Hello everyone!
Well in a couple of weeks we have our 19 week scan where we might be able to find out the sex of our bubba! But, here's the problem - I don't think i want to know, but DH definately does want to know
With DS I we did find out he was a he, and after I knew i felt much closer and bonded stronger with him. I was felt like he had an identity rather than an "it" and we could name him etc. Prior to that i felt like a pregnant woman... after that i felt like i was carrying a baby - if that makes any sense?!
This time is different, i already feel that bond with my child i am carrying, and I don't feel like I need to know what gender it is. I don't think i'll be disapointed either way, although I would like a girl, a boy has lots of advantages!! And I like the idea of Evan having a little brother!
DH wants to find out and he reckons he won't let it slip. But that's not the point, i want it to be a surprise for BOTH of us. And plus, i doubt he could really keep that secret from his best friend who would want to know, and he would def slip!
The other thing is we have agreed we only want 2 children, so this is my last chance to do things differently iykwim.
What do you think? Anyone else had similar issues?? It is a weird situation for us, because usually i'm the impatient one and DH is more relaxed and takes things as they come. Why can't he wait another 20 weeks????
U sound like me just before my 19wk scan. My DH didn't want to find out and i was happy with that but then i changed my mind and really wanted to know cause im the impatient one and want to have everything ready (if it was a girl i wanted to get girly things, already have plenty of boy things). So we changed our mind while in having the scan... We spent most of the time during the scan saying to each other 'u decide, no u decide!' in the end i said to him i'm carrying the baby so he can decide if we find out or not! The lady doing the scan thought we were funny and settled it for us by telling us we're having another little man. If we go for a 3rd i think we will leave it as a surprise as u said being the last time it would be nice to do things differently and have a surprise. It is a hard decision whether to find out or not cause once u do u can't just 'forget' it!
Also DH asked if she could write down the sex but she said she's not allowed to but can just tell me and not him... Don't know why that is... If u can get them to write it down for u maybe u could do that and put it away til u decided if u want to know or not. Do u have any feelings of what sex bubs may be? I had a feeling i was carrying another boy even tho this pregnancy is completely different to my first.
Good luck!!
we ended up finding out, but we have not told anyone that we know let alone what it is... it is kinda nice to have our own little secret...
someone else posted a similar q and i really liked the idea that this is something your DH can decide since so much of the pregnancy is focused on us women.... if th sonographer would tell only him he could find out and you could find out from him or have a surprise...
With DD i didnt want to know... got to the scan and wanted to... buy she had other ideas, so we never found out. I loved not knowing.
This time i sooooo wanted a boy and knew id be shattered if i got another girl... so we found out. DH didnt want to know... but he had little choice....so we now know.. and only a few close friends know what we are having
Toughie, isn't it? I would say have him rate how important it is to find out the gender and you do the same (except, how important is it that it's a surprise for you). I agree if one knows, both of you should know, or it should be a surprise for both of you. But if it means more to you that you don't know than it means to him to know, perhaps he'd be willing to compromise, and vice versa. IYKWIM?
If you do find out, maybe you could keep it a secret and tell everyone you didn't, that way you still have the surprise factor with everyone else when bub is born.
DH and I decided we didnt wantt oknow last time until we got to the scan and we caved in, however Tori had her elgs crossed so we couldnt find out. This time I really wanted to find out but now I am startign to wonder if Iwould like another suprise. Decisions Decisions! I guess it comes down to you and DH nutting it out between you, maybe ask him why it is so important to find out and you can tell him why you want it to be a suprise and see if you can come to an agreement once you have each given you reasons for wanting/ not wanting to know.
I found out yesterday that i am not only having identical twins - but two beautiful boys!! OMG i was relieved that i finally can relate to them as a gender rather than "they". Its different i imagine as there is two of them and they are our first. What a shock though that they are going to look the same!! My advice is that if you dont want to know keep going down that path. I also caved in saying i dont want to know till the end and i found out yesterday on my 18 week scan. Had to get mum to leave the room though as wanted to tell hubby first b4 mum, but Dr told me she was standing outside the room door - shifty - lucky the Dr looked. She told me that all Greek mums are like this - so we all had a good giggle when mum knew she was caught out. So anyway told hubby first and then mum and dad - Classic. Do what you think is right sweety. You can always change your mind!!
We're finding out bubs gender in the next few weeks, but mainly because it's our first, plus the first grandchild for both families... but i said to DP that when we have our next bub, i want to keep it a suprise and not find out!
If you're absolutely set on not finding out, talk to DH about how you feel - being your last baby etc, and if he won't budge, just think you'll find out eventually anyway, sooner or later As long as you get to hold that healthy screaming bubba at the end!
we found out with DS. DH wanted a surprise but i really wanted to find out casue i really wanted a girl and wanted to sort out any gender disappointment issues before the birth (there were no issues when i saw his boy bits on the screen i couldn't have cared less that he wasn't a girl) DH ended up agreeing and we found out. We both loved knowing as we were able to bond with bub more easily and imagining life with bub was more real IYKWIM.
With our next pg (if we are that lucky) we will be having a surprise bub, just so we can experience the surprise at the birth. i know i will find it extremely hard not to know cause i am very impatient, but the surprise at the end will be worth it i reckon.
Another way to look at it is, if you do want to find out, bub may have its legs crossed, and also they can never be 100% right about the sex, so a surprise at the end is probably better anyway, at least then you can be sure.
