Dory..... Im really not quite sure what to say. 'Sorry' just seems so terribly inadequate. I read your response a couple of days ago and have been pondering you all weekend. What I find the most amazing is how positive you are. When I read back through the posts you have made and the advice you have given others you are still able to appreciate the little things and look on the bight side. After going through so much, I think you cetainly are an amzing person. I know that from now on, in my moments of doubt, I will definately be thinking of you and your postive outlook.
I've no idea if you are a religious person, but Im sending out lots of prayers/happy thoughts that this time your baby will be strong and healthy enough to survive.
Thanks for sharing your story with me. Its sounds as though you have really made peace with what has happened to your beautiful babies, for which Im glad. I really hope things go well for you this time and Im sending you lots of love and hugs.
Maggie - thankyou, for your kinds words and prayers. You made me change the way I think too. I finally mustered the courage to change my signature and include my angels. So thankyou.
Milly 5- oh sweetie. Such a hard road. Good luck for Saturday - only 2 sleeps to go. Sorry you had food poisioning or a gastro bug.
Sparkles- good work you brave thing on booking the appointment. It takes a lot of courage to actually pick up the phone huh?. It's only 2 weeks - just like being in the 2WW!!! The time will fly, honest. Will be thinking of you and hopefully you're not going too much around the twist!
Bonham - poor thing. Are you able to get any relief? Are you keeping anything down? Have you got some gastrolyte or gatorade handy? I hope you feel like you can cope soon. How are along are you now?
AFM - 11 weeks and 1 day. Amazingly cool. M/S seems to have mostly eased for me. Still comes and goes, but usually only once a day and it's much better than the all day nausea I had. I was so engrossed in BB that I delayed eating. Instead of intense just about to vomit nausea I just have some pretty bad shakes. The shakes will pass as the food digests. How cool is that? Almost like a breakthrough! The next question is whether I will be able to resist having some icecream, as I am still craving a sugar hit after my blood sugar crashed. Thing is on so many levels a sugar hit so soo bad, but OMG I love icecream.
dory: thanks for the ideas, but its not throwing up thats making me feel crap it's just having the nausea stay around all day, i'm still eating/drinking as normal as can me. I'm 9weeks 4 days today.
hi all. I hope you're well. I think I'm updated on the posts, but may have missed a page.
dory - it sounds like stopping work has been a huge benefit for you. your stories of loss are heartbreaking, but the courage and dignity to try agan is awe inspiring
sparkle - I understand the stress leading up to the scan. good luck with it. we had the dr turn the screen off so we couldn't see anything until he checked bub was alive. the relief lasted about 2 weeks before other fears reared their head again.
milly - i still check the TP too I don't think the fear ever stops, it's how we manage it that counts.
hope everyone else is well
not much going on here. still tired every afternoon. yesterday I could feel the bump (small and quite low), today i can't but my boobs seem bigger, so I'm taking that as a good sign. I'm 15wks tomorrow. I've become quite stressed reading a few loss stories recently, so I need to work out a way to manage that. I'm thinking of counselling or working with a doula or someone. We've also ordered a blood pressure monitor so I can keep an eye on my anxiety levels. And we're off to the baby show on the weekend to do some research and hopefully get some bargains
Will try to keep up, but only have time to come during work hours and I really need to get some work done - haven't done much today
sounds like there's lots of nausea going on!
I have now hit "2nd tri" and nausea and vommies are still going strong!
As well as the ginger beer, ginger cordial, etc, I have found for me that some quick "fix its" are: potato chips (recommended by my friend the nurse), and lemonade. Also, I am wearing "seabands" the wrist bands that kids often wear for motion sickness - hasn't quite eased the nausea, but has helped with the urgent projectile vomitting!
It's sad how we are all somewhat quite scared and/or just hanging out for our scans, whereas other people just get to cruise along and enjoy their pregnancies in blissful ignorance.
because we all deserve it! It's going to be a long ride!
Tashy - hope you scored some bargains at the show! Thanks for your kind words. I am not sure if it;s courage or just sheer stubborn determination?
Milly - sorry to hear that you are still so sick. Potato chips helped me a lot when I had unexplained and ongoing nausea a few years ago. I used to think it was a combination of the fat/carbs/salt but I read somewhere the other day that potatoes have vit b12 in them, which is suposed to help relieve nausea.
Maggie - if you can't complain here where can you complain? Besides nausea and vomitting are not pleasant, for anyone. We just try to convince ourselves that it is something positive to help us get through.
MissK - I am so sorry for the loss of your little man
Angel #2 was a natural m/c (no D&C) so I was told to wait after one normal AF (if AF was not normal, would be a sign that there may have been retained tissue). For Angel #1 I had a D&C, so was told to wait 3 months for the lining to be thick enough again. Mine were also earlier than yours (in the 9th week). Hope that helps.
