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Thread: Its all happening so quick- am I ready???

  1. #1

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    Default Its all happening so quick- am I ready???

    For some reason, in the last few days the fact that we are going to have a baby around has really hit me. Sounds silly, right, I've had 9 months to get used to this idea?! But just like the baby's head engages (or should....drop baby drop!!) this feels like an "emotional engagement" where its all become quite real.

    And suddenly I am doing the FTM thing of freaking out, wondering if I am actually ready for this? I'm scared about how a baby is going to change our lives and I feel like I have a few tiny little weeks left of the life I know before EVERYTHING changes, in ways I can't imagine. I've heard so many stories of how hard it can be having a newborn, and I watch others with their kids and it is SO much work that I am suddenly having a panic about whether I can do this. I secretly (well, not so secretly now...) fear that I will hate it and resent it!



    Argh, can someone tell me these are normal FTM fears and it will be ok??!!

  2. #2

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    It will be ok and yes they are normal fears

    Hon, it is really hard and nobody should tell you that it is easy, because it isn't. But, you get through it, even if you are having a hard day, and you take 10 minutes to have a cuppa outside in the fresh air - it does wonders.

    BB is always here to help you (wish I had joined earlier) and the support you can get online is wonderful. We have been there, done that, and we all know you will have those times you want to murder a screaming child (for me, it was in the hospital after 7 hours of continous crying from the baby and I had images of throwing him against the wall and him landing into a plastic bag I had propped there - great basketball skills.. ) but take it one step at a time, hour by hour, day by day.... it all comes together in the end.

    Oh, and vent, vent, vent away if you need to. It helps to put things down on paper (so to speak) and you can start working things through.

    I'm sure you will be fine though. Look forward to reading your birth announcement!!!

  3. #3

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    Default I know how you feel!

    Hopefully I don't have a screamer. Because I was at the supermarket the other day and this baby screamed and screamed. I am a postive mostly about motherhood, but that threw me a bit?

  4. #4

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    you are never ready for it.. but you adapt..

    same goes for baby 2, 3, and 4.. heck number 4 threw me for 6.. but life is getting back to normal now.

    As for screaming babies in shopping centres.. yeh you get stares and sometimes even comments.. don't get flustered just relax and do what ou would normally do if bub had a cry.

    The more flustered or upset you get the more they will

    yes your relationship changes but it is up to the BOTH of you to make it a positive change.. sure my Dh and I can get snappy at each other when we are tired and baby is crying and won't settle but then we realize it is no ones fault and get on with it..

    biggest advice.. just relax go with the flow and always take a few moments to smile and remind yourself that tings WILL get better...

    Look forward to seeing your birth announcement

  5. #5

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    I am starting to have the same fears.... I don't know how I am going to cope with the change! I think I am mostly worried about how DH and I will cope as a couple as we have been through some really rough times in the past (but we got though them) and I wonder if they pop up again, will I be able to work through them with the same patience with a little one around ??
    I am really hoping that this is another hormone surge topped on again being tired....

  6. #6

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    Jessica...I have been having the same thoughts and feelings and after seeing my ob today and confirming a date for the c-sect it makes it even more real knowing exactly how much time I have to get things done and spend time with DP before bubs gets here.

  7. #7

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    From talking with my DH last night, it can be really difficult for men to adjust to the big change - harder than it is for us girls. He said that when we first had DS he felt really left out of the big picture, all attention being focused on the bub you know? But he got over it, and said that it helped to be able to feed the baby (I bottle fed which made it easier to do that!). But still, he always felt slightly useless and not needed, which can lead to arguments. I think just being aware that some men go through these feelings can help heaps.
    We still have arguments now of course, mostly when we are tired, and he does something stupid, and I'm a biatch about it because I'm tired, and pregnancy hormones don't help - but for the most part - when DS does something funny or cute, its always DH that I look at and laugh with.
    As long as you still keep on laughing, I think you will all do fine.
    Lots of hugs help too ...

  8. #8

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    Thank you all for the support! Its awesome just to know that other people feel or have felt the same way, and that because I have these feelings it doesnt automatically mean I am somehow cut out to be a bad mum. Most of the time I am positive and happy about Bean's arrival, but then sometimes I just wig out- especially when tired and hormonal! I think for me, as long as I recognise that its normal and ok to have those feelings, I can kind of deal with them and they pass in their own good time. Its so great to have these forums where we can just blurt it all out and process it and get support- thank you all!! It takes me ages to deal with change, and this helps enormously.

    Mel, you make a good point about how it can be really hard for our husbands, and I will need to watch out for that. He's been so good about supporting me, I wonder how he will deal himself! I'm glad to be aware of it so I can look for ways to support him. He is really keen on doing at least one feed as well, he keeps asking about it, its so cute!

