Sushee, I'd love to see an end to damaging information being disseminated by the media.
There are two floating around that are making me seriously angry at the moment - the one about "IVF children" being more aggressive, and this one.
So now the media is making us out to be incompetent and stressed out parents whose children will turn out to be aggressive bullies! How does this help?
Probably a little too angry to be coherent at the moment, but I'm loving Kmn's idea - networking, supporting each other - good start!
I'd like to see more follow up from the clinics (or someone!) for new IVF mums. I wasn't a new mum, but I was carrying a lot of emotional baggage by the time DS arrived.
I remember when DS was a few months old and I got the obligatory call from our clinic to see how the birth went, get all our stats etc for their records. The nurse on the phone asked me 'So, did you end up relaxing and enjoying it in the end?' She remembered how anxious I'd been during my prg. This call came at the height of my anxiety/panic attacks and that call made me feel sooooooo awful. I wanted to cry and tell them that I still wasn't OK, that I was a mess and I was screwing everything up, but I knew no one wanted to hear that. They wanted the happy ending. So I gave it to them.
**ETA: BW - just read that second article and have to say that a LOT of those thoughts ring true for me. Don't have time to do a lengthy post about it, but I actually think there might be some truth to it, whether we like it or not.
Last edited by Willow; October 22nd, 2008 at 08:23 PM.
I agree about the follow-up services for IVFers, I think that's an area that is distinctly lacking. Not necessarily through the clinic, but even if they referred their patients through to some sort of support group.
Or even have a specialised doula service or something similar to the ABA hotline that 'supports' you either by phone or in person through your anxieties.
ETA - about the reports you mentioned BW, the first is just laughable, but the second has some aspects that actually align with some of the things I've said here in this thread. Though as a media/news piece, it doesn't go in depth enough and instead probably ends up depicting IVF women as incapable, neurotic and unrealistic to the public, instead of exploring their real and complex issues with sensitivity.
Last edited by sushee; October 22nd, 2008 at 09:31 PM.
Sushee, I've seen/read enough to know that there is actually something behind the second article... and enough to make me wonder whether the woman they interviewed really was coping as well as she made out. The frustration came from the fact that they just seemed to want to tell everyone about it, but offer no solutions, no answers, no suggestions. That's where the anger came from. Continue to portray us as "different" and we'll never get anywhere! Offer solutions to make us less different to women who are able to conceive naturally and progress is made. I just have no idea at this stage what those solutions may be. Probably because I really have no idea of what life at that stage will be like.
I like kmn's idea - if fertility clinics could arrange get-togethers of their patients who had recently fallen pg, that would be great.
Or like you said, Sushee - if the clinic could refer you to a support group, that could be really helpful. Especially if it was facilitated by some kind of support worker. I think I would have been interested in that.
I like the doula service idea too, a doula who had some experience of LTTTC or loss herself would be great to talk to.
Same as Willow, i got a call from the clinic just recently (babies are now 6 months), to see if i had a baby... It seems that once they "get you pregnant" they dont want much more to do with you. Its a bit disappointing with the amt of time you spend with them, through blood tests, scans, and heart break. You just get rolled into another number, and they drop you and send you on your way after that first HB check.
I think it would be great to have a support/parent group or even just a pg group, for those who have used IVF/fertility treatment. An IVF pg, i feel, is a very diff journey than a pregnancy that is achieved naturally. I always felt different than my pg friends, i didnt want to but i did. Even though i knew i was so lucky, i did always feel jealous of those around me who fell pregnant at the drop of a hat, even though by this time i was pregnant myself.
Sushee, i would love to think that millions of dollars would help us all, but it still doesnt change attitudes of those around us. How many times i have been asked, are they ivf?? I just wish people could have more of an understanding, and for it to not be so "not normal."
And it would be nice to have a group where we could just chat, discuss aspects of birth choices, feelings and anxieties.
Do you know,. the more i read, the more i feel that the experience of the LTTTC woman is that of the "normally conceiving" woman but MANY TIMES MAGNIFIED.
I had wanted a baby for a long time, but was not ttc because XP didn't want to. When i fell it was a complete accident, but i still felt INCREDIBLY guilty for hating morning sickness. I felt under constant duress to "love and welcome" the baby because she was an accident. When she was born and XP and i split i lost EVERYTHING. And i mean EVERYTHING. My job, my home, most of my friends, my social life, my health (having her sent my thyroid down the toilet for good) EVERYTHING. At some point i remember looking at her as i BF her and thinking "this is all i have now" and feeling desolate and simultaneously that i had WANTED this, LONGED for it, and feeling incredibly guilty for that reason.
Motherhood is so difficult in our society. It is a task we must be impeccably good at and are simultaneously utterly dismissed for.
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