Why do LTTTCers seem to prefer a c/s?

[Devon]

Brilliant post BW!! I really identify with everything you said.

I have found that I beat myself up for thinking those things, think that I should be so grateful for everything (and I am very grateful to be pg), but you're right - sometimes pregnancy is just hard, and we should be able to have all our feelings acknowledged, even the negative ones.

Really good point too about not having much time to prepare for birth, when you only just start to accept that you might have a baby after you're 20 weeks plus. I am amazed when I see posts about women looking for doulas etc. when they're a few weeks pg, for me I couldn't even contemplate anything other than miscarriage as an end result for at least the first 15 weeks of my pregnancy. I still can't quite believe that it's probably going to work out fine

I'm quite torn between feeling like a 'normal' pg woman who should be able to have a low-intervention birth, and being utterly terrified that something is going to go wrong - sometimes I feel like I'm just waiting for the axe to fall. I think that's why I'm sticking with my ob and private hospital, but also having a doula and being very clear about my birth preferences if all is going well. I'm trying to balance my optimism and my fear.

[Ellie]

BW and Devon...just wanted to say thank you for your wonderful posts. I've been finding it so hard to put into words how I'm feeling and you've both said it...exactly spot on!

[sushee]

just leading back to the original question though, because I've been thinking about this so much lately I'm getting brain drain.

What sorts of services, support networks or information, as a pg LTTTCer (or future pg LTTTCers), would you like to see out there for you? How do we make other pg and parent LTTTCers know they're not alone?

How do we get the message out to women that they need to take back control of their choices, as far as post-LTTTC matters go, such as making informed decisions about their birth, or the way they feed their baby, or the way they parent? Because being infertile/subfertile and the effects of it doesn't just go away when you get that BFP.

Let's pretend I've got a million dollars and an army of counsellors and any other resources at hand, what support would YOU ask me to provide to help you through this? To just be able to speak and have someone listen to what you're saying? To not feel isolated anymore? To have someone work through those deep, dark issues that everyone seems to scared to talk about?

So that you CAN make choices about birth, feeding and parenting that isn't completely influenced by your fear and your anxiety?

[Kmn]

A real-life we-had-to-wait-for-ages-and-now-we-are-pregnant group (like a Mum's group but to start while still pregnant) would have been helpful.

[Ellie]

What do we need?
I guess I've created my own support network since the BFP. I'm lucky to be living in a smallish town which has a great hospital so I can drop in and see the midwives and I have a great GP who also delivers bubs at the hospital. Then I have my private ob in the next BIG town and they have a midwife there too. So having the shared care and understanding of a team of people has been great. My GP has let me drop in whenver I've felt anxious to check bubs heartbeat with the doppler and just to have a chat. I would have gone mad without that. The biggest help has been having someone on the end of the phone (midwives) who don't make me wait...it's just 'come in...how soon can you be here?' All this support has greatly increased my confidence in both myself and this pregnancy. And I'm having some great conversations wbout my birth choices. I've been shown through the birthing suites at both hospitals with no judgement of expectation. I feel really lucky to have people that have genuinely acknowledge the effect this journey has had on me and providing me with a different level of support to counteract the 'fear' that comes with it. The biggest bonus is that I haven't been forced into making any decisions this early on. I have been given time and space to explore this new world of pregnancy and childbirth.

[butterfly_warrior]

Sushee, I'd love to see an end to damaging information being disseminated by the media.

There are two floating around that are making me seriously angry at the moment - the one about "IVF children" being more aggressive, and this one.

So now the media is making us out to be incompetent and stressed out parents whose children will turn out to be aggressive bullies! How does this help?

Probably a little too angry to be coherent at the moment, but I'm loving Kmn's idea - networking, supporting each other - good start!

BW

[Willow]

I'd like to see more follow up from the clinics (or someone!) for new IVF mums. I wasn't a new mum, but I was carrying a lot of emotional baggage by the time DS arrived.

I remember when DS was a few months old and I got the obligatory call from our clinic to see how the birth went, get all our stats etc for their records. The nurse on the phone asked me 'So, did you end up relaxing and enjoying it in the end?' She remembered how anxious I'd been during my prg. This call came at the height of my anxiety/panic attacks and that call made me feel sooooooo awful. I wanted to cry and tell them that I still wasn't OK, that I was a mess and I was screwing everything up, but I knew no one wanted to hear that. They wanted the happy ending. So I gave it to them.

**ETA: BW - just read that second article and have to say that a LOT of those thoughts ring true for me. Don't have time to do a lengthy post about it, but I actually think there might be some truth to it, whether we like it or not.

[sushee]

I agree about the follow-up services for IVFers, I think that's an area that is distinctly lacking. Not necessarily through the clinic, but even if they referred their patients through to some sort of support group.

Or even have a specialised doula service or something similar to the ABA hotline that 'supports' you either by phone or in person through your anxieties.

ETA - about the reports you mentioned BW, the first is just laughable, but the second has some aspects that actually align with some of the things I've said here in this thread. Though as a media/news piece, it doesn't go in depth enough and instead probably ends up depicting IVF women as incapable, neurotic and unrealistic to the public, instead of exploring their real and complex issues with sensitivity.