I saw my ob today, and he said it was likely that because I was still so sick after 12 weeks that I would probably be one of the lucky ones who are sick till 16 weeks (YAY??). I am so over the vommies... Like Maggie said, I feel guilty for feeling bad about feeling sick, but at the same time, I really don't want to feel sick anymore (but am scared to wish that incase it means not being pg), but then also everytime I vomit it's kind of reassuring, so in a way I don't want it taken away either
Milly - Im sorry you're still so sick but i can sympathise with all of it. The potato chips, lemonade and seabands... Im doing all the same, with the addition of grapefruit. I feel so stupid complaining about it, as the minute I feel even slightly better I start to question how its all going. I really hope you get some relief soon.
Tashybabe - hope you are managing to relax and enjoy things a little more.
Sparkles - sending you positive thoughts for your 12 week scan approaching.
Dory - hope you are still hanging in there and staying positive. I think about you every day.
AFM - We have made it to 8 weeks, which I am thrilled about. Had a scan today to check all was okay and little peanut was there, heat beating away nicely. What more could I want? Such a relief but so stressful. The minute I walked into the ultrasound office and the smell (pleasant, but distinct in my memory bank) hit me, I almost burst into tears. We are so lucky to have our 2 beautiful girls, but even those successful pregnancies have been frought with problems. Almost weekly scans, always with a question mark hanging over our heads, has really impacted on me. Luckily the staff are really lovely and very gentle and understanding after what we've been through. So far everything for us is seeming "normal" which is really rather strange!! We are sooo happy, but sooo not used to it! Still waiting for the complications, when we should really just sit back and relax. Perhaps i should stop poking my boobs every 5 minutes and checking the loo paper?.....old habits die hard!
I'm Emma, I have a 3yo DD (Gaby), and have had 4 1st trimester losses (10w4d in 2001, 5w4d in 2005, 8w0d in 2007 & 6w1d in 2008)... I am now 25 weeks pregnant with another little girl (Emersyn), and am starting to feel more confident about this pregnancy, though it hasn't really been straightforward, due to a couple of high risk factors (epilepsy, episodes of random bleeding)... Right now I'm feeling my baby girl kicking very hard, so that is really reassuring for me... I've decided this is going to be my last pregnancy, because I cannot handle the anxiety of pregnancy again... everyday is a battle for me, and it's not good for me, or my daughter... I have an anxiety disorder, and pregnancy makes it 50,000x worse! I'll be having a tubal ligation when Emersyn is born (I'll be having a repeat c/s with her, so they'll do it at the time)... My loss in 2007 was an ectopic & I lost my right fallopian tube, so there is only one tube for them to tie anyway, lol.
anyway... hello to everyone, I hope your pregnancies are progressing well!
HPL - you are true to your name. Very positive post. I am very glad that you've got your visit booked in and have had some reassuring news from them about being able to scan more frequently. A lot of the reading I have done said that TLC and offering scans for reassurance from caregivers is one of the best things they can offer women who have suffered loss.
I agree, it can get you down sometimes reading posts where people are struggling, and sometimes I wonder whether being glum has a self perpetuating effect? I have been thinking about that a lot lately and wondering whether I also need to balance the experiences I read about here in BB with experiences where people haven't experienced loss and bereavenment, to give me something else to think about and hope for.
But then I remind myself that in these forums, are some of the only places that BB'ers will express their most intimate thoughts and fears. Some are able to share their fears and anxiety' with others generally, but for some, this place is safe and supportive or its maybe even the place where they experiement articulating their thoughts.
Honestly, if I told people half the stuff that went on inside my head, they would grow tired of listening and they would unduly worry about me. Fortunately the cats are very good listeners! But in here, I can express how I feel and am supported by people who have walked diferent paths but know the journey of grief and bereavement all too well.
For me, most of the time, I am strict with myself and spend time each day being thankful for the blessing of this pregnancy this day. I am the only one who has the "power" to make the most of today. The only things I can control is how I perceive things. No one else can do it for me and I can't wait around for a magic date, because there are none for me. I can't worry too much about what tomorrow might bring, or what experiences I have in the past. This pregnancy, is a new pregnancy and this day is a new day. It sounds trite and simplistic I know, but it works for me. I still have days I struggle and am scared out of my wits. But I have so much to be thankful for.
Emma - sorry to hear you are doing it so tough with your anxieties. We each have to find our own way through them, and often it ain't perfect. Congrats on your pregnancy too and reaching so far along! And good news to ehar your baby girl is a kicker. It must be very reassuring. Welcome too - it will be good to hear from you. How are those autumn colours in Christchurch? There are some really amazing ads on the telly over here at the moment for NZ, and there was one recently which showed autumn colours. Just stunning.
Maggie, Tashybabe, Sparkes, Elise, MissK, how are you doing?
Just a quick one, I have been laying low, but can start getting excited now!!
I has my 12 week ultrasound yesterday and all is well!!! Bub's is measuring perfect to dates, rolling around and then not rolling around when they went to take the NT measurement!! All clear for the NTD Anencephaly which we lost our baby to last time as well!!YAY!!!
Bub did finally roll over and awesome measurement of 1.5mm or something, combined with blood my risk is 1:3800 and 1:31590 for both things the test for. They laughed as this puts my risk at that of a 15 year old.
Sorry about the ME post, but DH are I are soo relieved!! I will catch up on posts now and try to stay in the loop a bit more!!!
xx
HI ladies,
here for my "weekly pop in".
