Forshelby. You have been through such a traumatic experience its completely understandable you feel the way you do. With DD i had her 3 weeks early by c-section, i had lost all my fluid and she was really distressed when she came out. My body wasnt ready and i had trouble with my milk coming in. DD was kicking down the crib she was hungry and the way she came out she was so distressed. I couldnt feed her and i had hundreds of mw telling me what to do and all there different opinions and rules. I had hundreds if woman seeing my boobs and touching my boobs and prodding me and telling me what to do....while dd is getting hungrier and more distressed. So i was pumping, feeding, bottle feeding, using this line thing, nipple shelds.....etc etc etc I had a nightmare of a time in hospital and a horrible time when i went home. She was exactly the same as Axel and very unsettled and then later on i also found out i had post natal. I was a first time mum at 31 and was so used to my friends and partying and having that life style it was a huge shock to me when i couldnt even go to the toilet....

A few things to maybe could help combat some of these things..... would be to speak to you're nurse. I cant think what there called here, but i had a nurse come and check DD after hospital and she gave me a questionair aboout how i felt....and when i expressed how i was feeling and i was having trouble feeding and DD sleeping etc she got me an appointment and i actually went in there to see another nurse and ended up having a day stay with them then an over night stay and then they sent me to free facility were i stayed for two weeks and they helped with sleeping, feeding, and discovered i had post natal so i got on tablets and counseling etc. I still had trouble when i got home with DD for months and months and didnt feel connected but eventually it got heaps better.

I'm not saying thats what you have, but maybe you need to talk to the nurse or maybe go to the dr's and speak to someone just to rule things out. You could also take axel to a peditrician (omg i am having one of those cant think days...is that what there called) to rule out if anything is wrong with him.

Maybe its the wrong formula and you might need to try a few even though its costly something might not be agreeing with him....When i was having trouble feeding they said to make sure that they stayed awake while feeding by waking them up ect so they have a full feed..and you can also do top up feeds 1/2 hr after they have fed. DD used to arch her back, sometimes warm water would do the trick...or having them lay on you're arm head at you're hand and bum up you're arm and pat or carry around....or over you're lap....or laying them on there back and rolling there feed and legs around and pushing them up to there tummy....that would also help... and there is stuff you can try from the chemist which can be a life safer as well. Go to the chemist and explain and they will give you the different options.

Tiredness can cause all sorts of problems, can DH take axel out for a few hours between feeds or even fed him......so you can be at home alone and get some sleep and cant hear him crying etc. Maybe a bit of rest might make a bit of difference..

Believe me forshelby you're not a bad mum at all....with everything you have been through and a new baby its totally understandable..and if you dont like talking to people...maybe read on line or get some reading about all this stuff.

Unforunately a few times i just lost it and did yell at dd...i went through some bad times and wanting to yell and scream at her etc and felt so horrible....but unfortunately you cant help it..things get a bit too much..... when you have those times put him down, go outside to the front or back yard for a few minutes and take a breather have a scream have a cry whatever..even if he is crying leave him and put him in his crib..he will be ok, or give him to DH and go for a quick walk, ring someone to chat too, make a tea, just do something to distract you're self for a minute.......

I am thinking of you and hope things settle for you soon..if you need to chat let me know..



Cheezlemonster..Its a reall good sign with having bad MS, so at least thats one thing!!!! and its hard getting past those milestones but once you do you will feel so much better and closer to having you're healthy bub..i know i hated those scans and i had a few due to bleeds etc..i would panick every time i went there even up to the 20 week scan, my heart would race and i would be a nightmare and i would panick everytime he checked for a hb......all i can say is do you're best to try and distract yourself and keep you're self busy so you're minds a bit occupied.....i tried not to read the loss stories for a little while too because i would get so upset and so scared...