WWYD? DH wants to go on an oversea's trip (alone) when I'm 35wks?

[~Kim~]

Same as most PPs I'd be talking about it but ultimately being OK with him going if that's what he wanted.
If no real health probs for you, maybe like Mak suggested get someone to come and stay with you while he's gone?

I live by myself with the kids. My DH works on a remote community 250kms away far from the tar. It took some adjusting but I'm pretty proud of myself for being so OK. We have no family for support either, but we have been able to set up a few contingency plans just in case. Most people are happy to help if they're asked. I have silly stuff like a note on the fridge with contact details of people here in town, DH, the police station (to contact DH via radio if I can't), his boss, my mum (so dad can put her on a plane straight away) etc just in case I have to call an ambulance or someone in a hurry. A couple of GFs know where my bag is and I've left a note in the top of the few things that are left to go in there.
The hospital know both about my very high risk preg (of course) but also of DH and my situation. I'm lucky enough to have a 5.5yo who's been around 000 operators for a long time so is confident to dial 000 and give her details should need be. I know your little guy is too little for that but what about a printed medical history and someone to call every few hours to make sure you're OK if no-one can stay with you?

[Amy_jellybean]

Haha he doesnt work for Flight Centre does he? If he does then im going to the same trip! Hahaha

[Ladylove]

I'd encourage hubby to go if it were me and my DH. It's a special reward for him and *touch wood* it's still early for you. I think maintaining not only a sense of normalcy in your lives but of allowing each other to enjoy your achievements as much as possible is super important pre and post bubba. If something were to happen he can still fly back early. Id only be upset that I couldn't go!!!

[helle]

My husband values his testicles too much to even think about leaving me in that situation.
But in all seriousness... If it were us we would probably find a way where I could come too. Is that possible?

[*Ang*]

At 35 weeks she will be unable to fly - most airlines do not allow travel past around 34 weeks.

I would let him go, I don't see the big deal really. And all this ridiculous talk about cutting his testicles off and being a good husband and father is a bit extreme isn't it? We are all "big girls" and surely can look after ourselves for a few days.

My DH is another that regularly works away and all pregnancies I have been without him for days/weeks on end, sometimes with toddlers in tow. My first pregnancy I was in the UK with no family and he would be gone from Mon-Fri. You just get on with it.

He has worked hard enough to get this trip so I really don't see the issue in him going.

[feeb]

At 35 weeks she will be unable to fly - most airlines do not allow travel past around 34 weeks.

I would let him go, I don't see the big deal really. And all this ridiculous talk about cutting his testicles off and being a good husband and father is a bit extreme isn't it? We are all "big girls" and surely can look after ourselves for a few days.

My DH is another that regularly works away and all pregnancies I have been without him for days/weeks on end, sometimes with toddlers in tow. My first pregnancy I was in the UK with no family and he would be gone from Mon-Fri. You just get on with it.

He has worked hard enough to get this trip so I really don't see the issue in him going.

Well said.
My DH has always travlled a lot for work and was away when both boys were only 3 or 4 weeks old for a week, its just the way it is. So as I mentioned earlier not an issue when he asked to go away to mates wedding.

[LuluHB]

I must admit that I don't really see the big deal either TBH. I would want my DH to go if we were in your situation.

[Janie71]

Funny thing is my sister was in a similar situation recently, but her DH had scored tickets to the Rugby world Cup final (we are kiwis so rugby mad). My sister was going to be about 36 weeks pregnant at the time and lives in Sydney with no family around and a 3 year old son to look after. On top of that her first son was born at 24+4 so she was deemed a high risk pregnancy. They paid for our mum to come over from NZ to be there 'just in case' and it is just as well because she went into labour whilst he was gone! That's probably not very reassuring for you, but don't forget she was a high risk of preterm labour. And she did end up having their daughter while he was still overseas.

If it was me and I wasn't high risk I would just let him make a decision. If I didn't feel 100% confident being left on my own I would organise for a family member to come and stay whilst he was gone.