Yep, I have decided that I just can't do it after work, so my chance to catch up with all my BB is on my day off!
Dory - I was thinking of you yesterday, how did it go? and how soon do you get your results? For what it's worth, I completely understand your decision, and I am keeping everything crossed for you!!!!
Oh and the emotional eater - me too
Elsielouise - yes MS is supposed to be a good sign, my GP thought it was fantastic how sick I was LOL!
Snugglybean - mm the work decision, I know that one, we are wondering the same thing. I have decided to stick it out (though I do wish I'd taken time off in weeks 9-11 when the MS was at it's absolute most horrible). We could do without the money in the short -medium term, but I will need to go back at some point, and if I leave then I might not have a job to go back to. So at this stage I am thinking of starting mat leave about 6 weeks before due date, and if things get too much, cutting back my hours. I have already said I can no longer do the long drives as they really wipe me out.
And the first trimester - well, I didn't enjoy it, I didn't get to feel happy and excited, just scared sh%#*less all the time. And it did seem to drag on forever, so I do hear you when you say 'how will I get through this' - the answer though, is you just do. And then at somepoint you will begin to feel excited and happy. For me it has taken to almost now. I hadn't even realised I'd entered the second trimester, because I was still too busy panicking!
Welcome Kermit, and congratulations!!!! I think it's normal to feel a bit conflicted, and I do beleive that you can grieve your angel while welcoming and being excited about your new bub, they are both valid emotions
Emma - :wave:
Millyd - another Milly!! :wave:
Thanks TK for sharing Bonham's news! Yay Bonham!!!
AFM - well now 16 weeks and I can finally say that this week the MS is starting to settle. I still start the day with a vommie, but I can cope with that, and usually have a bout of nausea mid morning & mid afternoon (good excuse to have biccies and potato chips for mornng/afternoon tea), but apart from that, I haven't had too many other vommies (unless I've been for a long drive), and, the even better news, is that I can eat! still quite plain food, but "food glorious food" none-the-less! There are still a few things that I can't come at (eg BBQ meat - my DH fave), but my DH and I have eaten dinner together all week now - the first time since about 6 weeks I think! And my vitamins stay down - I hope spud can still make use of them and it's not too late!
hi girls - thankyou for thinking of me and your words of support. The procedure went really well yesterday. I coped with not eating or drinking for 12 hours, something I thought would be impossible and wasnt sick from the anaesthetic. Feel a bit dusty today, but the bad insomnia I had last night wouldn't help there. Not too much pain or cramping and not too much bleeding. Some weird flushing of my skin around my chest, but no raised temperature or any other symptoms so I am not worried. I am lightheaded but its a common side affect apparently. Felt on top of the world after being discharged from hossy but a bit less so today. Dr was really happy with the procedure and said I could eat chocolate as its good for me. Bring on easter.
I don't have much to offer in the way of persies, but Milly5 - so glad you can finally break the shackles of m/s and can keep some glorious food down! Take care all.
Can certainly identify with all the sickness, and although I wouldn't wish it on anyone, its so nice to know I'm not alone. So easy to feel that way when you're layed on the bathroom floor at all hours of the day and night. I am finding the nausea so difficult - I feel really bad complaining about it as i so desperately want my baby, plus I know that if it wasn't there i would be so scared about what was wrong. Just can't win! Its so awful though!! I have consumed so much ginger recently. the taste alone now makes me want to vomit! Argh....
Miss K - Im so sorry about your loss. My misscarriage was much earlier than yours (10 weeks) and I think we waited about 2 months before trying again. At the time we recieved lots of advice to wait 3 months, but I read recently that's not neccesary. Before worrying too much about that, I would get yourself emotionally ready first... its such a long journey. Good luck.
For everyone else, Im sending you lots of happy thoughts. Hope all the impending scans go well and the sickness is the perfect balance of just enough to stop you worrying, but not so much to be ghastly unpleasant. Sending of lots of hugs.
MissK sorry to hear of your loss. My mc too was alot earlier than yours (7 weeks) but lots of different people will give you differing advice. My doctor said to wait one cycle, some say 3 months and others say just wheneva you are ready, emotionally & physically. I think unless there is a medical reason why you cant straight away i think that would be fine. Hope that helps hun
I don't think the fear ever stops, it's how we manage it that counts.
because we all deserve it! It's going to be a long ride!
Found out via ultrasound. I was induced and had my man. 
I really hope you get some relief soon. 
What more could I want? Such a relief but so stressful. The minute I walked into the ultrasound office and the smell (pleasant, but distinct in my memory bank) hit me, I almost burst into tears. We are so lucky to have our 2 beautiful girls, but even those successful pregnancies have been frought with problems. Almost weekly scans, always with a question mark hanging over our heads, has really impacted on me. Luckily the staff are really lovely and very gentle and understanding after what we've been through. So far everything for us is seeming "normal" which is really rather strange!! We are sooo happy, but sooo not used to it! Still waiting for the complications, when we should really just sit back and relax. 
Sending of lots of hugs.
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