We're onto our third and have found out each time.... DH and I both always want to know and like to be psychologically prepared; I think you subconsciously, if not overtly, guess what you will be having and so its good to get used to what to expect so you don't get your hopes up or anticipate the wrong gender.
With my second-born, there was actually another reason it was good that we had found out we were expecting a girl, as when she unexpectedly had to be delivered by emergency c-section at 27 weeks, it was useful for the medical team to know as statistical risks are a little different according to gender at that stage.
I have been tempted a number of times to find out this time. The first time I didn't and I know if I really wanted to know I'd just ask my obs as he has done an ultrasound and knows etc. BUT - we both decided that there are really very few TRUE suprises in life and this is definatly one of them. The only reason i was tempted was because we have a boys name and couldn't decide on a girls name, we were miles apart there. So at 20 weeks we decided that if that was the only reason we needed to know then we didn't really need to because if this baby is a girl then we still had 20 weeks to find a name and even then we would never be truly stuck - in other words we would find a name we both loved eventually. We have decided on a first name and have a few ideas for a middle name if it's a girl so it's all worked out . I also thought I have nutral colour clothing for the first few weeks and then if I need boys clothing I can go out and get a few things and if the baby is a girl I won't need to. It is amazing how many friends ask if we know what we are having and when I say no they smile and say 'yes you do'. I have no idea why. I just don't need to know yet - I can't wait until our bundle arrives and I know I won't be disappointed either way!
I've always said that I never wanted to know if its a boy or a girl. I don't want to know til its kicking and screaming in my arms! I'm not sure if we were to have a 2nd one (let me get thru this one first) if I'd find out - I don't think I'd want to, but dh says he'd want to find out with #2. Possibly yes, if this ones a boy coz we had soo much trouble with a name!
Good luck and congratulations with your pregnancy!
LG you say that one of the reasons that you don't want to find out is that you already feel bonded to the baby - what about your DH?
maybe that's why he wants to find out so much, I means it's not like he gets to experience even a fraction of what you get to go through.
I'm not saying you should just give in, but... you should consider the extent to which your partner wants to know and perhaps the reasons behind it before making your decision.
Berry - that's a good point that you raised.... re: being psychologically prepared, having thoughts its a girl all along when it's actually a boy etc etc... i kinda agree with you there... DF and I have been talking about whether or not we will find out and I think we will end up finding out... in another thread recently i said no i won't but i think we will now... thats what we are leaning towards anyway... you can be prepared to buy clothes etc....ready before bubs is born... and also about the c/s with risk etc you were talking about...
Does anyone know.... if the sonographer tells you it's a boy, is it 100% accurate? or 99% accurate??? Does anyone know? if they say its a boy, i'll go out and buy all boy clothes and nothing else... but what if they are wrong????
Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts and helping me make this decision
I've been thinking a lot about why I'm not keen on finding out the sex. I think it's because if i find out now that it's another boy i will be a teeny tiny be disapointed - not hugely devestated in that i'd need time to "get over it" or anything. But I also know, from my birth experience last time that once I'm holding my little baby, I won't care less what gender it is. So if i find out at that time, i know i won't feel any disapointment.
misty, I see your point about DH may not feel that bond, and in fact i'm sure he doesn't as he can't feel baby moving yet at all, despite all the times with his hand on my belly waiting for something to happen. And if he really really wants to know then i'll respect that, so long as he doesn't tell ANYONE. LOL i know that won't happen!
Renstar, no it's not 100% accurate. It all depends on the way the baby is lying, the experience of the sonographer, quality of the machine etc etc. And in fact i know of 2 cases - one where they were told boy and ended up getting a girl, and another vice versa. But i imagine that if they say boy that is more likely to be correct because you have to assume they've seen the penis.
In terms of the surprise factor, i've always argued that its a surprise whether we know now or at the birth, it's just different times.
It looks like DH won't be able to make it to the scan this time anyway, so i guess it all depends on me! It doesn't bother me that he won't be there. It would've done last time, but i'm more relaxed this time around, and i figure if he really wanted to be there he'd make the appt (which is also what i think about if he really wanted to know B or G). I could get the sonographer to write it down and put it in the envelope, but i can't imagine having it sitting there and not peeking!! If it's not written down, i just have to be strong during the scan, but if it's written down and then DH knows I'll have to be really really strong for a long time... and i know i probably won't make it!
LG that is such a good point you made, about perhaps being dissapointed now, but not once you are holding the bub. Maybe DH will understand if you tell him that.
I know i couldn't handle my dh knowing and me not, or the other way around.
One in all in i say!
We didn't find out, i wanted to, but only bc i am impatient. But if i knew i couldn't keep the secret, even shopping with a friend, i would look more at one sex clothes than the other.
As an adult, there arn't alot of surprises left, so we decided to leave this surprise as long as possible!
Renstar- an experienced sonographer is 100% accurate, a less experienced one can easily make a mistake. When i say 100%, if they can't see for one reason or another they can't see, rather than having an educated guess!
I have asked a few sonographers, and they all tell me the same! (I work in medical imaging if you're wondering why i know sonographers!!!)
i didnt with my first, but with this one I am. I have my 20 week ultrasound on my sons birthday, so if baby is good I will be able to find out if bub is a boy or girl.
Finding out the gender
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