at times like this maybe the only solution is to seek the support of people who know your pain. I can understand that it must be so devestating to hear those unhelpful words of advice and misguided support... but I think sometimes people simply don't know what to say... and they get quite desperate to say something... so they just end up saying the first thing that springs to mind that makes sense to them. Not many people have the gift of empathy outside their own experience... it really is a rare thing... and you know what? You often get it when you experience these kinds of lonely heart-aches. I know it must be hard, but try not to resent those that have all good intention of saying the right thing... but just can't get it right if they love you, like your DH does, then it would upset them too to know that they had made things worse... it really would.

Everyone reacts differently to emotional and physical pain... and I guess it's only my experience and suggestion that, when people don't seem to be 'in tune' to your grief... to try to simply find solace in their intent. Honestly sometimes that's all you can do. From my experience it just hurts more to try to clarify and point out how wrong they are... you know you don't want to fight... it's quite the opposite... you want nuturing. I'm hesitant to tell you how to feel (a common theme for me today it seems!) but I'm just putting another strategy out there for you.

To give another personal example: Once I was stuck as to what to say to my SIL who had just been through the funeral for her 18month old DD.... that she herself had run over and killed. I saw her standing in the corner by herself... I hadn't spoken to her since the accident and I knew it was time... I actually felt a bit panicky... but I stepped forward ... looked her in the eye with what I hoped was an expression of deep caring and compassion... and then just hugged her... I was lost for words. Eventually I said simply that... that I was lost for words... and she said that was ok... but I still felt so inadequate

From someone who has had to take the sympathy "as it comes" too sometimes... I know, I know, I know. But they do love you and they do care.