Janie xxx

[KitFaerie]

My DH and I would try to make it so we could both go, if not, then he probably wouldn't go. At 35 weeks during my pregnancy there was no way he would have left me and the small naked boy who lived in my belly, he was practically stopping traffic for me if I needed to cross the road (that actually got irritating). But we're both like that, neither of us like being away from the other for any significant amount of time (longest is 2 weeks)

For all you women who would just ''get on with it'' I applaud you, and I think it's brilliant that the OP has a range of experiences provided. But oof, I would be so sad

[Boo Boo]

At 35 weeks she will be unable to fly - most airlines do not allow travel past around 34 weeks.

I would let him go, I don't see the big deal really. And all this ridiculous talk about cutting his testicles off and being a good husband and father is a bit extreme isn't it? We are all "big girls" and surely can look after ourselves for a few days.

My DH is another that regularly works away and all pregnancies I have been without him for days/weeks on end, sometimes with toddlers in tow. My first pregnancy I was in the UK with no family and he would be gone from Mon-Fri. You just get on with it.

He has worked hard enough to get this trip so I really don't see the issue in him going.

Yes, I have to say I agree with this, DH is away in Africa for work for 6 weeks at a time and back home for 2 weeks, with me being pregnant or not pregnant, we still need to put bread on the table so that is the way that it is. 5 days will fly by quickly, and by all means get some help, a babysitter, etc, etc. If it was for him going off for a boys weekend I probably wouldn't be so lenient but work is work and attendance at these sorts of things is noticed, fairly or unfairly.

[peanutter]

I think it's great that Miss E has been provided with such a variety of responses, but I have to say that IMHO there's a big difference between someone who has to travel for work - and who does so on a regular basis - and someone who doesn't normally, and so their absence will be quite a dramatic change not just for the OP but also for her DS.

It has also been pointed out that there isn't anyone who can come stay with her.

Some (not many) of the posts seem to have the attitude that the OP should just "suck it up" or that if she doesn't want her DH to go then she would be "not letting" him get this honour, and that seems a little unfair, TBH. Two grown adults in a happy and healthy relationship would hopefully be taking each others' happiness and comfort (and those of any children involved) into account when making a joint decision about this, and they would also be weighing up the pros and cons of the trip itself. Here, it's not suggested in any way that he would not receive the award by not going, just that he won't be there in person. And I'm guessing that there might be 30-120 seconds of the 5 day trip (plus travel) which is actually about him.

I was offered the opportunity to lead a work group on an overseas trip next year for 10 days in Asia - it's a work trip I've participated in three times, and it would be a really big deal for me to lead it next time. But it would involve me leaving my DH home alone with a 23 month old and an 8 week old. There is no way I would do that to my DH, or to my newborn. So I turned it down. When DH and I got together, he knew I planned on working hard on my career, that it may involve long hours and some weekends and very intense periods and probably the occasional trip to Sydney etc, but he did not buy in to me jetting off for 10 days to another continent where I couldn't get back reasonably quickly if needed. So I turned it down. I didn't want to, but it is the right choice for my family, and I do not regret my decision. But I plan to lead the work group in 2013, which DH fully supports.

If we could tune out the judgment from our responses to the OP's question, I think that would be lovely.

Most posts are just saying what they'd do and why, but a small number seem a little harsh and judgmental ...

[[on a less serious note, all that being said, it occurs to me that there's a simple solution: how about Amy_jellybean's DH pops over to stay with Miss E while the spouses are away?? ]]

[Miss E]

Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts ladies! I totally get how some of you think that I might be being a little OTT, particularly if you're used to having a partner who travels or is away a lot. In my case, I'm very lucky that DH is rarely away, maybe a couple of times a year for two or three days. So, I'm used to having the luxury of having him around to help me out on a day to day basis. But always manage fine when he goes to.

If this was my first pregnancy and I only had me to worry about, I wouldn't bat an eyelid. But I've got an energetic 2.5 year old to look after too, and I'm already starting to notice how the physical implications of being pregnant are making the day to day harder and harder. Just catching him or picking him up to change his nappy, get him in the car or the bath is becoming harder. I'm not sure how I will be going physically at 35 weeks. Last time round I had awful sciatica, which thankfully has stayed away so far, but if I get it this time I don't think I could manage 5 days on my own. In the last month I've also had two episodes of extremely painful BH which have scared me a little...

