Again, thank you all so much. I would like to get some more info of those of you that have known people in this position and those that know people with downs and have offered support. Im going to leave it a little while first- so if you get an email of me in a week or 2 time, remember its me! 8-[

Im glad you all like the name Abby (Abbey, Abbie- undecided!)

Well, today was a great day. Not for the reasons you are hoping for tho.

I spent the day with my mum and dad and sister and her kids. I told them of my decision to keep our little one (what decision!?) and they were all so happy and glad that she is here to stay. From what they have said, the hardest thing out of all this was not the downs, it was the thought that they might have to say goodbye to her soo soon when they all lover her so much. They didnt want to loose her just as much as we didnt.

I went to my appointment and waited forever. It was hard waiting. Id been a bit frail all day and the wait didnt help. They took me and put me on a bed, and then discussed the test with me, what it would find, how its done, what i would feel and the risks. Mum and Tim were with me and we were all asked if we had any questions. I had heaps! What are the chances of something happening to her, what if she moves into where the needle is, what will i feel, is there some other way we can get a true result.

Apparently at this stage this isnt any more options as the readings as to the size of that neck thing cant really be relied on at this stage. I was told it should have been done at 11-13 weeks- we werent offered, but thats much and much now.

I was scared, mum and tim were scared and my little star was moving all over the place as usual.

I got wheeled into the ultrasound room, asked some more questions-

Explain why we are at a high risk- the neck thing ofcourse

Can we chicken out today and have it another day- yes and no- yes someone would do it, but the ladies (ultrasound tecs) didnt know if the risk increased, and there is a cut off time for "doing something about it" which wasnt an issue to us as we had made our decision but it was an issue for the specialist as he wasnt willing to do it if we werent going to change our mind based on the result.

Any other scans we can have- yes- but whats the point as they wont give a reall 100% answer as the bigger she gets the harder it is to tell if shes just big or fat or if it is because of down- so no point

There were other questions, i asked the specialist to please go thru my last two scans with me as i still didnt know all the facts. He said that-
a) the neck thing is abnormal- could be downs, thats why i was offered the test
b) no other indications of anything wrong with her- but ultrasound wont always pick up everything.
c) he would not be happy to put the baby at risk if we were sure we wanted to keep her.
d)Stop looking at it like we had a child with a problem- im young and healthy, tim is healthy, she has only one indication (big one!) and what the doctor told me was wrong. The previous dr told me she has a 1 in 250 chance of having it, this specialist told me it was closer to 1 in 400.

So, we didnt have the test- how could we? If something had happened to her as a result of it, we would feel like we had done it to her, just like if we had the termination. We werent going to risk her for my benefit only.

We were all happy that we werent getting it done. Its just too freaky. It wasnt going to change the way we feel about her. We are being realistic and are going to think of it as her having downs, if by some stroke of luck she is fine- well that would be a nice suprise, but we need to prepare for her as a child with downs.

anyway, thats what happened today.

Thanks again for all your kind words. I really cant explain how it makes me feel. xxxxxxxxxxxxx