  9. #9

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    Jess - you are definitely not going to be a bad mum - just that you are posting how you feel shows how much you already care for your little bean. I remember flipping out before DS came along too - have you seen "Cold Feet" at all? where Jen flips out before having her baby?? (If not doesn't matter) but I was sorta like that - so overwhelmed by the feelings that I was having, and if I would be a good mother.
    Only now, when DS is nearly 16 months, do I feel that I am a good mother, and even I have my days that I feel like I'm the worst mother in the world.
    Just by keeping your baby loved, safe and secure, fed and housed, makes you a GOOD MOTHER. Everything else - is irrelevant.
    Good luck.

  10. #10

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    You will be great. It's hard work but its all worth it. My advice would be get as much sleep as you can now.

  11. #11
    ~Belinda~ Guest

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    Quote Originally Posted by bigbubbabelly View Post
    Hopefully I don't have a screamer. Because I was at the supermarket the other day and this baby screamed and screamed. I am a postive mostly about motherhood, but that threw me a bit?
    It's so different when it's your own baby. I used to think the same things but I can handle Madeleine's screaming strangely enough...

    You'll be fine, don't worry, it's just normal fear you are feeling.

    It's so wonderful when you see your little one for the first time, I couldn't imagine life without Madeleine now.
    Last edited by ~Belinda~; May 6th, 2008 at 09:09 PM.

  12. #12

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    Jessica, so totally normal I reckon. I did it too, so much so that when my ob told me I ws in labour and having a baby that day (I was in denial), I flipped. Not only was I having a baby it was MY baby. For weeks I waited for the proper mother to come and collect her lol.
    Now as I sit here typing, it is with one hand. In the other is my almost 2 year old sick child. I can't remember what my life was before her and I certainly don't long for it. I am (was) the most inflexible person I knew - thanks to a lovely dose of OCD. A small pink bundle helped to heal some of that and right now I am the most chilled I've ever been. She's taught me more about me and my DH than I ever thought possible and suddenly my old expectations of things seem different.
    Don't get me wrong, I had some bad bad days with her. It is hard learning your new job. Like walking into an office where no one has done that job before and can't show you - you just have to make it up.
    You'll find your groove and you'll be fantastic and you have many hundreds of supporters on here when you do need a cheer.

  13. #13

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    I've been having the same sort of fears, but mine have been more like how will i cope, how will the kids adjust, will we be financially ok etc etc etc.

    Its just all normal fears, i just tell myself that we will manage, things will be ok and thousands of others do this too.

    as for my Dh i will be putting him to great use this time around, he will have to have cuddles with bub so i can cuddle my very attached to mum 4 yr old, and then there are times when im sure the other 2 will have him so busy we will all colapse in a heap at night.
    Its good that you are having these thoughts as it shows you are preparing yourself for the new arrival, as scary as it may seem now I am sure you will do fine, and you have loads of support on here to make you feel like your not alone.

    Best wishes for your new arrival

  14. #14

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    I agree that it's natural to be worried/nervous and I think it's healthy to be thinking ahead and wondering how your life will change and whether you will cope.

    I just about drove myself MENTAL wondering and worrying if I would be a good mum. And for what it's worth, I now think I'm a bloody legend.

    I did mentally prepare myself for it being VERY difficult. I didn't know much about babies but knew they cried a lot and needed feeding a lot.

    I had major problems feeding (I spent the first two weeks feeding for 2.5 hours out of 3 ) but because I'd prepared mentally, to me it didn't seem like that BIG a deal. In retrospect, I don't know how I kept it together but I did. Because you know what, even when it's tough there are so many things/moments that make up for it. A lot of people told me that I wouldn't be able to get anything done because babies are such hard work. In actual fact, I don't get anything done because I want to play with her all the time because she's an absolute joy to be around.

    So expecting it to be hard work I think is the absolute best thing that you can do. Then if it's not as hard as you expected, it's a bonus.

    I think a lot depends on your expectations. Because my expectation was that the first few months would be hideous, I think my baby is an easy baby - she doesn't cry much and she sleeps a fair bit. Yet I know other mums whose babies sleep for the same amount of mine who think their babies are a nightmare and want to take them to sleep school!

    One of the most helpful things I read when I was pregnant was to not expect to fall in love with your baby immediately and don't feel freaked out if you don't. You read so many stories about "as soon as I held them I fell completely and utterly in love." I didn't feel that way immediately and am so glad that I'd read that was normal. Don't get me wrong, I was absolutely fascinated with my DD but love was something that grew.

    So just to reiterate ... your concerns are normal and healthy.

    And you'll be a good mum, because anyone who's worried about what sort of mum they will be is already putting their child first.

  15. #15

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    You will find once bubs is here it will all come naturally.

    It didn't really hit me until Jayden was a few days old and I was up feeding him in the early hours of the morning and I've thought....this is my life now, I have to get up to feed and tend to the baby whenever he needs me....As overwhelming as that may seem, its the most rewarding too...I would change my life for anything.
    I am however curious as to how I'm going to handle terrible 2's and a newborn but like the first time it will just happen and things will be fine. Oh and I haven't had much help from DP from the beginning either so having a partner that is supportive will be a great help to you.

    Good luck with everything, can't wait to hear your birth announcement

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