Do you have anyone who could come and stay for 'holiday' with you whilst he is away? Or like pp has mentioned book in some extra care and help for the time he is away?

I would worry that missing such an acknowledgement would be seen as a negative from his work's POV as well as being something he should celebrate ITMS.

Unfortunately, we really don't have anyone who can come stay. All of DH's family is in the US, as is my sister who has 2 kids of her own. All of my friends have babies or toddlers of their own to juggle, and the couple who don't are living in London which is way too far to come back for. But, I do think the suggestion of seeing if I can get one of the carers from CC to help up is a great idea - thanks! I may even see if I can tee one of them to be 'on call' over the weekend just in case.

Until the other day when the rankings came out, DH was planning on missing the trip this year (it happens every year and he has gone along the last couple of years). But given his achievement, he really wants to go to accept his award, which I totally understand. I (and DH really don't think anyone would bat an eyelid if he didn't go). It really is pretty much 3 days of partying and having fun, as opposed to a 'professional' type thing IYKWIM?

Besides think of the duty free he can bring back for once bubs is here, and the power of having the "I cant believe you left me here all by myself to go on a trip to Singapore when I was 35wks pregnant" card over him is HUGE

Im thinking foot rubs on demand for a month is the bare minimum!

Hadn't thought of that... And I do love a good foot rub!

My husband values his testicles too much to even think about leaving me in that situation.
But in all seriousness... If it were us we would probably find a way where I could come too. Is that possible?

I don't think I will be allowed to fly at that point. And, TBH the idea of dragging DS over there so we can hang out in a hotel room for 5 days while DH is off having a wild time doesn't really appeal.

At this stage, I don't think I have reason to say no. It's all what if's right now. I've told DH that I want him to go and that he should accept, but that we might have to reevaluate it a week or two before if I'm not doing so well physically, and he is fine with that. At the end of the day, I know that if there was an emergency and I needed to go to hospital there are a lot of people who I could call to help. What I will lack is that day to day help (which normally wouldn't be an issue), but I think I will try and organise a babysitter to help out for a few hours here and there.

Once again, thanks for sharing!

[OceanPrincess]

Haha he doesnt work for Flight Centre does he? If he does then im going to the same trip! Hahaha

How funny would this be!

Miss E, I totally get the un-fun-ness ( ) of dragging a 2.5yo over there for 5 days while DH is off partying. That would so not appeal to me either. My DH is a diver and goes across to Mt Gambier (SA - we are in Melb) for diving weekends a couple of times a year. He keeps telling me I should come too but it is much the same, I would get the delight of looking after two kidlets while he is off having fun diving. No thanks, it is easier to just stay home!

I think your decision to give it a bit more time is a good one!

[sloane]

i think it sounds like you've come to a good compromise with your DH to say yes in principal but leaving the door open to re-evaluate if needed. there is nothing wrong with hiring a cleaner and/or a babysitter/nanny to help out if you need it. and start stocking up on menus from places that deliver

hopefully with some help around the place, it'll give you a few days to spend with your DS having special mummy/DS time before the baby arrives

[YoYo]

Sounds like you've got it all worked out

My DH was away in jersey (uk - i was in perth) right before I had DD. I was pretty darn emotional and scared he'd miss it. I also had DS, who, somewhat sadly, it used to DH going away a lot, but we kind of get ourselves into a rhythm to get us through. Sometimes we even cope better without him!!! (never told him that though!)

I'm sure everything will work out perfectly fine




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[Ladylove]

Actually I've just realised here I am right now at 35 and a half weeks and my hubby is away for three full days this week for work. Maybe that's why I'm so tolerant! He flies a lot with work.

[nickers]

It's a tough one, but for me personally if I were 35 wks I wouldn't be wanting dh to go away.
In saying that you know he is over seas ATM for work and I am 28wks, but given my first pregnancy ds was born at 33 wks I think I'd have a pretty strong case for him to not go..... I am nervous that he is not here ATM incase something were to happen, so after 30wks he needs to stay put.
Do yo have an ob appt just before he goes or anything? Maybe a check up and as long as everything is going quite smoothly may put your mind at ease hat you will be ok for that period