Brilliant post BW!! I really identify with everything you said.

I have found that I beat myself up for thinking those things, think that I should be so grateful for everything (and I am very grateful to be pg), but you're right - sometimes pregnancy is just hard, and we should be able to have all our feelings acknowledged, even the negative ones.

Really good point too about not having much time to prepare for birth, when you only just start to accept that you might have a baby after you're 20 weeks plus. I am amazed when I see posts about women looking for doulas etc. when they're a few weeks pg, for me I couldn't even contemplate anything other than miscarriage as an end result for at least the first 15 weeks of my pregnancy. I still can't quite believe that it's probably going to work out fine

I'm quite torn between feeling like a 'normal' pg woman who should be able to have a low-intervention birth, and being utterly terrified that something is going to go wrong - sometimes I feel like I'm just waiting for the axe to fall. I think that's why I'm sticking with my ob and private hospital, but also having a doula and being very clear about my birth preferences if all is going well. I'm trying to balance my optimism and my fear.