please don't judge..just need some advice

[first_time_mummy]

I just wasnt thinking.
we were out at dinner, and i had a wine while we were there (only one, i swear)
On the way home, he insisted on driving, as he was worried about the wine i had, and didnt want anything bad to happen to me. So i let him drive, but while were driving, i simply asked him to slow down and keep to the limits, as my car is only insured in my name, and if anything happened, i wouldnt be covered...this made him get fired up, he thought i was nagging, but i was stressing more than anything, as i have always been the driver, and have a phobia of being a passnger in a car.

The more he got angry, the more fired up i became, and we ended up screaming at each other, the whole way home.
He was then, deliberately revving the engine, and tailgating everyone, not to mention driving over to the edge of the road heaps.

I was screaming at him to let me out...and he was just yelling back at me. I got to a point where i snapped, and actually slapped him in the face. (which i have nevver done!)

I then got out of the car, and started walking, i was balling my eyes out.

He followed me in the car, and told me to gt in, so he could take me home, but i refused....so he spun my car round and did this massive burn out up the road (I was furious, as i love my car)

I ended up just walking to our nearest shop, and bought a bottle of wine, and just drank.

Terrible i know, but it made me feel better, not in a drunken alco way, but just in a 'get-back' way. I felt like it would scare him into realising how bad i could go.

When he seen the bottle, he got angry (which i guess is a good thing), he told me that was a terrible thing to be doing...and this made me think it was getting to him, so i thought i was winning.
We had another big fight, where things were broken...he broke an ashtray and the glass door on my tv cabinet. Not to mention, the driveway was all torn up by his burnouts.

Next morning i woke up, and realised how silly the whole fight was, i felt like my hormones prob got me into more trouble than usual.

I waiting on an apology call from him, but nothing...i ended up calling him...which made me mad, but its what needed to be done to make the peace.

I really feed terrible about the whole thing, but its definately not an on-going thing, and i dont wanna go to my midwife or doc, cause then i seem like some hopeless mother, who is going to be depressed and drinking all the time
Cause thats definately not the case

[grub17]

oh firsttimemummy, take care of you.
like the others have said, so long as it was a one-off i think bubs will be okay. I'm more concerend about you! sounds like your partner needs a sitting down and a good talking to.

like someone else said, being pregnant isn't a free pass to be painful - but he NEEDS to realise that you need love and support and not pettiness. You have a medical reason for going a bit crazy (believe me i've been there too)with all the hormones and changes you are copoing with, what's his?

i'm not sure the "getting back at him'' by hurting yourself policy is the best choice tho hun. sounds like you both need to sit down for a long chat on resolving conflict.

there's not much you can do about either of your behaviours BUT you can choose to learn from it. So maybe it happened for a reason cos once bub arrives, it's a different ball game.

I hope you can sort it and bothfeel you've moved onto a better place in your relationship.

[first_time_mummy]

thats what i was saying to him last night...we were sitting down having a snuggly make up night, and i asked him whether we're going to be okay?
He asked what i meant, and i told him im stressing now that things will get worse after bub is born, ...you know, arguement, fights etc.

He said we'll be fine, as long as when one of us start getting hot headed, we let the other one know, so we can sit down and talk about it, rather than yelling at each other like crazy baboons...lol

I hope he is right.
Lately ive been getting very lonely and upset, as he works 6 1/2 days a week, and leaves at 7am, and gets home at 6pm....i feel like i only see him for 2-3 hours a day, cause we go to bed at 9pm.

All day i feel cooped up in a big house, with nothing to do but housework, and watching the clock..

Im soo scared that this will become worse, when im stuck at home in a big empty house, with so much work to do, and a screaming bub.

[organicem]

Oh hun, I am sure your bub will be fine but to get it out of your system drink heaps of water (add lemon juice if you can stand the taste).

[Visitor8]

hun that sounds like a terrible thing to go through. I have been there, an ex was driving really fast when I had the 2 older boys in the car (they were 1 and 2) and I told him to slow down, he got cranky and went faster and I was so scared for us I sat there bawling. I slapped him too but it just made him more angry. It is terrifying when you aren't in control and there is nothing you can do. He is a d!ck for putting you through that!

Maybe try some councelling? No arguments should end up with broken things and screaming. They should be discussed and if it gets too heated, walk away and take it back up when your both calm. One thing I found helped with my ex's was if something REALLY ****ed me off, I would leave it until later, when we were both snuggling up or laying in bed chatting and bring it up in a way that wasn't attacking them.
Like saying "it scares me when we're going really fast in the car", that way your not saying YOU scare me when YOU drive like an idiot (even though that is what happened) They are more likely to accept your feelings then accept critisism you know? Men are hot headed at the best of times.

