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[BellyBelly]

moving to pregnancy - second trimester general discussion

[Adnil]

Emma,

I am so in awe of you and your DH in the decision you have made. I know it must have been so difficult for you, but your little Abby is going to give you a lifetime of joy in return. You will make wonderful parents, there is no doubt. remember that we all here for you for any support you need along the way.

Big hugs to you

[Lulu]

Emz, that little girl is healthy and happy kicking away in there and it seems she is letting you know. Big deal if the chromosomes aren't exactly right.
She will be born because of the magic of you and DP and everyone will love her, but no one as much as you. If there is Downs, it will be secondary to the fact that she is your very own baby girl.

Abby is a beautiful name and she has chosen her parents wisely.

Good luck with everything, see you around the forum!

[angel_eyes]

Emma you and your hubby are extremely brave and I take my hat off to the decision you've made.

I could not imagine what it would be like to be faced with such a decision.

Thinking of you.....

[Ness_SA]

Emz & Tim

Sorry I've only just seen the thread.

Your post has made us both cry & smile at the strenght and courage you have found to make a decision. Our thoughts & wishes are with you both at this time. :hugs:

Abby is a beautiful name and is blessed with amazing parents

Nes & Steve :hugs:

[Juliette]

Just posting to say that I'm thinking of you today Emma.

Hopefully the test will tell you all that you're hoping to hear. If it turns out that Abby has downs syndrome, it is great to know that you have all that support around you.

I have a couple of friends with downs syndrome, and I have to tell you that they absolutely light up my life. I don't even see their disability anymore.

[mysterygirl]

Emma i am sitting here all teary - (darn pg hormones) you are an amazing person and Tim sounds like a fabulous guy too - you have an amazing strength and i know that the two of you will make the most wonderful parents to Abby - good luck for the tests and will be thinking of you while you are waiting for the results - i just hope that i have as much strength as you do if i ever have to be in that position...

[JOJA]

Huge hugs Em xxx

[lovemybubs]

Again, thank you all so much. I would like to get some more info of those of you that have known people in this position and those that know people with downs and have offered support. Im going to leave it a little while first- so if you get an email of me in a week or 2 time, remember its me! 8-[

Im glad you all like the name Abby (Abbey, Abbie- undecided!)

Well, today was a great day. Not for the reasons you are hoping for tho.

I spent the day with my mum and dad and sister and her kids. I told them of my decision to keep our little one (what decision!?) and they were all so happy and glad that she is here to stay. From what they have said, the hardest thing out of all this was not the downs, it was the thought that they might have to say goodbye to her soo soon when they all lover her so much. They didnt want to loose her just as much as we didnt.

I went to my appointment and waited forever. It was hard waiting. Id been a bit frail all day and the wait didnt help. They took me and put me on a bed, and then discussed the test with me, what it would find, how its done, what i would feel and the risks. Mum and Tim were with me and we were all asked if we had any questions. I had heaps! What are the chances of something happening to her, what if she moves into where the needle is, what will i feel, is there some other way we can get a true result.

Apparently at this stage this isnt any more options as the readings as to the size of that neck thing cant really be relied on at this stage. I was told it should have been done at 11-13 weeks- we werent offered, but thats much and much now.

I was scared, mum and tim were scared and my little star was moving all over the place as usual.

I got wheeled into the ultrasound room, asked some more questions-

Explain why we are at a high risk- the neck thing ofcourse

Can we chicken out today and have it another day- yes and no- yes someone would do it, but the ladies (ultrasound tecs) didnt know if the risk increased, and there is a cut off time for "doing something about it" which wasnt an issue to us as we had made our decision but it was an issue for the specialist as he wasnt willing to do it if we werent going to change our mind based on the result.

Any other scans we can have- yes- but whats the point as they wont give a reall 100% answer as the bigger she gets the harder it is to tell if shes just big or fat or if it is because of down- so no point

There were other questions, i asked the specialist to please go thru my last two scans with me as i still didnt know all the facts. He said that-
a) the neck thing is abnormal- could be downs, thats why i was offered the test
b) no other indications of anything wrong with her- but ultrasound wont always pick up everything.
c) he would not be happy to put the baby at risk if we were sure we wanted to keep her.
d)Stop looking at it like we had a child with a problem- im young and healthy, tim is healthy, she has only one indication (big one!) and what the doctor told me was wrong. The previous dr told me she has a 1 in 250 chance of having it, this specialist told me it was closer to 1 in 400.

So, we didnt have the test- how could we? If something had happened to her as a result of it, we would feel like we had done it to her, just like if we had the termination. We werent going to risk her for my benefit only.

We were all happy that we werent getting it done. Its just too freaky. It wasnt going to change the way we feel about her. We are being realistic and are going to think of it as her having downs, if by some stroke of luck she is fine- well that would be a nice suprise, but we need to prepare for her as a child with downs.

anyway, thats what happened today.

Thanks again for all your kind words. I really cant explain how it makes me feel. xxxxxxxxxxxxx

[MistyFying]

Emma

I'm so glad you had a better day and you got some answers from the Doc who saw you today.

Good on you for making a stand on your decision (with the specialist). And with what you said about your two previous scans, it looks like her little heart (and everything else) is functioning well.

I didn't mention this in my previous post, but I, too, was "strongly advised" by the specialists to terminate my son at 21 weeks, as the left side of his heart hadn't developed (the full story is in the birth stories section of the forums and his name is Zeke if you want more info).

We, too, went against almost every medical opinion we were given and didn't terminate him. Today he's a happy three year old.

I hope the peace that you have about your decision increases every day

[kirsty]

Emma huge hugs to you on your decision. Your little girl will be loved no matter what the outcome is & that is the most wonderful thing in the world. I love the name you have picked for your little girl, Abby is just adorable however you choose to spell it.

[Adnil]

Emma - good on you for your decision! You are an amazing woman with a beautiful girl you will meet in a few months!! good on you!

[*Rachel*]

I can't wait to meet gorgeous little Abby - she's very lucky to have you both.

[Liz]

Excellent news Emma You sound confident about what you're doing and it's lovely to see. Keep in mind that people have been given those odds or worse at the 12 week NT scan, many only to find that there's nothing wrong, so Abby still has a 399/400 chance of being just fine!! She's alive and well, and is loved very much. What more can she want

I'll be looking forward to following the rest of your pregnancy *hug* <-- that's a happy hug this time! not a comfort hug!

[jimssteph21]

emma - wanting to pass on that you and your family are in mine and hubbys prayers. your little abby will be gorgeous and such a blessing no matter what! remember there are many people sending love and praying for you.

[kas]

Hi Emz, I sat here for ages trying to work out what to say to you, but nothing would come out right and express the emotions i have felt for you and DH, to tell you how much strength you have shown over the last few days and the commitment you have shown/made to Abby (as you said though her little kicks and punches wouldn't let you decide any other way). You and DH are a credit to yourselves and to little Abby =D>

I look forward to continuing this pg journey with you, and on behalf of all of the March mums and bubs i am sending you a HUGE group hug .

Take care and give Abby a belly rub for me. PS - I love the name you have chosen for her

[Inanna]

Hi Emz,
So happy that you and your partner were able to make an informed decision.
I wish you, your partner and Abbey a healthy pregnancy and a beautiful birth.
Lots and lots of love
Deb

[{sarah}]

Aww Emz, so sorry you have had to go through all of this drama. Little Abbey has got a great set of parents & a fantastic family who love & adore her already. I think that is going to be worth so much to her.

I pray that your pregnancy continues on without any more stress so you & Tim can enjoy it. And you never know, miracles can happen.