot ?!!!!
lol
but the same pople then said "don't you want 4""
or don't you want a girl
so it was a bit annoying

and look at us now about to do ivf cycle for the 2nd time, who would have ever thought it ?1

we had the fall preg easi;ly now the ivf/ icsi and i think i have a better understanding of what ivf women go thru and thus never ask these horrible questions.

yeah shut them up with your smart remarks is the answer. it's your life and no one elses.

i forgot to say i love BG's answers for people asking maybe try that. LOL. great job BG. x

good luck to you. x o

[peanutter]

*evil glint*

next time, I dare you to look at them, wide eyed, then ask, "what, now? um, ok ..." and pretend to start undressing.

ninja out.

[Nicole S]

LOL peanutter...that should keep their mouth shut