[Phteven]

I really feed terrible about the whole thing, but its definately not an on-going thing, and i dont wanna go to my midwife or doc, cause then i seem like some hopeless mother, who is going to be depressed and drinking all the time
Cause thats definately not the case

Talking to Dr or Middy doesn't make you seem like a hopeless Mum. Quite the opposite in fact - it makes you seem like a self-aware mother who is smart enough to recognise a potential problem and step up before it grows into something worse.
I read somewhere that most couples don't seek counseling until it is pretty much too late. It's worth stepping on problems before they get out of control.

[krysalyss]

Hi there. Firstly big hugs. We are always hardest on ourselves.
Drinking is risky - you already know that But the fact remains there is nothing you can do now, except prevent it happening in the future. I agree with Brontide that you need to see someone to talk through how you are feeling. It sounds like there are quite a few issues you need to talk through. Seeking help does not reflect badly on you - everyone feels out of their depth sometimes and when you are pg or even after baby is born all of these new feelings develop. Would you think badly of anyone else who needed to see a counsellor? I consider myself to be a well-educated, well-adjusted person with a reasonable support network - I had ante-natal and post-natal depression and had to see a psychologist/dr/counsellor at both times. Now is the time to get some help.
Secondly - yes drinking can be very dangerous to your unborn child but what about the dangerous driving your partner showed? I would be furious over his lack of regard for you child's wellbeing. It was very irresponsible.
Good luck with it all and big hugs.

[first_time_mummy]

I always say that the best way to stop a massive arguement is to just walk away, or leave the room.
But dp thinks very differently of this...he says when i walk away, that im 'running away' from the situation.

I get so upset and angry that i usually just get in my car and go for a little drive somehwere, to clear my mind. But no doubt, when i get back, i get an earbashing, as to why i run away from problems, rather than sit down and talk.
The thing is, dp and i are both so hot headed and ****ie, that we oth think were right, and the fight ends up unresolved, because none of us want to be the one to apologise.

I have to admit, we did have a lot o fights when we first moved in together a year ago. We had only been together 3 months (if that) and moving in together, caused its ripples.

But we were fine since, and its only been these last few months that the arguments have returned. Me being pg, i too get very emotional over small things, and it doesnt help that im usually quiet emotional, even before falling pregnant.

[Lulu]

Maybe you can make a deal, that you both leave the situation when its getting to yelling point and return to a normal conversation in an hour or so. That way you can both clear your heads, and still get it sorted.

xoxoxo

[dust]

i dont quite understand in one post it sounded like you were upset and thats why you drank and then in another you mention the drinking again to punish him (not the bubs) in a way. What you both had forgotten was that there's a lil precious person dependant on you both in the middle of this.(it wouldn't hurt to read some sort of relationship book or have a go and make up some rules for arguments for now to practice for when the bub is born) You both didnt choose the right actions, its done and its time to think of a way to handle it better next time. Figure what went wrong and work on how to not repeat it again.

I completely understand that its hard to focus when you are so highly pg emotional. My DH is the same in that if i walk away, he takes it badly (doesn't raise voice or get aggressive) but he takes it as if im running away from him and the problem (which of course, i am!! I hate being confronted! I'd rather be in another room with time to run it all thru my head, before i respond) i'm unable to think clearly when im busy being all upset. Its something im working on, cutting the emotional crap and thinking, responding and working on a solution.

DH also appreciates it when im pg that i remind him often of what mood i am in. lol.. that way DH knows why i go off the deep end at him for asking me whats for dinner.. or why i cry if he says something the girls have done.. i am a emotional basketcase when im pregnant!! it just gives him peace of mind that i'm not mad/upset at him for some other reason.

Sounds like your guy is into communication, which is awesome. You just need to find a way not to come across like you aren't attacking him and vice versa i think. Plus he needs to understand that breaking things is not a means to getting a point of view across, venting or otherwise. If he does get hot headed the best thing is to tell him that your willing to talk it out if he calms down and if he can't, that you guys have a time out and put the oven timer on for 10mins. When it goes off, meet up and see if you can talk it thru a bit better. hugs!!!!

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

No matter what you do during pregnancy you always wonder 'what if', it's not the most ideal things for the bub 2 be but a once of thing shouldn't be an issue but def see your GP if you think something is wrong.

I didn't even know i was pregnant with Ava until after a MASSIVE Australia Day weekend, i had definately wiped myself out that weekend and upon finding out about Ava i was so stressed i had done her some harm but she is here and she is perfect (in my opinion ).

Try not to stress yourself out, take care of yourself and make sure no more binges, maybe a chat with DP about stress levels etc may be in order aswell.

GL with it all